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My Indian Boyfriend

I'm currently dating my boyfriend who is Indian. We have known each other for almost four years and met through friends! Have been dating for a year. It is a long distance and we see each other once a month or twice!! :) His parents are very old fashion and religious, Hindu. He had not seen his parents for a few years and are currently visiting him and his brother. He told his mom about me and before he could go on. His mother asked if I was Indian. My b.f. said no she is not Indian.  She then cried and was upset the fact that I'm not Indian. I was so sad to find out about this. I'm extemely sad. :'( I want his parents to accept me like my parents accepted him. Now, I'm starting to wonder thing. For instance, what if he uses me to be his girlfriend (sex) until he finds an Indian girl (arranged marriage).  Should I ask him what he is planing to do? He tells me that his parents will eventually like me once they meet me. They will like me because I'm educated (master's in chemical engineering), kind, family orientated, and more. However, I'm starting to doubt him. What if he wants to use me. I'm so0o0o0o sad. Should I ask him? or should I wait and see how the relationship goes. What do you think?
zalzila19 zalzila19 22-25 87 Responses Jun 7, 2011

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Definately ask him about his plans. I seriously doubt that his family will suddenly think you're wonderful and would be happy if he committed himself to you. These cultural practices of arranged marriages are set in stone. His parents will never accept you, they have already demonstrated their distress that you are not Indian.

Always best to be straightforward and clear the doubts !

Hey
I'm German, 26 years old, staying in New Zealand for the last 6 month. On my first day in nz I met this awesome Indian guy (40 years already)...after six weeks we started dating. His last girlfriend was a secret to his family for almost 10 years, because she's Chinese and a few years older ( very strange parentship, more platonic )
Now I have to go back to Germany...but I'm thinking about coming back and live together. He wants me to come back and told his mum ( which I met already ) that he's interested in a girl, but couldn't talk proper to her that he's talking about me...she used to bother him every day that he should met the Indian girls she knows...
He's talking about thinking long therm, when I'm making my decision, that I have to be sure leaving my life in Germany behind me to live with him...think about marring and having children ( not now...) and then if I can live with Indian culture.. But I don't know...I love this men, more then I've ever loved somebody...but my children following the Indian culture, that's weird...maybe if here's someone in the same situation who can share experience...
Thanks...
Anja

Indians guys are reserved and introvert, they dont play with girls ,they respect them. I think u r exaggerating , he is very much loyal to u.

I am as well he's 34 I'm 28. Been dating almost 8 months and already talking about marriage, know that, an Indian (hindu) parents find it disrespect to know of, see, or meet an American girlfriend!! So know if u met his parents via Skype or anything, he is really into u. I've met my bfs parents but via Skype, n they insisted meeting me, after my bf told them about me. I love him, he's kind n generous, it's I'm first!! He's amazing!!!

Twenty-eight year old white woman currently dating a 21 year old Indian man. We have only been dating for 4 months but want to spend the rest of our lives together. Going to India to visit his parents in February. I can't believe how ready he is to settle down, but I love it. He would marry me tomorrow. Love him!

best of luck

Good wishes for ur life.

its unfair to you. I have been in a relationship wid my bf for 3 years.He mentioned me about the parental Pressures that guys have to handle,as the parents are not quiet understanding and bit conservative.My bf left home at 20,as he used to work parttime and earn. He rented a apartment so that we could stay together.We'r having a Healthy relationship today. His Parents are more good than what i thought.They have no Problems with us being together abd now we'r getting engaged.
My boyfriend have some advice for those who gets in a realtionship with these guys,make sure you ask about the future.Whether his parents be ok or not. and then decide

I'm still 18 and I don't know about love and stuff like that. But I think you should ask him. I have an Indian boyfriend, he's 18 too. and his mom would make him visit me next summer. So I think they're nice, not like your future in-laws. but hey, we'll never know. that might be true love and if his mom get's to know you, she might get to like you too. :) I hope you two last. :)

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year but I'm nervous to introduce him to my parents because he is white and my parents are from west Africa.Me and my boyfriend are already engaged but my parents haven't even met him. My parents want me to marry a black man but I don't want to, I'm worried that they wont approve of my relationship. I'll be the girl who brought home a white boy.

Personally I like reading these heartbreaking stories. They make you realize a lot of things about people in general. I don't know why the topic about relationship with Indian guys beats the score though. Not many Indians but majority are very charming young men indeed, so no wonder girls all over the world go for them. But I don't understand why so many women blame them. I don't understand women who assume that Indian bfs used them for sex. Girls, they didn't own your body on the first place and if they did have sex with you multiply times it's because you allowed them. Many Indian men who date girls back in India see nothing bad in not having sexual intercource with their gfs before marriage. So the fact you gifted them sex is your problem. Indian or no, if a young healthy woman proposes man to make love, only a priest or insane will refuse.
Don't want to feel used by Indian men or men in general, don't have sex with them then...or change your mindset right away. Stop playing a victim and be in charge of your own decisions, ex. Having sex with your Indian man was your decision.
Now about marriage with an Indian. Don't forget Indian or non Indian he is a simple man in the end. It has nothing to do with his culture and traditions, if he is not sure you are the one he won't propose and marry you.
I have a good Indian friend who dates a girl from Ukraine. She is his second serious date (the first one was Ukrainian too). So if he wasn't sure about the first gf who was super hot, artistic and into Indian culture(she was Bollywood style dancer), he is quite sure about his current gf, he has already proposed to her and acknowledged his whole family about his intentions. They don't mind. This girl will have very hard times dealing with Indian traditions, but at this point she doesn't care much about it. She is happy.
A lot of women also forget that majority of men has commitment phobia, caused by many personal issues.
I had another friend who dated her white exbf for 5 years, 4 years they lived together. Within 5 years he wasn't ready for marriage with her because wanted to check for other options. They broke up and he started to date another girl who didn't cost a damn (his words). He begged my friend to come back n promised to propose in short time, but once she forgave him he got cold feet again. The second break up was the last one. This girl is married with another good guy now (Indian btw) and her ex is still searching for the one to marry, same time texting my friend day n night, using all bad words for her and her Indian hubby, n blaming her for living a happy life with him. She is giving a birth to a kid soon, a son. Her husband's family feels delighted about this even more than her family who didn't approve the marriage of their daughter, but they started seeing her again n accepted her decision at last. New born babies do unite families.
I also date an Indian who is the most kindest man I ever met. I love him dearly and no matter how our life will be settled (being together or no) I thank god for meeting him. We both changed as persons after our meet, at same time we started to grow spiritually. Sometimes I think our spiritual growth was the reason the meeting occurred. Sometimes I feel that there is something more we still have to learn about life together. But whatever future holds my experience is priceless and I suggest all women, who struggle, accept all relationship challenges as good lessons to learn from. You might be with your man married in future, but might not be. You can't tell now. But what you can tell is that all the issues that are triggered in your relationship are for personal growth. It's easy to play a victim when the life kicks your *** not giving what you crave for? If you don't get it now I means you are not ready, learn for experience to be ready with your current bf of a new one next time.

Remember the Indian (East or Native American) culture is very old and over ripe unlike the immigrant civilization of the America of today. Its flexibility to new ideas is very limited. Its very simple. Tell him your intentions and if he (and his) cannot accept them then he cannot accept you and you must move on. Find someone else you can share mutual love and respect with and this kind of situation will pan out for the long run. You got only one llfe, live it to the fullest!

You'd never know about the future if you don't take this step! Just go for it...

I'm assuming you're white?

I just wanted to say that white and Indian mixed kids are freaking BEAUTIFUL.

Best mix in my opinion. You guys would make some gorgeous kids.

I dated this non indian girl we feel in love supposedly. I introduced her to my family. My family initially was hesitant later they said ok if I really wanted. Then I was fully committed. I used to call everyday and we used to meet once in 2 months (long distance). The more I was showing commitment, she was getting distant and started to take me for granted and criticizing for everything. I became depressed and ruined my career (was a PhD student), left with Masters. Oh only if I knew about girls... I am a Masters in Chemical engineering as well.. Just thought I should tell you my story. Girls' brains are tricky. The moment he commits to you and his parents agree. You will start worrying whether you made the correct decision. You will start to think reverse. Is he marrying me for citizenship? Is he marrying me for something else..? You don't believe why he said yes and start wondering and ruin everything. If this happens to you. Do not ruin it. .. Just letting everyone know that there is a reason why they worry...

Sam

u hit bull eyes bro. u r 100% right

I met an online friend who was an indian over a year ago... been chatting since then and he became my bestfriend,,... unfortunately, I fell in love with him.. but I dont know where it leads me.. he isnt feeling the same and he just treats me as his closest female friend...im a filipino so..
Ill just be singing the song "lucky" by jason mraz... and I call him "sam"...

Hey, I was in the same boat as you, I'm not Indian and dated one. He kept saying "hold on until the dust cloud settles" when I ask him if there even is a future . That lasted for 4.5 years. I was a secret to his family but not to mine. Out of my insecurity, I kept asking him that he should do as what I did to him. He told my existence to his sister and that's about the furthest it went. Obviously his sister was arranged and married that person to obey her parents so you would expect her side was against our relationship.In the last year we were together, he was being arranged without me knowing it. Although he was giving hints about being arranged, I dont know why in the world he was trying to keep me (time pass? confusion? ). I respected him for being wise when it comes to handling relationships in the past but surely keeping me while his wedding was being arranged was complete folly and unfair to me. Also another incident happened, his cousin decided to marry an Indian who is a year older than him. His whole clan got crazy to the extent that his parents said something like if they were his counsin's parents, they would have died of a heart attack. So it went to " if you dont obey us, we would die" and "we will find you a nice girl, dont disappoint us"...

In the end, before his engagement ceremony he finally broke up with me. It was hard mainly because of the time I spent/wasted with him and also felt betrayed/cheated how al these things were going on under my nose.
To this day however, I am grateful that he broke up with me because I found real happiness after that. I could not imagine living a life of compromise with him otherwise (a lot of compromise is necessary if you come from different cultures). A friend once said, you cant have 2 heads sleep in one pillow... it's difficult!!!!

In any case, if he respects you and your happiness, I think you need to ask for that clarity from him. Being used as a time pass is very typical for them to do and painful on our part. I heard tons of other stories even from Indian women themselves who are also in the university.

It is a good thing though that he told his parents about you. Only time will tell... I hope they dont use the "we will die if you disobey us" card on you.

Every story is different. I told you mine. However the path goes for you, know that we grow in the pain and something good comes out in time so dont be scared. Just push forward and onward.

some guys r just plain ***.

so u found ur true soulmate after the break up. it tells that everything god does to us is for our own good.

I am myself an Indian and hate this old mindset the senior folks here have. The new generation is a tad different. My parents are quite ahead of their time and I know that they won't have any problem with this kind of stuff if ever I come across such situation. Religion, race and colour should never come in between love.

I am an Indian guy .. mid-20s, just met an awesome English girl who's swept my imagination away, she was a classmate during a course in London, all I can do is think of her. I told her at the end of course, in a nightclub when there was an official end-of-course party. I've talked a lot to her, we've broached so many subjects, about society, growing up in our countries, culture, Indians and English, accents, world politics, career and work, future plans, siblings, parents, anecdotes from our lives ... in short she knows me in my entirety just as I know her, and she has no boyfriend. Am currently back in India, arranging to be in the UK next year. I'm hoping I will be writing a happy story a few years down the line ....

like to hear ur successfull result

I am hearing all this story how these white girls crying that their Indian Men left them for there mom's love. Come on!!! When you where little did you ever went to an indian boy and was attracted to him. Did you ever help his self esteem. NOO!! His mother build him to become a successful Man and you ask him to leave her. Really??? The Only women that kept his insanity and pride and making him feel good/loved while all the other "boys" he grown up with especially in U.S.A. got your attention and love. If the indian boy wasn't attractive enough for an indian girls standards (whatever that maybe) then his self esteem when he was little was extremely low because the chances for him to interact with any other girl is low. Plus boys are generally shy at first which doesn't help either and his mother not encouraging a dating life that doesn't help either. You were too busy building up loser Man and investing your time building up the wrong type of men in your life! Indian Man know this or keep it in an unconscious level and when we grow up, (job, security, etc) we deny that you are what we really want in life. Some Indian men keep believing in you but most stop and conclude the relationship won't workout.

You probably leave him for some other loser guy like you did before. Indian men/Indian Culture don't divorce!! He is not going to risk everything he worked so hard to achieve, just to lose everything. We value Family and understand it's importance. Most indian men don't want to take that kind of Big Risk with an American white girl who in the U.S.A. Who have an extremely high divorce rate!! He probably already lost like 15 yrs of his life through studies or more, just to obtain a successful job while you were probably partying with friends, at clubs and doing whatever. He needs to catch up or find true happiness; finally!! (whatever that maybe). I personally have my ups and downs but I still believe in you girls or just being an Asian indian American still want your attention and love. Good Luck with the Indian Men search.

Source: A Christian Asian Indian American. There are a few (100,000 +) of us in the U.S.A. Most of us are in Long Island new york or NY city, or PA. Then Texas and FL. Then few elsewhere in the states. We all have roots from South India Kerala. The only highly populated Christian Indian State in India. Try a Christian Indian bf, the family is more likely to accept you plus if he is born in U.S.A. like me =) the family will definitely accept you with time or immediately accept you. For me, My mom and dad prefer an Christian Indian girl but I keep telling them I'm attractive to certain American White girls. My sister would accept you immediately or at least try to accept you at first because she realizes I'm not going to pick a dumb girl with no values and is a zombie. =p Besides them the rest of my family will accept you immediately; like my cousins. There parents might doubt your reasons for choosing me at first but they won't say anything bad to you in order to avoid any misunderstanding or conflicts. In time, after kids, my whole family will accept you and treat you like family. 100% sure!!-
Disclaimer is that most of the Christian American Asian Indian guys are shy of you American White girls and communities due to not understanding your way of life and etc. Which is extremely complicated because there so many different groups of American white girls. They might stay within there own Indian Community bubble (comfort zone) that they created. Also, you have your few extreme A**Hole in every group whether they are parents or someone else in the community. As long as you show your man some comfort and trust that you are not going to leave him then he is yours. Remember we are extremely the minority in U.S.A. Indian pop is less then 1% and Christians Indians are even less. But all of us value education, financial security, family, long life, and happiness. ;)

Im sorry to hear those bad experiences. its making me think anything can happen anytime.i didn't think they could still leave you after having babies. what happens to family then cause these babies still habr Indian blood in them? So heartbreaking

Ive known my indian boyfriend for 4 years. Im african descent from Mauritius.we are both immigrants.We dated for 3 years b4 we moved in together. In the first three years we had ups n down but we stuck together and loved each other. The 4th year when we moved in together wd had heaps of financial and immigration issues and despite all these we stayed strong especially me as he was pretty much screwed.
Throughout all these years he didnt tell his family about me, i asked him regularly but he said he was waiting for the right time. Last month he went back to india and he finally told his family. I spoke to his cousins who said they wld help.. He told me that his dad said ' if thats the girl you going to marry then u will'But his sister and mum has ever since been trying to talk him into marrying a girl from home. Now his whole family is doing so. They even sending proposals.He has been very strong but last week we had a big fight where i had like a mental breakdown ( yelling screaming at people, i dnt wsnt to blame it on the two beers)he said to me that he is scared of marrying me now...He said that he is fighting for me and that im not making it easy for him by behaving like i did..
Im not a bad person, i know i can be cruel( i might have undiagnosed hormonal issues) but underneath it all i am a very good person and he knows that otherwise he wouldnt be with me. But now i have doubts about his love for me. No matter how crazy i might hve been on that day shouldnt make him doubt me??!
Is it really the problem or is that him slowly
Trying to find reasons to leave me?
Im also a big built and a bit overweight and he has been encouraging me like crazy to lose weight, i mean yes its for my health and of course i want to lose weight too but it feels like he's ashame of me or something..
I dont know i always felt that he loves me,there has been a lot of occasion where he could have left me before we got this close in the 4th year but he never did. Now im scared that he will. I know this is a hard situation for him and his parents and he always has told me how hard its going to be to convince his parents but that they will end up accepting...i love him so much and would do pretty much anything for him, at one point i thought he would too but now i wonder if he really does?? Is he just staying with me until we obtain our permanent residency? R these dreams about having a business together, babies and house together fake?
So today im going to sit with him and ask him again but what do you guys think?

That's tough. Just be confident in him since he seems to be fighting for you. That last thing he wants is the one he is fighting for fighting back at him. It does not make sense. You can thank him and even encourage him, but losing your temper to the troubles he had for you is not going to help.

since this question is too old its no need to answer it now you must have solved it by now.

Hi,

A lot of stories here of heartbroken non-Indian girls with Indian boyfriends, and I feel that many of these girls are painting a negative stereotypical image of Indian men. So I wanted to show the other side of the coin.

I am an Indian guy, and when I was in college, I dated a white Canadian woman. We dated for 4 years, and I was seriously in love with her, I was going to ask her to marry me. Then one day I find out that she has been cheating on me for the last 6 months with another guy. I broke up with her, I was heartbroken and almost went into depression.

I could have stereotyped all white girls as unfaithful cheaters, and never dated white girls again. But I didnt do that, I knew that just because my white girlfriend was a cheater didnt mean that all of them are, unlike some white girls in this forum talking about negatively about ALL Indian men. I started dating a white girl again, and now we have been happily married for 4 years.

Moral of the story: Dont judge an entire race of people because of a few bad apples. Some people are lying and deceitful, and that happens to people of all races. Good luck to everyone's quest for love, whether that man you fall for be Indian or non-Indian...

I support what u say. My friend was cheated by her caucasian boyfriend......she was shattered. But her best friends in her university are : 1 caucasian girl, 1 caucasian guy and an Afro-American guy.....please please do not judge the race by a few people. Isn't it the same attitude as the Indian parents? only reversed....judging by race is immature

All I can say is you need to cut off the relationship with him, i know it will not be easy bcoz u love him,just slowly... the earlier the better, so u'll not be hurt or broken in d end..I was in same situation, but he was emotionally forced to get engage, he didn't fight for his love for me..he's telling me he still loved me, but he get engage and eventually didnt contact me after the engagement, i send congratulation & told him its painful,.Its like he moved on easily,..

I have an Indian boyfriend, we have been together for eight years, to begin with I felt very unsettled because I felt like he was hiding me but I carried on anyway, he told me he loved me, so I tried to understand. two years in to the relationship he moved back to India, I went to stay with him a month later. he had told his mum he was in love with me and that he was going to marry me, we are still not married yet as I am only in my mid 20s and up until now I have said i'm not ready and while they want their son to get married they have respected this we are now planning our marriage for the end of this year.

it now happens that he\'s having a arranged marriage, I am completely heart broken, but if he didn\'t want to marry her there are other options he could of taken. just heart broken he has moved on so quickly I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with him but he clearly didn\'t feel the same.

It\'s not you my friend, he deceived you and it\'s very painful what he has done to you. my story is very similar. Take it easy on yourself and trust that you will be ok again. Here if you want to talk.

My story starts out 17 years ago… my parents gave me a world atlas for Christmas. Wanting to go somewhere, but not knowing where, I closed my eyes, flipped the pages of the book, prayed not to end up in the Arctic Ocean when I put my finger down to choose where I wanted to go. When I opened my eyes, my finger was resting on Hyderabad. I said some day I will go there. Of course, being so young and everything, life happened to take over… that is until the Summer of 2011 when I found myself suddenly unemployed, broke and bored. I spent a lot of time on Facebook that summer to save my unemployment. I am 29 at this time. One day, I was sitting on my font porch (I remember it being June 21) smoking and playing with my cell phone when I get a totally random message… from a guy who lives in, of all places, Hyderabad. He is 19, but I detected that he was a lot more intelligent than a 19 year old would be. We get to chatting regularly and everything and then it turns into Skype sessions where he introduces me to his famliy there. We would chat frequently on Skype and Facebook. That's when I get it into my head to make my dream of Hyderabad a reality. So, I get three part time jobs, working about 80 hours a week, starting in December of 2011. By May of 2012, I am able to start financing my dream. During this time, there is a little bit of a romance blossoming between this guy and me. He told me he loved me, told me he wanted to marry me… blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I fell hard for this guy, and I trusted him because I met his family over Skype and talked to them. So, we agree on November for my big trip so we could finally meet in person. This is my first trip outside of the US and my first trip alone.

I got to Hyderabad, but didn't tell him I was there… wanted to surprise him and surprise him I did. We met on November 12 and the fireworks were instantaneous… the attraction that we had to each other online was even more intense in person. There was talk of love, his friends teasing us to get married already, me shy about it all. And then… yes, we had a physical relationship. I took his virginity. I promised him, when I left I would be back. So, we kept up things online, though he made me feel guilty about not doing things (sexually) while I was there. That is, until he starts acting strange and talking about how he made some sort of mistake that he couldn't talk about, all the while begging me to come back… this time to his hometown of Varanasi. So, I went on the masochistic work binge, even harder this time. Working 4 jobs, about 100 hours a week. The strange part of all of this is he would NOT contact me on Facebook… only through another messaging service. His "likes" on Facebook seemed to be changing too, from liking pictures of all sorts of girls to liking pictures of babies and children, and posts about how rape is bad (this is about the time when the Delhi rape happened) and how women should be treated with respect. Also, he would post things in English, have his conversations with people and then erase the status if he believed I would see it. As my trip to Varanasi comes closer, he starts acting more abusive towards me, as well as his friends online, posting statuses aimed at me to demoralize me. If I posted anything about my feelings- nothing aimed at him specifically, he would deactivate his account until I took it down. He was the master at the push and pull- saying one thing one moment and then taking it back the next. I start piecing things together and it turns out he got a girl pregnant… a girl he met the same day we had relations. He was hiding his relationship with this girl (who is a Christian from Shillong, by the way and a total psychopath herself- she cuts herself... or used to before he came into her life and started acting like her personal god) and begging me to come back at the same time. Needless to say, the trip was cancelled because of this… because I could not stand the thought of being sexually used by him… again. The way he treated me towards the end of all of this was so bad that I wanted to commit suicide and almost did- three times. He is now splashing all over Facebook how happy he is with her (though she seems to have him totally p*y whipped) and how great his life is, all the while making me out to be a villain and wedge in their relationship.

The whole experience of this has made me terribly sad, made me lose faith in god, ruined my reputation through his abuse to endear the girl he wanted to marry him. He is getting married… on the same day he met her, the same date we had relations… and I just do not know how to move forward feeling that all the sweat, blood, tears, going to work when I was sick, walking to work when my truck broke down in sub zero weather, letting my epilepsy come back (I have seizures if I do not sleep), working through a psychological illness (I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from pushing myself too hard the first time and second as well as due to some other things that happened on my way to Hyderabad and some of the things that happened there) the soul and effort I put into all of this was for nothing… that 17 years of my life had absolutely no value. I guess I just wanted to tell you my story and see if you had any of your great words of wisdom, or if anyone else had anything to offer me as advice at how to deal with being played, used, abused online, being humiliated online to the point I can't even be myself anymore (I have had to create a whole new Facebook account because of him, his friends and his abuse)- and now I am seen as the crazy psycho ex who wants revenge (I don't) and then being used to manipulate the next girl in his life.

Your whole story got me. I hope you are feeling better by now. What you really should start doing is searching for a normal full time job.
It looks like to me, that loosing your job was the reason you got into so many troubles. As soon as you get in track, you will feel yourself more happy and sucessful. I know what I'm saying, because I was loosing my job too and just right after
that I also met some man online, who was asian as well, btw. He kept my life more busier, was flirting with me all the time. When the moment came he confessed his love to me, I replied to his feelings possitively, because at that time I felt it was love indeed.
Of course, after his confessions he wanted to move into the next level all men desired to be, he started to hint on sexual relationship, asking me to come and visit him. I agreed. Due to my poor finance I couldn't afford it. He was very manipulative, stressing me and rushing me to come there. But he knew I didn't have money, cause I was jobless, while he had job. He was even ready to pay for the hotel, IF...ready??? We will be staying in hotel room together...otherwise he wasn't interested. When I showed some uncertainty, he started to ignore me, he didn't return my calls or messages. He was saying he was busy (as I found out later he was just seeing other girls) even for 2-3 mins of talk on skype. He could go without contact for many days leaving me devasted. I also was thinking of suicide and even bought sleeping pills for that...But then it struck me....why I had to do it, why I wanted to do it?? And the answer was, because I was feeling myself as the biggest looser. I had no job and after my private life was ruined this feeling was increased.
I was literally destroyed when I've lost my job and when I met that man I let him manipulate me, because my self-esteem went to zero point.

A few weeks later I managed to find a good job and my life has changed. I started to see my life positively, I started to notice other people around me (one of my best friends became my bf later). My life became stable and happy. I realized that I actually didn't love that asian man and that I was lucky not being able to come there to see him (while at start I was seeing that as disaster). That man tried to contact me many times and each time I was realizing how lucky I was that nothing worked out between us.
He still bothers me from time to time, when his gf breaks up with him...but I ignore him. Sometimes men are so needy too haha.

I'm sure you will find the light in a tunnel very soon and realize that that guy was just some big mistake you made in your life. You probably think now that you do love him (like i felt for that man), but be sure that when you meet someone better, you will talk about that guy the same way as i'm now....i have no feeling for him and now I just simply don't understand how I could got into his trap so easily.
Anyways, I wanted to give you some tips on how not letting man using you:
- never ever do something for a man first. You did that mistake, working for many hours, just to get money for that trip and presented him sex on the plate. If you ever decide to do it again, make him pay for that trip at least. He should invest in relationship with you too.
- don't be shy to demand from man. Men, who don't invest money in woman, never treasure her for real.
- remember, if the man really loves you, he won't put his sexual desires first. We all know men are just too into sex, but if he respects you, he will wait and never manipulate you. You can have sex with him, but let him wait for you a bit.
- be financially independent, but again understand that there is your money and there is his money which he has to spend on you. Don't share the bills with him, if he is a man he will pay them.
- don't waste your time on comparing you with his current gf, you just use too much of your energy and it makes you feel more bad. Actually never compare yourself with anybody, it will help you to keep yourself on possitive.
- even if you have bf, don't stop communicating with other men, you never know what life brings you. In my case my bf, but then only friend, was always around when I needed some talk. But don't tell them your whole sad stories, sometimes it can turn them off.
For example, my bf doesn't know the whole story which happened to me before we started dating...and now I see how good it is, because he doesn't question me about my exs and I don't question him about his. We don't compare ourselves with them, which is the biggest plus for the healthy relationship.

I read your story and couldn't help feeling sad for you. Well first thing is you need to change your name to something more original than Hyderabadgirl.
I am Indian and I live in Dubai. I have been married 28 years and never really been happy. My girlfriend who is American has been used and abused by her then boyfriend and then he became her husband because she adopted a lovely girl and she felt that the girl needed a father whom she knew. This guy gave her animal pills to make her fat at first she was willing to make him happy and then by force. I love her with every inch of my body and plan to be with her as soon as I rid myself of my financial issues. The love we have is unbelievable. I feel I was her only hope to get her thru tough times but now I feel she is my only hope too.
I pray for you and hope you can get your life in order just as I hope for mine too. Hugs. RM

hey i understand your situation. I can't help but hate Shillong girls and think badly of them. I also had a Khasi boyfriend who's from Shillong. WE were getting serious, I could say, he even introduced me to his family. It was a ong distance relationship(i'm form a different country, how we met is a long story) but yea it pretty worked out well. Until..until this christmas break where he had to go back to his hometown(he was studying in New Delhi that time) and since then, he started ignoring me..gradually. Til it seemed like he didnt care anymore. I found out this girl who had a "thing" for her had successfully seduced him and even gave him her 'virginity' (virginity is like a major thing in india). His friend told me. I dont know if he got the girl pregnant or what but yea it was heartbreaking. I didnt change my facebook account, all I did was change the password and relationship status. I didnt sulk n a corner and just break down. I wasnt fat but, let's just say I didnt have a "great" body so I started going to the gym, getting all pampered and being beauty conscious and everything. And after like a year, his friend messaged me (that same friend who told me about what he did, we're still in touch) about how he regretted what he did to me. THe girl he chose over me is 3-4 years younger was a highschooler that time,still an immature little *****. So yea, now I have this hatred for Shillong sl*ts.

As an addition to the story... he lured me to India for the sole purpose of taking pictures with me to impress a girl whom wouldn't give him the time of day otherwise. I was just a pawn.

He says his friend (your man) regrets what he did? How so? And why did your man NOT apologize to you directly if he regrets?

your life story made me so sad & depressed.

hi madame,

iam an Indian,
-> u shouldn\'t hav made ur sexual relationship at first.

-> indian culture are different than urs, if u want to marry him
first make their family accept u, then marriage and then comes
the sex relationship

->if he really loved u then he wouldn\'t hav made u suffer alot for
saving money in this case he must spend money for u.

-> (what i would say to my girl in this situation is : \"i can\'t bear
seeing u working hard to reach me it hurts me, so u lower
burden i will make money for u\")

-> \"this guyz must have helped u alot to make u fly there, if he
doesn\'t bother why would u\"

-> not all of them(indian) are bad few ******** are like this

-> u must hav made ur relation more clear b4 having sex. u must
hav cross examined all the possible negatives that would
happened then.

-> distant relationship is too hard please try to hav them close

---->>>> at last what i would say is u picked a wrong guy its all your<<<<----
---- i\'m posting this very late hope u see this----
if u see this lemme know the wrong aspect i made :)
hav a nice day... :)

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Well my story is entirely different . I met an Indian guy from fb and it was a long relationship and he was doing his college and i was working here.. he is 6 months younger than me and he keeps saying me he will come for me to usa to care you .. First i loved him a lot and as does proceed my love for him was going down and then i found a guy over here and i was dating him but his love was increasing day by day so i was not in a mindset to tell him that i have a bf ..later he told me he skipped his college campus interview and he had a mind set to do college in the state where i am living so he can be next to me. I was really worried that its time to tell him that i have a bf and i was not able to tell him because he used to make videos , photos spends a lot of time with me even though i didn't reply him much .. i try not to chat with him but he say he will really depressed . He used to ask for money and i have sent him once and then he keep asking and i felt like he want me for money and he says he has a hard life and for writing exams he need money and he is from a middle class family so they cant spend much money for exam fees but nothing made me to believe him . He was keep asking me money and then i have said him i wont send money to me anymore and then we chatted very rarely for few months and i thought he don't want me now after knowing that i am not sending him money and after 4 months he told me he got a college in usa and its near my city and he showed me photos of his college acceptance letter and i din believe him as it can be some fake tricks and he asked for money to buy air tickets and still i dint help him ... after long days he had a post status in his fb that he got visa and going to usa to study and i was engaged few months before and i don't know how to tell him and i thought of convincing him after he come to usa.. and he came to usa in sept 2012 and he met me and he wants to date with me but i try to give some excuses and make him believe me and i told my bf about this and happily was not not mad on me and he was helping me to convince him and one day i met him and we try to convince him but he was crying and try to convince as much as we can but he din't listen to us and my bf got angry so i have no other way other than leaving the place . then he messaged me a lot , called me a lot and when i pick his call .. he was crying and i don't know what to do and then the next day i messaged him that we cant be together and i cant hurt my family . He was again calling and messaging me and i replied to him rarely 5 days later i had the worst moment in my life when i come to know he suicided 2 days before and i had police enquiries for his death and later i come across to know that all he said was the truth and he was from a middle class family and his family montly income was low and he took loan to study and now his parents are suffering to pay some part of the loan and his friends started to message me and i deleted my fb account and i had the worst life and i cant digest to know that i made a guy kill himself and i married my bf early this year and when i come across to know what he has done to me .. i felt very sad that i was not able to feel his love and everyday i used to think about him and my family members try to convince me but he always deep in my hard ... deeper than my husband :'(

thats a sad story with horrible end :(

you wronged him :( for not telling him that you made a bf while you were still in a relationship with him, being honest and not avoiding him would have saved maybe his life and your soul which might suffer knowing your part in all this.
Did he found out you were engaged only we reached the states?
He tried to do all to reach you gosh and found out it was in vane, how completely sad indeed. :'(

you r 100% right but people prefer to escape from problem thinking that they will get away or will get solved automatically rather facing them. well i called that ostrich approach. do you know what ostrich do when he sees danger? he stuck his head in the ground, he thinks he doesn't see the danger the danger wouldn't see him.

this wat it results wen we hav a distant relaytionship.
while i was reading u story i was really indulged and i thought different thing would happen.
it seems like his love was real.

What you did was unconscionable, heinous and I feel bad for the life you destroyed. He worked so hard for you and your love, he gave his everything to you and you treated him like nothing. He was worth more than your life and your now husband's life combined by virtue of his sacrifice and pure and honest love for you. He is an angel who gave it all for you and you gave him nothing but grief and death in the end. I cry for him because he is like me.

And in the end, because of what you did, you forfeit your own soul because you broke his to the point where he felt no way out of the pain except death. For this, there is no forgiveness, even by God.

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When I began dating an Indian man, it was wonderful. It was the best relationship I had ever had. After a few months he was honest with his family and revealed our relationship. He was born in Mumbai and raised in Dubai and moved to Texas after high school. I'm Hispanic. My family wasn't 100% ok with it but let me decide on my own. Almost a year into our relationship he visited his family in Dubai and when he returned he broke up with me stating he could not live with himself for hurting his family. We didn't communicate for a few months. When we finally got in contact he said we could only be friends because our relationship would never work out. His father came to Texas to visit and I asked to meet him but his father refused. I eventually began dating other men and as soon as word got to him from his friends he began looking for me and taking me everywhere with him. This led us to once again begin our relationship. He kept it secret for a while to avoid home arguments until one day he said that he loved me too much to keep me a secret. His family tried even harder to arrange a marriage..sending him multiple requests and profiles, but he ignored them all. His family refused to see me as anything more than a mere past time. After three years if being together his family finally gave in. His family here in Texas took me out for my birthday in an effort to get to know me. 9 months later he proposed..all planned out with his family's help & he had just signed papers for a home. He proposed in our now home. Five months later we were married. We had an Indian religious three day wedding with a mix of Mexican traditions in our reception. I met his parents and grandmother just one week before the wedding. I feel 100% accepted by all his family now. And we have been happily married for 8 months now.

Not all Indian men are the same. I have lived through the same nightmares many of you had and had the same fears. I thought I was wasting my time being in love with him. Thankfully he went against it all & was able to see that our love is true and that it can work out.

Good luck to all of you.

at last some positive real life story very happy to read a story with positive ending.

yeah lol almost only sad stories here so far

Hi. I am reading through all these sad stories of torment and anguish amongst all you people on here. I myself had been in a relationship with a Hindu for 16 months. I am from the uk and he was born here. His parents moved here 30 years ago. We met through work, and instantly there was an intense spiritual connection, we remained friends for a while and loved blossomed. It was intense, passionate. He was my soul mate. In march 12 I fell pregnant. 3 weeks later I sadly terminated the child, knowing what the consequences would be of keeping it. His family never knew of me, he constantly said he was telling them slowly. At first I believed him, then over the months it chipped away at me. We worked together in different departments, a week after the termination my boss put me back on probation for no reason. July 12 I lost my job due to unfair dismissal. I was heart broken I had lost a child, and losing my job felt like someone above was punishing me. My Indian boyfriend constantly was saying he would tell family, that they wanted him to be happy. If that was the case, why treat me like a bird in a guilder cage, a secret, an affair. He showered me with gifts, said he loved me 20 times a day. As time went in arguments escalated. I was tired of not being recognised, I assumed too much. January of this year he started to back off, due to pressures at home, was blaming me for arguing, blaming me for him not telling family because he felt like he was walking on eggshells. I feel he manipulated me? Twisting things and turning it on me. In march this year, I collapsed and was in hospital and on my birthday ( he wanted to see me) I said no, as we had been arguing, he said he needed a break. I was in shock that I was in hospital and he could do this. He has not apologised, and we have not spoken in 2 weeks. He screamed and shouted at me by text saying this is too much heart break yet I firmly believe there is more to this. I truly loved and adored this man. I feel I am only half a person walking.

very sorry to hear it but some guys are jerks.

I am a white girl from the U.S. who met an Indian man when we were in an advanced academic program together. He attached himself to me right away and I grew to like him very much. I am a virgin and a bit older than he. We did not live together. Out of respect for myself and him, there were no displays of public affection, only a platonic hug out of sight of others. He wasn't ready for marriage and that was OK with me. He told another Indian man in front of me that we were together for life. Met his mother and we got along famously. Out of the blue his family engaged him to an Indian girl and the marriage happened a few months later. Even though engagement is not forced marriage, I don't think either one could back out as it would be shame on the families who engaged these two without their knowledge beforehand. This was a step above meeting and deciding if they wanted to be together, at least that is what I was led to believe. Even after a couple of years of this happening, I still feel the betrayal. They talk about how arranged marriage means that you learn to love and assume that such a thing can't happen outside of arrangement. Our attraction was not lust or love. It was a growing to like each other and learn more about each other. Had we been able to stay together, maybe we would have married and learned more. Just be careful. As a non-Indian, you can still do everything that fits the culture (virginity, respect for parents, etc.), and have it go wrong. Personally, I will never get mixed up with in Indian man again even though I know that not all Indian men are the same. Most will do what the parents say and the parents will arrange their son's marriage with an Indian girl even if they like you. Afterwards, the Indian man will act like he never had feelings for you and will act surprised that you had feelings for him, like none of it ever existed. Hold on to your heart!

Hi there, we have the same story except that I am Asian meeting this man in the Western world. Like yourself, I am also a virgin, educated and adhere to good values in life. I just really do not know why the lines would be exactly the same when it comes to their response to us all women. Relationship will not work out and he follows his parents will and the tradition even if he likes you. I am still trying to heal and forget it. I thought it is easy but in the silence of the night I cannot help asking the reason why a man who is educated, modern and competitive in the work world would be that dependent to his parents will. I just could not imagine why they will not choose to voice their hearts content and willing to be arranged with someone they do not even know. The whole engagement process is so sad and i find myself insulted over and over again. It is like the regular dating website where you meet bunch of good and bad people around. His mom looked for women for him as she said she will never be able to accept me and our relationship will not work. He is sent lots of photos of girls whom some of them looks like a *****, some are very young and well there are also some decent ones. However, it looking for a woman in the whole of south india from any parents/woman who will have interest in a man's profile. Whereas, this man whom they are trying to arrange with still like a woman. Prior to him going home for an engagement he went to see me, he sound to be so persistent to see me and I was under the hope that was a good sign. I was thinking he will tell me that hey, I will tell mom about you and will fight for you. However, after a very romantic evening where he even wanted for us to go all the way things said a few days after that is his mom will not able to accept me. It was so hurting and I am in so much pain. I wish I was able to read all these article before I gave my heart to him so I will not be in pain like this. Hope that some ladies who will start in a relationship with Indian men will not reach this sad ending as probably its 90% failure because of their too much attachment with their family and tradition. It is sad because it is not even enough to be a good person, educated, I am a Christian and he is Christian too, virgin, funny and loving to be given a chance by his family to be considered as a worthy bride.

i see lots of anger in your posts but it is all justified. i would have been felt the same if i were in your place but bad & good people r everywhere. so move forward in life and try to forget that as a bad chapter in your life.

Iam a white girl and have been dating an American born Indian for one year now. His parents are from India but have lived in this country for over 25 years. I can tell you I was worried that he would just have me as his fun and past times until his parents would make him start dating an Indian girl. But I talked to him about it and he said " I never want to be with an Indian girl..we don't have anything in common." He told me I had nothing to worry about. And he told me his mother looks at me like a daughter and his parents like me. Which I believe they do. Yesterday we were sitting on the couch with his mother and he asked him if he bought my Valentines day gift yet. He said maybe. Then his mom mentioned that its been a year and he needs to put a ring on my finger. Kinda awkward..lol.. and he said when he is ready he will do it. His parents think that since they got an arranged marriage two weeks after they met..that he has to get married super quick. So not all indian families are the same. I think if they are super traditional maybe there may be a issue..but if they have adapted to the western world..it will turn out ok. We r in our mid twenty's..not ready to make babies yet..or get married but I can definately see myself with him for a long time.

be careful honey xxxx

Gypsy0529:

Hi. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I cannot believe he was doing that secretly behind your back while lying to you. But did he truly want the arranged marriage or did his parents want it? In my case, my guy is still arguing with them about having one, and now it's 6 months later. You're right, in their mindset, we don't have the value we deserve and no-one needs that in life. Did your guy have the arranged marriage? Thank you, I wish you peace and luck also.