I have been with the same man for 10 years and I have 3 kids with him, I love him and I can't imagine my life without him but there's this other part of me that I fight with every day, that wants to be with women I have been with women before I lived with my ex-girlfriend for 2 years then we spilt and a year later I meet my boyfriend and now these feeling are starting to affect our relationship I'm lacking sex drive instead of turning me on with his touch it turns me off. I fantasise about touching woman and I'm horny as but when I think of sex with a man and it does nothing for me. This has happened before about 4 years ago and I did the wrong thing and I started sleeping with my best friend (who was also in a relationship with a man and had kids) she had never been with a girl before me it lasted for about 8 months before she realised she had falling in love with me and was getting up set when ever she would see me with my boyfriend it got to complicated so we are no longer friends. I hate this, I hate that I would rather be with a woman then with the man I love, I hate that I don't want to have sex with him I hate these feelings, I hate that I know if I meet a hot woman and she started flirting with me and we hit it off I would do the wrong thing and sleep with her and if she wanted to see me again I would say yes I hate that but I can't stop what I feel. that's why I have no friends why the only time I go out is to do food shopping once a week. I'm so lonely and I can't tell anyone about how I really feel and it's killing me
IShouldBeSoLucky IShouldBeSoLucky
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 26, 2014

So beautiful. Begging you to be with a woman x

ur story is my story except i left before i fell for my friend. i noticed this is from this summer has anything happened since then?

Don't hate who you are, please! You were with women long before you met your boyfriend, and it wasn't wrong for you then. It's who you are, and there's nothing wrong with that. Embrace it!

You mentioned you already aren't into having sex with your guy, so I'm wondering, would being with another woman again make you even less attracted to your guy, or is that level already reached? Meaning, why punish yourself with trying to repress and force yourself to like only men again if it's making you miserable.

Did your guy know about your girlfriend before you met him, and would he be ok with you being with him AND another girl as well? Just curious. :)

He knew I like girls before we got together.

I know this sounds stupid but the last time I wasn't into having sex with my guy, and I stated sleeping with my ex-best friend, I found myself attracted to him once again and started happily having sex with the both of them, not together.

This is why I hate who I am, I'm selfish I can't just be happy with a man who loves me more then I deserve, I want more and he has already made it clear, when he seen how close I had gotten to my ex-best friend that he wasn't happy with me at all and sharing me with another woman was out of the question.

This is one of the reasons many I don't talk to her anymore and why I have no friends, he didn't tell me I couldn't have any friends, I am stopping myself, beside the fact that I'm to shy to talk to people face to face that I barely know, I scared that I will down the track start having sexual feelings for them and then I will loose another close friend, and I can't handle that again it hurt to much the first time,

Beautiful. Your ok. Don't worry about him just concentrate on lesbian love. It's your right.

I can relate so much to you. I've recently been caught having a fling with a female I've met... I love my boyfriend of 9 years but I'm not source that I'm in love with him!

For years I've been fighting with the urge to be with women and like you would go through stages of being almost repulsed at the thought of sleeping with a guy. I've since met this woman and we've grown very fond of each other... I want to be with her.

All anyone tells me though is me and my partner are good together, don't throw it away. I'm being guilt tripped into staying and making ago of what we had/could have.

The answer is do what makes you happy... It will be difficult at first, but things have a way of working out x

You're so right. It's your right a lesbian to not worry about men. It's lovely he repulsed you and that you want to be with a woman. Be the lesbian you're becoming .

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