I Love My Boyfriend Too Much
I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 18 months- we started going out at the end of high school. Last year was the hardest year I've ever had, Uni was so different to what I thought it was going to be (not in a good way). I barely made any friends, apart from one girl who I still see occasionally. I began to rely on my boyfriend so much- you see my friends are his friends (all guys). However in high school I also had my two best girl friends- Olivia and Meagan. This was perfect for me- I like hanging out with guys but they definitely can't understand you the way that other women can. Anyway basically they both stopped talking to me, I would message them every weekend to come out and they never would. I couldn't be bothered anymore, they wern't making effort so why should I? A couple of weeks later my boyfriend was in a small car accident on the way home from a ski weekend with the boys. I got angry at him because he didn't contact me first. It was at this point that I realised how dependent I was on him and how much I took him for granted. I thought if I didn't have him, I wouldn't have anybody- which is actually true. I also started thinking of all the things I was going to do for him- I was going to buy a car so he could drive it even though I don't have my licence, I was going to get a bigger bed basically for him and I, I wasn't going to go to Thailand with my family because I would miss him too much, I was going to move out next year- mainly so I could be alone with him. I just got so into the relationship that I forgot about everything else around me. This all happened about 6 months ago. Since then I've been to a psychologist for a couple of months and tried to become less dependent on him. I also broke up with him for a week because I didn't know what was wrong with me- I thought it was him that was the issue, but really it was me. I'm slowly getting my confidence back- I'm going to a new University this year, I've been going to the gym with a couple of different girl friends and trying to build closer relationships with them, I've also tried with my old friends- we'll see what happens there. I get frustrated about the car accident incident and wonder if that didn't happen would I be in this situation? But then the more rational me takes over and says this was a good thing. I should never depend on a man for all my happiness and I shouls never have let it get to that point. I've told my boyfriend everything and he always encourages me to go out with friends which helps alot. We've decided this year to make sure we go out at least one night a week with friends and only see each other a few days a week. Strangely it was when I realised how much I depended on him that I started seeing him more- not a very good move on my part. Anyway I know I ramble on but when I start writing I just can't seem to stop. Comment if you would like, would love to hear from someone. xo
