An Unfortunate Situation

I met this girl (Rose) while dating someone else (Erica).  While dating Erica for about 3 years, I talked to Rose nearly every day.  I was in San Diego living with Erica, while Rose was in Boston.  Anyways, my college roommate (also one of my closest friends) was also in Boston, so I told him he should meet Rose because I thought she was so awesome, and that if I wasn't with Erica, that this would be the girl that I would go after.  They met and hit it off fairly well.  Later, I would have to go to the East Coast for medical school (about 100 minutes from Rose and the roommate), so Erica and I broke up. While this was happening, Rose was with the college roommate (who fancies me his best friend, but I'll clarify that in a second). So for about 3 months after breaking up with Erica I tried dating other girls and some of them were fantastic and really into me, but I just couldn't feel very much for any of them. So when I was trying to figure out why I wasn't feeling anything for all these wonderful girls (truly, they were all very attractive, smart, and funny girls), I realized that I had feelings for my friend Rose.  She was the person that I would talk to about Erica and all these other girls, so at some point during all this, I started feeling like Rose was my best friend because she was the person I talked to everyday.  It occurred to me though, that the reason that I couldn't really feel anything for any of these girls, was that I've been comparing them to Rose this entire time, and none of them understood me anywhere to the degree that she does (which makes sense, we've been friends for a long time).  Her relationship with my buddy has been fairly difficult, because she's not sure that he cares about her, and she tells me that I know her much better than she does.  So they've been breaking up and getting back together for like the past 6 months.  

So you can see where this is going.  Two weeks ago, I told Rose that I love her, that she means more to me than any other person I know, and that I just don't think I can be attracted to anyone else while she is around. She responded with equally strong feelings, and told me that she's had feelings for me for the past 9 months but because of the distance and the fact that I was with Erica, didn't mention it to anyone. So I told her that I didn't really want to screw things up with the roommate, but that she should know how I felt, and make a decision.  She broke up with my roommate 3 days later, and asked me to come visit her in Boston the following weekend.  I told her that I wanted to take things really slow because I had just gotten out of something, and I know that residual feelings can persist for a long time (certainly longer than a week), but she told me that if I didn't visit her, she would be crushed. So I agreed to visit her, but on the condition that we take it really slow; she didn't think this was possible, and she was right... we started kissing within 5 minutes of seeing each other.

I spent the most perfect weekend with her.  I seriously haven't felt this strongly attached to anyone since high school when I had no control over my feelings.  It was amazing. 

And then the roommate called her.  They talked, and Rose felt really guilty, and felt that she had not given her relationship with the roommate a fair chance. So she called me very panicked, and was very concerned that things were now irreparably screwed.  So the very same night that I left Boston, she calls me and tells me that she wants to give it another shot with the roommate.  She says her overall feelings for me are stronger than her feelings for the roommate, but that her romantic feelings for the roommate are stronger.  She also focused on the fact that it would be long distance, and we're both very busy, so it would certainly be difficult.

Well, we told my roommate that we had very strong feelings for each other...and he seemed perfectly ok with it.  We didn't mention the weekend together, or what exactly precipitated the most recent break-up (there have been many), but he seemed pretty indifferent to it. 

And now I'm miserable.  I don't know what to do. 

Do I ignore her and try to move on because she picked the other guy?

Do I keep talking to her and waiting for them to break up, so that I can have a real chance?

Part of me is very very angry at her for asking me to come for the weekend, and then promptly getting back together with the roommate. I would NEVER have gone for a booty call.  I went because we were talking about having a real relationship together.  I told her that what happened this past weekend can NEVER happen again, and that I was very disappointed in how reckless she had been with my affections. She seemed very genuinely apologetic, and concerned that I was very hurt (I was, but I really don't like it when people know that I'm hurt, so I told her that I was fine.)

Sorry this is so long, but it's a terribly complex situation.


22-25, M
1 Response Feb 20, 2010

I have been in her shoes and its not easey at all to me she seems confused, give her sometime anything u tell her from this ponit ans on about what u both had shes going to fell presured a true friend would want there friend to be happy but its hard when u love ur best friend tell her that u want to see her happy with whom ever shes with if its ment to be she will come back to u. Have considerd moving to BOSTON?