...but I've Never Told Her That.

There's this girl. We've known each other for nearly thirteen years. When we first met we were sixteen. I still remember that day. She had long hair, down to her waist, and was like magic personified to me. I was mesmerized. Then I was infatuated. Now I am not. Well, maybe just a little bit. See, back in high school I tried pursuing her by being the "nice guy." I took her Aleve once when she was working at a local pizza place and had a headache. I wrote her a poem (which she later framed and hung by her bed).  But we didn't really become friends until after high school when I saw her working at a store close to mine in the mall. That's when we actually started to hang out, go out for coffee, go folfing, and so on. She's one of those girls who's always had lots of guy friends, and I, as a guy, don't really know what to think of that. I feel that it makes it difficult for me to stand out; that maybe all those guy friends are her backups in case her current romantic relationship falls through. It doesn't strike me as a good thing. But what do I know.

When we were sixteen I swore that she was my soulmate. I just had a really strong feeling toward her: beyond attraction. It wasn't just physical, or mental, or emotional...even still I can't put my finger on it.

There was a time when I'd almost worked up the guts to tell her how I felt about her. Until she told me how nice it was, for once, to have a guy friend who didn't confess undying love for her. Ouch. I kept my confession to myself.

Still, the years have passed. We've always been friends, but never the kind of friends that do everything together. She's always been very busy (school, working two jobs, etc.) so it never seemed to materialize. Plus, I think I was a little afraid of her; afraid to fall more in love with her, only to have it unrequited. So I kept my distance somewhat. I love(d) hanging out with her, but I almost avoided it.

In recent years we've become closer. We grew up some--both of us. She had a kid (who I think is awesome, a king among children). We both went through significant relationships which ended badly. We both struggled through debt. Through it all we've always gotten together for drinks, dinner, coffee, whatever.

Even though I love her kid, and I love the changes that motherhood has induced in her, I don't know how to date her. Hell, I'm nowhere near the complete man I'd hope to be before I seriously chase her, and before I become an insta-father. I have a hard enough time figuring out how to date a woman, period.

When will I have the courage to tell her how I feel? What's the worst that could happen? Maybe I open a door immediately, or for later. But if nothing else it's flattering, right?

I was about to put my pursuit of her into high gear when I found out she was planning to move to another city about three hours away. So, I decided to restrain myself and not tell her, again. How's that for one complication after another. Yet, it could still happen. She visits frequently, and I could start visiting her.

We're having dinner tonight. Will I have the courage, and the right opportunity to tell her how I feel? We'll see.
liferiot liferiot
26-30, M
8 Responses Jan 13, 2007

I'm very glad you told her! I'm sorry that she started dating "Chad", but I'm also very glad you're happy for her and think that you must really love her to be happy for her. Hopefully you'll find someone to be happy with in the future, whether or not it will be this girl, I don't know. I just hope you're happy with whoever it is!

It's my first time here and man that took some courage for you to really tell her. Even if it didn't actually work out the way you hoped for it. You did the right thing for yourself and for her as well. life goes on.

Awesome writing style and attitude towards life, goodluck, man.

I'm new here, so I don't know how people feel about posting to old stories, but I enjoyed yours. I was so disappointed that you didn't end up with her (although your life isn't over yet). You have such a mature and kind attitude towards her finding someone else. I am a woman, who had a guy friend like you in my life. We've been friends literally since childhood (we're in our 40's). We're both married, so nothing can happen, but I can tell you, that now that I'm older and have a true appreciation for those qualities I took for granted, I really do love him on a new level. If we were both single, I would make him marry me. He always loved me but didn't tell me until it was too late. It probably wouldn't have been a good idea anyway because I wasn't in that place with him back then. Pretty much just saw him as a brother type, and "just a friend". I think he still loves me too, but again, it can't be for us. Maybe someday when we're old an widowed... you never know.

Why, thank you TardyDodo! I'm flattered. <br />
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Speaking of The Girl, her dating hiatus wasn't as long as she anticipated. She started dating some guy ("Chad") a month or two or three or so ago. She's moving in with him this month after not having the money to cover her own rent. He seems like a nice guy and I'm hopeful it'll work out for her--for her and her son's sake. He's extremely hard working, and sounds like a very solid kind of guy. In that regard he may be the best guy she's ever dated. In some ways she and I would be a great match. We're both sensitive people and sensitive to other people's needs, we both love animals, we both consider ourselves intellectuals, we both love a good fantasy book, we share a similar personality and outlook. However, she's an enviromentalist and liberal; and she describes her ideal man as very solid, very dependable, very manly, very whatever. I'm solid and dependable in my own way, but I consider myself a human beings--with all the requisite frailties and failings. Plus, I think she'd tend to interpret my softer side as weakness, rather than strength. <br />
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Oh, and then there's the simple reality that she lives three hours away and loves Montana. She never wants to move. <br />
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I, on the other hand, want to move badly. I don't mind Montana, but I want to live somewhere warm, near a throbbing heart of commerce...like Los Angeles, California. <br />
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As you point out, Dodo, love does not conquer all. Perhaps she and I do love each other. Perhaps love shared doesn't HAVE to mean a romantic relationship. Perhaps sometimes you have to walk away from potential because it's not what's right and good for both. I feel confident that I'll find another soul mate down the road, someone who's traveling a similar path as mine.<br />
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Thanks again for your compliment!

Well, several months after the fact, I must say that I think it's a good thing that you told her. It certainly sounds like that connetion you felt to her was undeniable, and sometimes I think that's the best definition of what love is. Undeniable. At the same time, I think people are easily deceived by notions of love - love alone doesn't make relationships work. At any rate, thanks for sharing the story - you've got an engaging writing style and got the balls to tell her how you feel, so I hope things worked out for the best for all three (you, her and the King) of you!

You know what? I did tell her. Turns out she's had the same thoughts about me many times in the past. It may or may not work out, eventually, especially considering she's taking a hiatus from dating for a while, but it does feel much better having told her. Truth is, though, it hasn't really made the feelings go away. They're still there. To me that means that it's not a shallow infatuation. Though, under the circumstances I wish it were. Then it'd be much easier to put aside. Anyway, I also found out that she's always known I had feelings for her. Whoops. Gotta hate being so darn transparent.

First... YAAAY You told her!
And she having said she also had the same thought about you well... Let me say.. The more you hang out now, it will only lead to a greeeeat relationship! :D
Best of luck!

ey, you know what, tell her. trust me, you'll get over that when it's done. Whatever her reaction may be, at least you're honest to her. You can't live life hiding from something not to mention you're together all the time. That must be so hard. You've been thru so much pain with her, isn't it? can you survive if she finds a guy and have you as her shoulder to cry on? so, trust me with this...i've been thru that, too and it's very depressing. Everyday you'll regret and wonder why you haven't tell her about your feelings...what if she says yes, what if she accepts your love...never ending 'if'. Tell her and it'll set you free...