My Indian Boyfriend

I'm currently dating my boyfriend who is Indian. We have known each other for almost four years and met through friends! Have been dating for a year. It is a long distance and we see each other once a month or twice!! :) His parents are very old fashion and religious, Hindu. He had not seen his parents for a few years and are currently visiting him and his brother. He told his mom about me and before he could go on. His mother asked if I was Indian. My b.f. said no she is not Indian.  She then cried and was upset the fact that I'm not Indian. I was so sad to find out about this. I'm extemely sad. :'( I want his parents to accept me like my parents accepted him. Now, I'm starting to wonder thing. For instance, what if he uses me to be his girlfriend (sex) until he finds an Indian girl (arranged marriage).  Should I ask him what he is planing to do? He tells me that his parents will eventually like me once they meet me. They will like me because I'm educated (master's in chemical engineering), kind, family orientated, and more. However, I'm starting to doubt him. What if he wants to use me. I'm so0o0o0o sad. Should I ask him? or should I wait and see how the relationship goes. What do you think?
zalzila19 zalzila19
84 Responses Jun 7, 2011

Hey, I'm dating an Indian Male too.. Your story is kinda similar to mine. Only my bfs parents have threaten numerous times to kill themselves. Good luck :)

Hey dear, I'm 15 Indian guy myself.. I do know how parents and other guys here and its really hard for guys to tell them but if they don't have ability they should not start relationship! I myself is in a long distance relationship with a Filipina girl.. I will start hard work because i know I'll have hard time things are different here! I'm teen so you might take me as growing guy but really i live here in that kind of situation and atmosphere so i know how things are like... Dear, i'm ready to leave my home in future if parents will not agree too! I do love my parents i know thry never wants my bad but in this things seriously they don't understands.. I say yes you should ask him! There must be some people here saying things like you are not right! But dear i really prefer you asking.. The much early it is more better dear

Do he himself have ability to feed you? Is he brave enough to leave his home? I know they might accept when they'll see your baby! but Is he brave enough? I'm late to send something here already I'm deeply sorry but its better people read this dear i wish so best for you dear.. Take care and reach at top of life best wishes <3

Definately ask him about his plans. I seriously doubt that his family will suddenly think you're wonderful and would be happy if he committed himself to you. These cultural practices of arranged marriages are set in stone. His parents will never accept you, they have already demonstrated their distress that you are not Indian.

Always best to be straightforward and clear the doubts !

I'm German, 26 years old, staying in New Zealand for the last 6 month. On my first day in nz I met this awesome Indian guy (40 years already)...after six weeks we started dating. His last girlfriend was a secret to his family for almost 10 years, because she's Chinese and a few years older ( very strange parentship, more platonic )
Now I have to go back to Germany...but I'm thinking about coming back and live together. He wants me to come back and told his mum ( which I met already ) that he's interested in a girl, but couldn't talk proper to her that he's talking about me...she used to bother him every day that he should met the Indian girls she knows...
He's talking about thinking long therm, when I'm making my decision, that I have to be sure leaving my life in Germany behind me to live with him...think about marring and having children ( not now...) and then if I can live with Indian culture.. But I don't know...I love this men, more then I've ever loved somebody...but my children following the Indian culture, that's weird...maybe if here's someone in the same situation who can share experience...

Indians guys are reserved and introvert, they dont play with girls ,they respect them. I think u r exaggerating , he is very much loyal to u.

I am as well he's 34 I'm 28. Been dating almost 8 months and already talking about marriage, know that, an Indian (hindu) parents find it disrespect to know of, see, or meet an American girlfriend!! So know if u met his parents via Skype or anything, he is really into u. I've met my bfs parents but via Skype, n they insisted meeting me, after my bf told them about me. I love him, he's kind n generous, it's I'm first!! He's amazing!!!

Twenty-eight year old white woman currently dating a 21 year old Indian man. We have only been dating for 4 months but want to spend the rest of our lives together. Going to India to visit his parents in February. I can't believe how ready he is to settle down, but I love it. He would marry me tomorrow. Love him!

best of luck

Good wishes for ur life.

its unfair to you. I have been in a relationship wid my bf for 3 years.He mentioned me about the parental Pressures that guys have to handle,as the parents are not quiet understanding and bit conservative.My bf left home at 20,as he used to work parttime and earn. He rented a apartment so that we could stay together.We'r having a Healthy relationship today. His Parents are more good than what i thought.They have no Problems with us being together abd now we'r getting engaged.
My boyfriend have some advice for those who gets in a realtionship with these guys,make sure you ask about the future.Whether his parents be ok or not. and then decide

I'm still 18 and I don't know about love and stuff like that. But I think you should ask him. I have an Indian boyfriend, he's 18 too. and his mom would make him visit me next summer. So I think they're nice, not like your future in-laws. but hey, we'll never know. that might be true love and if his mom get's to know you, she might get to like you too. :) I hope you two last. :)

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year but I'm nervous to introduce him to my parents because he is white and my parents are from west Africa.Me and my boyfriend are already engaged but my parents haven't even met him. My parents want me to marry a black man but I don't want to, I'm worried that they wont approve of my relationship. I'll be the girl who brought home a white boy.

Personally I like reading these heartbreaking stories. They make you realize a lot of things about people in general. I don't know why the topic about relationship with Indian guys beats the score though. Not many Indians but majority are very charming young men indeed, so no wonder girls all over the world go for them. But I don't understand why so many women blame them. I don't understand women who assume that Indian bfs used them for sex. Girls, they didn't own your body on the first place and if they did have sex with you multiply times it's because you allowed them. Many Indian men who date girls back in India see nothing bad in not having sexual intercource with their gfs before marriage. So the fact you gifted them sex is your problem. Indian or no, if a young healthy woman proposes man to make love, only a priest or insane will refuse.
Don't want to feel used by Indian men or men in general, don't have sex with them then...or change your mindset right away. Stop playing a victim and be in charge of your own decisions, ex. Having sex with your Indian man was your decision.
Now about marriage with an Indian. Don't forget Indian or non Indian he is a simple man in the end. It has nothing to do with his culture and traditions, if he is not sure you are the one he won't propose and marry you.
I have a good Indian friend who dates a girl from Ukraine. She is his second serious date (the first one was Ukrainian too). So if he wasn't sure about the first gf who was super hot, artistic and into Indian culture(she was Bollywood style dancer), he is quite sure about his current gf, he has already proposed to her and acknowledged his whole family about his intentions. They don't mind. This girl will have very hard times dealing with Indian traditions, but at this point she doesn't care much about it. She is happy.
A lot of women also forget that majority of men has commitment phobia, caused by many personal issues.
I had another friend who dated her white exbf for 5 years, 4 years they lived together. Within 5 years he wasn't ready for marriage with her because wanted to check for other options. They broke up and he started to date another girl who didn't cost a damn (his words). He begged my friend to come back n promised to propose in short time, but once she forgave him he got cold feet again. The second break up was the last one. This girl is married with another good guy now (Indian btw) and her ex is still searching for the one to marry, same time texting my friend day n night, using all bad words for her and her Indian hubby, n blaming her for living a happy life with him. She is giving a birth to a kid soon, a son. Her husband's family feels delighted about this even more than her family who didn't approve the marriage of their daughter, but they started seeing her again n accepted her decision at last. New born babies do unite families.
I also date an Indian who is the most kindest man I ever met. I love him dearly and no matter how our life will be settled (being together or no) I thank god for meeting him. We both changed as persons after our meet, at same time we started to grow spiritually. Sometimes I think our spiritual growth was the reason the meeting occurred. Sometimes I feel that there is something more we still have to learn about life together. But whatever future holds my experience is priceless and I suggest all women, who struggle, accept all relationship challenges as good lessons to learn from. You might be with your man married in future, but might not be. You can't tell now. But what you can tell is that all the issues that are triggered in your relationship are for personal growth. It's easy to play a victim when the life kicks your *** not giving what you crave for? If you don't get it now I means you are not ready, learn for experience to be ready with your current bf of a new one next time.

Remember the Indian (East or Native American) culture is very old and over ripe unlike the immigrant civilization of the America of today. Its flexibility to new ideas is very limited. Its very simple. Tell him your intentions and if he (and his) cannot accept them then he cannot accept you and you must move on. Find someone else you can share mutual love and respect with and this kind of situation will pan out for the long run. You got only one llfe, live it to the fullest!

You'd never know about the future if you don't take this step! Just go for it...

I'm assuming you're white?

I just wanted to say that white and Indian mixed kids are freaking BEAUTIFUL.

Best mix in my opinion. You guys would make some gorgeous kids.

I dated this non indian girl we feel in love supposedly. I introduced her to my family. My family initially was hesitant later they said ok if I really wanted. Then I was fully committed. I used to call everyday and we used to meet once in 2 months (long distance). The more I was showing commitment, she was getting distant and started to take me for granted and criticizing for everything. I became depressed and ruined my career (was a PhD student), left with Masters. Oh only if I knew about girls... I am a Masters in Chemical engineering as well.. Just thought I should tell you my story. Girls' brains are tricky. The moment he commits to you and his parents agree. You will start worrying whether you made the correct decision. You will start to think reverse. Is he marrying me for citizenship? Is he marrying me for something else..? You don't believe why he said yes and start wondering and ruin everything. If this happens to you. Do not ruin it. .. Just letting everyone know that there is a reason why they worry...


u hit bull eyes bro. u r 100% right

I met an online friend who was an indian over a year ago... been chatting since then and he became my bestfriend,,... unfortunately, I fell in love with him.. but I dont know where it leads me.. he isnt feeling the same and he just treats me as his closest female a filipino so..
Ill just be singing the song "lucky" by jason mraz... and I call him "sam"...

Hey, I was in the same boat as you, I'm not Indian and dated one. He kept saying "hold on until the dust cloud settles" when I ask him if there even is a future . That lasted for 4.5 years. I was a secret to his family but not to mine. Out of my insecurity, I kept asking him that he should do as what I did to him. He told my existence to his sister and that's about the furthest it went. Obviously his sister was arranged and married that person to obey her parents so you would expect her side was against our relationship.In the last year we were together, he was being arranged without me knowing it. Although he was giving hints about being arranged, I dont know why in the world he was trying to keep me (time pass? confusion? ). I respected him for being wise when it comes to handling relationships in the past but surely keeping me while his wedding was being arranged was complete folly and unfair to me. Also another incident happened, his cousin decided to marry an Indian who is a year older than him. His whole clan got crazy to the extent that his parents said something like if they were his counsin's parents, they would have died of a heart attack. So it went to " if you dont obey us, we would die" and "we will find you a nice girl, dont disappoint us"...

In the end, before his engagement ceremony he finally broke up with me. It was hard mainly because of the time I spent/wasted with him and also felt betrayed/cheated how al these things were going on under my nose.
To this day however, I am grateful that he broke up with me because I found real happiness after that. I could not imagine living a life of compromise with him otherwise (a lot of compromise is necessary if you come from different cultures). A friend once said, you cant have 2 heads sleep in one pillow... it's difficult!!!!

In any case, if he respects you and your happiness, I think you need to ask for that clarity from him. Being used as a time pass is very typical for them to do and painful on our part. I heard tons of other stories even from Indian women themselves who are also in the university.

It is a good thing though that he told his parents about you. Only time will tell... I hope they dont use the "we will die if you disobey us" card on you.

Every story is different. I told you mine. However the path goes for you, know that we grow in the pain and something good comes out in time so dont be scared. Just push forward and onward.

some guys r just plain ***.

so u found ur true soulmate after the break up. it tells that everything god does to us is for our own good.

I am myself an Indian and hate this old mindset the senior folks here have. The new generation is a tad different. My parents are quite ahead of their time and I know that they won't have any problem with this kind of stuff if ever I come across such situation. Religion, race and colour should never come in between love.

I am an Indian guy .. mid-20s, just met an awesome English girl who's swept my imagination away, she was a classmate during a course in London, all I can do is think of her. I told her at the end of course, in a nightclub when there was an official end-of-course party. I've talked a lot to her, we've broached so many subjects, about society, growing up in our countries, culture, Indians and English, accents, world politics, career and work, future plans, siblings, parents, anecdotes from our lives ... in short she knows me in my entirety just as I know her, and she has no boyfriend. Am currently back in India, arranging to be in the UK next year. I'm hoping I will be writing a happy story a few years down the line ....

like to hear ur successfull result

I am hearing all this story how these white girls crying that their Indian Men left them for there mom's love. Come on!!! When you where little did you ever went to an indian boy and was attracted to him. Did you ever help his self esteem. NOO!! His mother build him to become a successful Man and you ask him to leave her. Really??? The Only women that kept his insanity and pride and making him feel good/loved while all the other "boys" he grown up with especially in U.S.A. got your attention and love. If the indian boy wasn't attractive enough for an indian girls standards (whatever that maybe) then his self esteem when he was little was extremely low because the chances for him to interact with any other girl is low. Plus boys are generally shy at first which doesn't help either and his mother not encouraging a dating life that doesn't help either. You were too busy building up loser Man and investing your time building up the wrong type of men in your life! Indian Man know this or keep it in an unconscious level and when we grow up, (job, security, etc) we deny that you are what we really want in life. Some Indian men keep believing in you but most stop and conclude the relationship won't workout.

You probably leave him for some other loser guy like you did before. Indian men/Indian Culture don't divorce!! He is not going to risk everything he worked so hard to achieve, just to lose everything. We value Family and understand it's importance. Most indian men don't want to take that kind of Big Risk with an American white girl who in the U.S.A. Who have an extremely high divorce rate!! He probably already lost like 15 yrs of his life through studies or more, just to obtain a successful job while you were probably partying with friends, at clubs and doing whatever. He needs to catch up or find true happiness; finally!! (whatever that maybe). I personally have my ups and downs but I still believe in you girls or just being an Asian indian American still want your attention and love. Good Luck with the Indian Men search.

Source: A Christian Asian Indian American. There are a few (100,000 +) of us in the U.S.A. Most of us are in Long Island new york or NY city, or PA. Then Texas and FL. Then few elsewhere in the states. We all have roots from South India Kerala. The only highly populated Christian Indian State in India. Try a Christian Indian bf, the family is more likely to accept you plus if he is born in U.S.A. like me =) the family will definitely accept you with time or immediately accept you. For me, My mom and dad prefer an Christian Indian girl but I keep telling them I'm attractive to certain American White girls. My sister would accept you immediately or at least try to accept you at first because she realizes I'm not going to pick a dumb girl with no values and is a zombie. =p Besides them the rest of my family will accept you immediately; like my cousins. There parents might doubt your reasons for choosing me at first but they won't say anything bad to you in order to avoid any misunderstanding or conflicts. In time, after kids, my whole family will accept you and treat you like family. 100% sure!!-
Disclaimer is that most of the Christian American Asian Indian guys are shy of you American White girls and communities due to not understanding your way of life and etc. Which is extremely complicated because there so many different groups of American white girls. They might stay within there own Indian Community bubble (comfort zone) that they created. Also, you have your few extreme A**Hole in every group whether they are parents or someone else in the community. As long as you show your man some comfort and trust that you are not going to leave him then he is yours. Remember we are extremely the minority in U.S.A. Indian pop is less then 1% and Christians Indians are even less. But all of us value education, financial security, family, long life, and happiness. ;)

Im sorry to hear those bad experiences. its making me think anything can happen anytime.i didn't think they could still leave you after having babies. what happens to family then cause these babies still habr Indian blood in them? So heartbreaking

Ive known my indian boyfriend for 4 years. Im african descent from Mauritius.we are both immigrants.We dated for 3 years b4 we moved in together. In the first three years we had ups n down but we stuck together and loved each other. The 4th year when we moved in together wd had heaps of financial and immigration issues and despite all these we stayed strong especially me as he was pretty much screwed.
Throughout all these years he didnt tell his family about me, i asked him regularly but he said he was waiting for the right time. Last month he went back to india and he finally told his family. I spoke to his cousins who said they wld help.. He told me that his dad said ' if thats the girl you going to marry then u will'But his sister and mum has ever since been trying to talk him into marrying a girl from home. Now his whole family is doing so. They even sending proposals.He has been very strong but last week we had a big fight where i had like a mental breakdown ( yelling screaming at people, i dnt wsnt to blame it on the two beers)he said to me that he is scared of marrying me now...He said that he is fighting for me and that im not making it easy for him by behaving like i did..
Im not a bad person, i know i can be cruel( i might have undiagnosed hormonal issues) but underneath it all i am a very good person and he knows that otherwise he wouldnt be with me. But now i have doubts about his love for me. No matter how crazy i might hve been on that day shouldnt make him doubt me??!
Is it really the problem or is that him slowly
Trying to find reasons to leave me?
Im also a big built and a bit overweight and he has been encouraging me like crazy to lose weight, i mean yes its for my health and of course i want to lose weight too but it feels like he's ashame of me or something..
I dont know i always felt that he loves me,there has been a lot of occasion where he could have left me before we got this close in the 4th year but he never did. Now im scared that he will. I know this is a hard situation for him and his parents and he always has told me how hard its going to be to convince his parents but that they will end up accepting...i love him so much and would do pretty much anything for him, at one point i thought he would too but now i wonder if he really does?? Is he just staying with me until we obtain our permanent residency? R these dreams about having a business together, babies and house together fake?
So today im going to sit with him and ask him again but what do you guys think?

That's tough. Just be confident in him since he seems to be fighting for you. That last thing he wants is the one he is fighting for fighting back at him. It does not make sense. You can thank him and even encourage him, but losing your temper to the troubles he had for you is not going to help.

since this question is too old its no need to answer it now you must have solved it by now.


A lot of stories here of heartbroken non-Indian girls with Indian boyfriends, and I feel that many of these girls are painting a negative stereotypical image of Indian men. So I wanted to show the other side of the coin.

I am an Indian guy, and when I was in college, I dated a white Canadian woman. We dated for 4 years, and I was seriously in love with her, I was going to ask her to marry me. Then one day I find out that she has been cheating on me for the last 6 months with another guy. I broke up with her, I was heartbroken and almost went into depression.

I could have stereotyped all white girls as unfaithful cheaters, and never dated white girls again. But I didnt do that, I knew that just because my white girlfriend was a cheater didnt mean that all of them are, unlike some white girls in this forum talking about negatively about ALL Indian men. I started dating a white girl again, and now we have been happily married for 4 years.

Moral of the story: Dont judge an entire race of people because of a few bad apples. Some people are lying and deceitful, and that happens to people of all races. Good luck to everyone's quest for love, whether that man you fall for be Indian or non-Indian...

I support what u say. My friend was cheated by her caucasian boyfriend......she was shattered. But her best friends in her university are : 1 caucasian girl, 1 caucasian guy and an Afro-American guy.....please please do not judge the race by a few people. Isn't it the same attitude as the Indian parents? only reversed....judging by race is immature

All I can say is you need to cut off the relationship with him, i know it will not be easy bcoz u love him,just slowly... the earlier the better, so u'll not be hurt or broken in d end..I was in same situation, but he was emotionally forced to get engage, he didn't fight for his love for me..he's telling me he still loved me, but he get engage and eventually didnt contact me after the engagement, i send congratulation & told him its painful,.Its like he moved on easily,..

I have an Indian boyfriend, we have been together for eight years, to begin with I felt very unsettled because I felt like he was hiding me but I carried on anyway, he told me he loved me, so I tried to understand. two years in to the relationship he moved back to India, I went to stay with him a month later. he had told his mum he was in love with me and that he was going to marry me, we are still not married yet as I am only in my mid 20s and up until now I have said i'm not ready and while they want their son to get married they have respected this we are now planning our marriage for the end of this year.

it now happens that he\'s having a arranged marriage, I am completely heart broken, but if he didn\'t want to marry her there are other options he could of taken. just heart broken he has moved on so quickly I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with him but he clearly didn\'t feel the same.

Well my story is entirely different . I met an Indian guy from fb and it was a long relationship and he was doing his college and i was working here.. he is 6 months younger than me and he keeps saying me he will come for me to usa to care you .. First i loved him a lot and as does proceed my love for him was going down and then i found a guy over here and i was dating him but his love was increasing day by day so i was not in a mindset to tell him that i have a bf ..later he told me he skipped his college campus interview and he had a mind set to do college in the state where i am living so he can be next to me. I was really worried that its time to tell him that i have a bf and i was not able to tell him because he used to make videos , photos spends a lot of time with me even though i didn't reply him much .. i try not to chat with him but he say he will really depressed . He used to ask for money and i have sent him once and then he keep asking and i felt like he want me for money and he says he has a hard life and for writing exams he need money and he is from a middle class family so they cant spend much money for exam fees but nothing made me to believe him . He was keep asking me money and then i have said him i wont send money to me anymore and then we chatted very rarely for few months and i thought he don't want me now after knowing that i am not sending him money and after 4 months he told me he got a college in usa and its near my city and he showed me photos of his college acceptance letter and i din believe him as it can be some fake tricks and he asked for money to buy air tickets and still i dint help him ... after long days he had a post status in his fb that he got visa and going to usa to study and i was engaged few months before and i don't know how to tell him and i thought of convincing him after he come to usa.. and he came to usa in sept 2012 and he met me and he wants to date with me but i try to give some excuses and make him believe me and i told my bf about this and happily was not not mad on me and he was helping me to convince him and one day i met him and we try to convince him but he was crying and try to convince as much as we can but he din't listen to us and my bf got angry so i have no other way other than leaving the place . then he messaged me a lot , called me a lot and when i pick his call .. he was crying and i don't know what to do and then the next day i messaged him that we cant be together and i cant hurt my family . He was again calling and messaging me and i replied to him rarely 5 days later i had the worst moment in my life when i come to know he suicided 2 days before and i had police enquiries for his death and later i come across to know that all he said was the truth and he was from a middle class family and his family montly income was low and he took loan to study and now his parents are suffering to pay some part of the loan and his friends started to message me and i deleted my fb account and i had the worst life and i cant digest to know that i made a guy kill himself and i married my bf early this year and when i come across to know what he has done to me .. i felt very sad that i was not able to feel his love and everyday i used to think about him and my family members try to convince me but he always deep in my hard ... deeper than my husband :'(

thats a sad story with horrible end :(

you wronged him :( for not telling him that you made a bf while you were still in a relationship with him, being honest and not avoiding him would have saved maybe his life and your soul which might suffer knowing your part in all this.
Did he found out you were engaged only we reached the states?
He tried to do all to reach you gosh and found out it was in vane, how completely sad indeed. :'(

you r 100% right but people prefer to escape from problem thinking that they will get away or will get solved automatically rather facing them. well i called that ostrich approach. do you know what ostrich do when he sees danger? he stuck his head in the ground, he thinks he doesn't see the danger the danger wouldn't see him.

this wat it results wen we hav a distant relaytionship.
while i was reading u story i was really indulged and i thought different thing would happen.
it seems like his love was real.

1 More Response

When I began dating an Indian man, it was wonderful. It was the best relationship I had ever had. After a few months he was honest with his family and revealed our relationship. He was born in Mumbai and raised in Dubai and moved to Texas after high school. I'm Hispanic. My family wasn't 100% ok with it but let me decide on my own. Almost a year into our relationship he visited his family in Dubai and when he returned he broke up with me stating he could not live with himself for hurting his family. We didn't communicate for a few months. When we finally got in contact he said we could only be friends because our relationship would never work out. His father came to Texas to visit and I asked to meet him but his father refused. I eventually began dating other men and as soon as word got to him from his friends he began looking for me and taking me everywhere with him. This led us to once again begin our relationship. He kept it secret for a while to avoid home arguments until one day he said that he loved me too much to keep me a secret. His family tried even harder to arrange a marriage..sending him multiple requests and profiles, but he ignored them all. His family refused to see me as anything more than a mere past time. After three years if being together his family finally gave in. His family here in Texas took me out for my birthday in an effort to get to know me. 9 months later he proposed..all planned out with his family's help & he had just signed papers for a home. He proposed in our now home. Five months later we were married. We had an Indian religious three day wedding with a mix of Mexican traditions in our reception. I met his parents and grandmother just one week before the wedding. I feel 100% accepted by all his family now. And we have been happily married for 8 months now.

Not all Indian men are the same. I have lived through the same nightmares many of you had and had the same fears. I thought I was wasting my time being in love with him. Thankfully he went against it all & was able to see that our love is true and that it can work out.

Good luck to all of you.

at last some positive real life story very happy to read a story with positive ending.

yeah lol almost only sad stories here so far

Hi. I am reading through all these sad stories of torment and anguish amongst all you people on here. I myself had been in a relationship with a Hindu for 16 months. I am from the uk and he was born here. His parents moved here 30 years ago. We met through work, and instantly there was an intense spiritual connection, we remained friends for a while and loved blossomed. It was intense, passionate. He was my soul mate. In march 12 I fell pregnant. 3 weeks later I sadly terminated the child, knowing what the consequences would be of keeping it. His family never knew of me, he constantly said he was telling them slowly. At first I believed him, then over the months it chipped away at me. We worked together in different departments, a week after the termination my boss put me back on probation for no reason. July 12 I lost my job due to unfair dismissal. I was heart broken I had lost a child, and losing my job felt like someone above was punishing me. My Indian boyfriend constantly was saying he would tell family, that they wanted him to be happy. If that was the case, why treat me like a bird in a guilder cage, a secret, an affair. He showered me with gifts, said he loved me 20 times a day. As time went in arguments escalated. I was tired of not being recognised, I assumed too much. January of this year he started to back off, due to pressures at home, was blaming me for arguing, blaming me for him not telling family because he felt like he was walking on eggshells. I feel he manipulated me? Twisting things and turning it on me. In march this year, I collapsed and was in hospital and on my birthday ( he wanted to see me) I said no, as we had been arguing, he said he needed a break. I was in shock that I was in hospital and he could do this. He has not apologised, and we have not spoken in 2 weeks. He screamed and shouted at me by text saying this is too much heart break yet I firmly believe there is more to this. I truly loved and adored this man. I feel I am only half a person walking.

very sorry to hear it but some guys are jerks.

I am a white girl from the U.S. who met an Indian man when we were in an advanced academic program together. He attached himself to me right away and I grew to like him very much. I am a virgin and a bit older than he. We did not live together. Out of respect for myself and him, there were no displays of public affection, only a platonic hug out of sight of others. He wasn't ready for marriage and that was OK with me. He told another Indian man in front of me that we were together for life. Met his mother and we got along famously. Out of the blue his family engaged him to an Indian girl and the marriage happened a few months later. Even though engagement is not forced marriage, I don't think either one could back out as it would be shame on the families who engaged these two without their knowledge beforehand. This was a step above meeting and deciding if they wanted to be together, at least that is what I was led to believe. Even after a couple of years of this happening, I still feel the betrayal. They talk about how arranged marriage means that you learn to love and assume that such a thing can't happen outside of arrangement. Our attraction was not lust or love. It was a growing to like each other and learn more about each other. Had we been able to stay together, maybe we would have married and learned more. Just be careful. As a non-Indian, you can still do everything that fits the culture (virginity, respect for parents, etc.), and have it go wrong. Personally, I will never get mixed up with in Indian man again even though I know that not all Indian men are the same. Most will do what the parents say and the parents will arrange their son's marriage with an Indian girl even if they like you. Afterwards, the Indian man will act like he never had feelings for you and will act surprised that you had feelings for him, like none of it ever existed. Hold on to your heart!

Hi there, we have the same story except that I am Asian meeting this man in the Western world. Like yourself, I am also a virgin, educated and adhere to good values in life. I just really do not know why the lines would be exactly the same when it comes to their response to us all women. Relationship will not work out and he follows his parents will and the tradition even if he likes you. I am still trying to heal and forget it. I thought it is easy but in the silence of the night I cannot help asking the reason why a man who is educated, modern and competitive in the work world would be that dependent to his parents will. I just could not imagine why they will not choose to voice their hearts content and willing to be arranged with someone they do not even know. The whole engagement process is so sad and i find myself insulted over and over again. It is like the regular dating website where you meet bunch of good and bad people around. His mom looked for women for him as she said she will never be able to accept me and our relationship will not work. He is sent lots of photos of girls whom some of them looks like a *****, some are very young and well there are also some decent ones. However, it looking for a woman in the whole of south india from any parents/woman who will have interest in a man's profile. Whereas, this man whom they are trying to arrange with still like a woman. Prior to him going home for an engagement he went to see me, he sound to be so persistent to see me and I was under the hope that was a good sign. I was thinking he will tell me that hey, I will tell mom about you and will fight for you. However, after a very romantic evening where he even wanted for us to go all the way things said a few days after that is his mom will not able to accept me. It was so hurting and I am in so much pain. I wish I was able to read all these article before I gave my heart to him so I will not be in pain like this. Hope that some ladies who will start in a relationship with Indian men will not reach this sad ending as probably its 90% failure because of their too much attachment with their family and tradition. It is sad because it is not even enough to be a good person, educated, I am a Christian and he is Christian too, virgin, funny and loving to be given a chance by his family to be considered as a worthy bride.

i see lots of anger in your posts but it is all justified. i would have been felt the same if i were in your place but bad &amp; good people r everywhere. so move forward in life and try to forget that as a bad chapter in your life.

Iam a white girl and have been dating an American born Indian for one year now. His parents are from India but have lived in this country for over 25 years. I can tell you I was worried that he would just have me as his fun and past times until his parents would make him start dating an Indian girl. But I talked to him about it and he said " I never want to be with an Indian girl..we don't have anything in common." He told me I had nothing to worry about. And he told me his mother looks at me like a daughter and his parents like me. Which I believe they do. Yesterday we were sitting on the couch with his mother and he asked him if he bought my Valentines day gift yet. He said maybe. Then his mom mentioned that its been a year and he needs to put a ring on my finger. Kinda and he said when he is ready he will do it. His parents think that since they got an arranged marriage two weeks after they met..that he has to get married super quick. So not all indian families are the same. I think if they are super traditional maybe there may be a issue..but if they have adapted to the western will turn out ok. We r in our mid twenty's..not ready to make babies yet..or get married but I can definately see myself with him for a long time.

be careful honey xxxx


Hi. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I cannot believe he was doing that secretly behind your back while lying to you. But did he truly want the arranged marriage or did his parents want it? In my case, my guy is still arguing with them about having one, and now it's 6 months later. You're right, in their mindset, we don't have the value we deserve and no-one needs that in life. Did your guy have the arranged marriage? Thank you, I wish you peace and luck also.

I have been in an almost identical situation than all of you. I am a white American who was dating an Indian born Brahmin man for about 2.5 years. Six months ago, he broke up with me telling me things could never work between us because his mother would be "heartbroken" and he chooses her over me, basically. He claims he cared for me very much and will live to regret the decision forever, however I suppose actions speak louder than words? I wish he could just make the decision of having a happy life with someone he truly cares for and doesn't "learn to love." While his parents have been insisting he have an arranged marriage and are trying to set one up, he hasn't quite (yet) given into one. I still wish there could be hope. Am I crazy?? :(

I don't think you are crazy, instead I believe you are just wanting something that you can't force.
While my guy kept telling me that he would NEVER be in an arranged marriage, I discovered that he was desperately looking with his parents to get into one the whole time we were together. I think you'll see this is a common fact. It has been hard for me to come to terms with it, but I know now that I was just being used the whole time we were together.
I think we fantasize about these men coming back to us, and choosing to be happy with us, but in their mindset, we don't have the value we deserve. Its hard for us to stop loving, to move on, but we deserve someone who will not feel like he has to choose us OR his family and love us wholly.
I wish you peace and luck.

There is a few things common to all the women in the comments and and the original poster.

The bad : Secret relationship, parents do not know, boy marries indian girl eventually

The Good: I really want to focus on this one. It seems all the women really truly loved they guy - even after knowing the above ugly things about the guy. They must be doing something right. All the women wanted to marry and settle down with the guy. None of them claimed it was a casual relationship even if the guy just used the girl.

If I am not wrong, it is not uncommon in the west for people to meet new people and hit the sheets on by the 3rd date. Some guys will leave before the girl wakes up and will never call the girl again. Nobody seems to complain about that. Is the reason that girls just expect the indian guy to be faithful from the start? People break up all the time. Married people cheat on their spouses. (Just read the stories in the Affairs section). None of the women here claim that the guy cheated on them. The worst i heard was that they had a profile on a matrimonial website. (FYI most profiles are made by family members).

So, the real question is this : Are you all hurt so much because they eventually give in to family pressure and marry someone else? (even against their wishes) or you are hurt because they did not break up in the western way : cheat on you and leave one day and never call. Why is a bad relationship with an indian guy seen as any different that a bad relationship with any guy? Are you telling me that american men, english men (or any wester country) men do not betray girls? Or is the complaint just that Indian men betray in a certain way?

Disclaimer: I deeply empathize with all the women here. I found the acts of the boys cowardly and disgusting. Also, I am an Indian born living in USA.

I would like to clarify a few items about my situation:

My guy LIED about himself and presented a total facade about who he was, what he did, what he believed, and what he planned to do. I did NOT have knowledge about the ugly things about the guy; therefore, was not able to act on facts, but only on the deception he presented.
How is a relationship with an Indian guy seen as any different than any other race? An Indian guy can hide an immense amount of lies and deception behind the fact that he must keep the girl 'a secret' and claim it is because of his culture. I knew his culture made this relationship different, but when any man is telling you they want to be with you for the rest of their life and they love you, you don't assume that they are running off for a prearranged marriage. The whole time he SWORE this was not the case, and I even found out through his best friend that his dad would approve the marriage to an American. You know why he went? Money. The dowry. Yup. You can't say American do this to American women for the dowry.
Relationships break up for many different reasons all the time. But this man constantly threw his culture up in my face for the reasons that I had to be the big secret for 6 months, only to toss me aside like trash in the end. So why do you NOT think I would say this is culture related? If I went to his family and told them the whole story, showed them our pictures all happy together while he played me, who do you think they would believe? Me? No. Because I would just be seen as the seductress that caused him to wander. Not the woman who loved him and was devoted to him. Washed his clothes, fixed his meals, catered to his every whim while he lied to his parents that he was 'on the road' working.
Men betray women and women betray men. That's a fact. But Indians want to live here in America and show women even less respect than Americans do. And they can hide behind their 'culture' to do it. I guess THAT is my complaint. You're in America, act like an American then. At least I could have accepted being dumped or cheated on instead of betrayed for 6 months with lie after lie after lie.

Just thank god you only put up with it for 6 months- yes at least other folks are honest and upfront, if it is a problem to an indian then they should let you know on the first date that this is going to be a rocky ride from the start are you in??? Hell no!!!!

Oh gosh ! You really got a raw deal. I hope the rest of your life is much better. I just hope you understand that not all Indians are like this and passing judgement on one ethnic group is not a healthy practice. However, other readers should look at your example and be more careful when they are in a relationship with another person (indian or otherwise).

I know I'm quite late but I want to answer your question. I'm presently in love with an Indian guy, my good friend but we are not dating. I would never date him if he could not marry me. He feels the same way. I didn't meet him and say "he's Indian, he's the marrying type." I simply said he is the right guy for me at this moment in time. God forbid though if we had dated and fell in love? Then I wouldn't be able to marry him and instead watch him marry another girl? He would break up with me not because he doesn't love me, but because he isn't allowed to love me. That hurts worse than anything. Atleast with other guys, like American guys, there is a possibility to marry no matter how you met or your relationship. If you fall in love you can marry and be with the one you love. With some Indians, if you fall in love you automatically are screwed because he is "destined" for a younger girl who has never seen him cry and cheered him up, laughed together, watched scary movies together on the couch, know all about his family, cuddled with him on winter nights, helped him get through college, loved him, cooked for him, supported him. Where does my love go? To the dogs and she reeps the benefits just because she's..Indian. She's so superior..."rolls eyes". I'm sorry, for the girls on here who were so betrayed. I can't believe how evil those men were. We all deserve love that defies all odds.

u picked a wrong guy i would say, @gypsy0529

2 More Responses

This is an update to my prior post and a warning to those girls who think that Indian guys really love them...they don't. He was going to leave in a week to go to his sister's wedding in India, and he became more and more distant. He had ALWAYS vehemently told me that he would never get in a prearranged wedding, and how much he loved me, and would never betray me. I finally cornered him and asked him why he was becoming more distant, and what was on his mind, and he came up with some totally lame issues that turned out to be a way for him to start a breakup. Turns out, he had been lying to me all along, and he was going out to get selected by one of the three girls his parents had chosen for him for marriage. And did he have the guts to tell me this? NO. I found out from his friend when his friend heard what was happening. Six months of lies. Six months. He fooled ALL my friends and family. Every single one of them. He spent the holidays with us. Went to activities with us. And when all was said and done, and I ended it, I didn't even need to tell him why, he knew. Was he sorry? No. Did he have an emotional response? No. I was just a playtoy.
The one thing that keeps bouncing around in my and my friends and families mind, is how any human being can be so cruel to another. One of my friends said he deserves an Oscar for his performance. He went from acting like he truly loved and cared for me and mine, and wanted to be with me, to tossing me aside like trash with no care whatsoever. There was no reason for the deception. The betrayal. He could have been honest from the beginning, but instead he chose to use me for his selfish desires.
I loved the man I thought he was with all my heart and soul. He has crushed me. But if there is one thing I am thankful for, I will not be the naive wife that is latched to him forever. He will lie and cheat on her, treat her with no respect, use her, and she will be forced to tolerate it because that is her job. I pity her.
I have never been prejudice. But I will never trust or date an Indian again. If this is what the Indian Culture is about, then it's abusive. And I won't be used again. Girls, don't think you are the odd one out, and it will be different for you. That's what I thought and I was wrong. I'm begging you, please, end it before it begins and find someone who deserves all the love you have to offer.

u said \" He spent the holidays with us. Went to activities with us.\"
did u spend ur time with his family?

its all fault in u, i came thru all the story here all of it deals as secret relationship with the other mate, parents of him doesn\'t knows about ur relationship.
what should hav done is \" u must hav said ur relationship to his parents or mother, u should hav made them convienced for the relationship\"
if his family wants him to marry only a indian girl, they would hav said u that b4 and u could had a breakup with him avoiding all these depressions.
then u would hav got the result at the starting whether he loves u or not.

&gt;&gt;&gt; this is where everyone go wrong let your mates parents know ur relationship happening so then u can avoid these loss and depression so on&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;

I'd been in exactly the same situation except that my folks had no qualms of her being American (with French-Moroccan heritage). My girl took a little longer to adjust to the new surroundings & culture but we're quite happy today- the long distance phase lasted 3 years!

Though I will say that you're quite correct in your pessimistic approach- it keeps things real for you; I wish the best for you both.

though in my case an important factor that helped us see through the 3 long years was that she herself wanted to explore S.Asia even before I met her. I wouldn't have pursued her if she weren't flexible with the idea of living between New York &amp; New Delhi (I have two homes LOL)

I am an american dating an indian guy. The cultures are diff especially the views but we love eachother very much. Only issue is he wants me to live in india and i really dont want to so trying to figure that out---America would be a better place for us to live. And the reason why american marriages dont last long is cause either man or woman cheats or cant solve issues. There are many happy married couples in america whose marriages last a long time. But some marry a person for only looks

living in INDIA is hard , suituation can be controlled only if he is earning more than average...

hindu boys never like to sex with his gf before marry ok but if he try to sex with u before marry so it's means he want to sex wiht u and then he will leav e u ok understood dear, i am hindu too don't worry his parents will accept u

I am dating a Punjabi Sikh (I am white), and we are in a relationship at the moment. However, in a couple of hours we may not be. I have been very patient, and we had a long talk last night when I finally asked him why he was afraid to introduce me to his parents. He told me that he had to KNOW that I would never bring shame to the family or hurt them in anyway, and he just couldn't know that yet. I noted my understanding of how hard this was for him to say this to me, as he has always dodged this issue. But, when I asked him what kind of behavior he expected to see, or what I was doing wrong, there was nothing for him to say. I have changed my whole life around to be 'the secret' and while he knows all my friends and family, he won't introduce me to his. And he has no plans to at this point.
Today, I wrote him a letter expressing what my needs are to continue this relationship. It involves things like trust and compromise. Partnership and equality. And more than just the physical aspect of a relationship. I have started to believe that I am just a place holder until he finds the wife that his parents will approve of....a submissive puppy dog and worships him and has no self. It's funny. He's often told me how he likes that I'm independent and intelligent and strong. Yet these are the same things that I use as wisdom in our little tiffs, and he tells me I am making mountains out of molehills to dismiss the situation.
As you are young, you have time to hang in there if you wish. But please think about much time are you prepared to invest only to be the throw away. Only your heart can tell you the truth, and you do know it already. I have thrown all the cards on the table in my letter, and he has choices to make. I have already made my decision to stand my ground. He will either respect me as a potential wife, daughter in law, and member of his community, or I am turning away. I know my self worth, and every moment that I choose to spend it groveling for my love's attention is a waste of my life. Right now both your boyfriend and my boyfriend have their cake and eat it too while we cry ourselves to sleep. Is that real love? I'm sure if you think about it, you have family and friends that treat you better.
I wish you peace.

So agree and have the Tshirt.

If they can not introduce you to the world as your girlfriend in a reasonable amount of time 6 months- what chance is their that they will be proud of you as their wife and what about your children.

I dated a guy for 4 years with only meeting a cousin. I was 18 at the time as so young , inexperienced and nieve. I wish people had advised me to get out and quick.

I became pregnant-left him to years later and for the next 15 years had him begging me to come back or being nasty. He finally told his family but by then I lost respect for him and found a lovely strong replacement . My advice is to ask questions from the outset will your family mind, when will you introduce me to your family, and take me to events or am I just your secret girlfriend with benefits- you are worth more.

I wou

Every Indian guy or girl who has migrated to western countries is fighting a personal war to decide on which side of the line they are - their traditional Indian culture or the culture of their adopted country. Being an Indian, I have a first row view of this fight. You are bought up in a certain culture and when you become independent and migrate to a western country, you see a world or a culture which is completely opposite to what you have experienced back home. The values, the beliefs, even the way of thinking and speaking (being direct and strong) are all completely alien. At this point, people can say that its same for every other person who migrate. But then you have to experience the Indian culture first hand to find why we have to go through what I call a living hell...

I like this Aussie girl. Saw for the first time a girl who is calm, quiet, soft spoken and a deep thinker if I may add to the long list. Completely different from other girls. A smile to die for! Broke the ice a few weeks before and now I find reasons to talk to her, obviously, without other co-workers noticing. Most of the time I spend trying to catch a glimpse of her. Don't know if she has a boyfriend but I know for a fact that its next to impossible for me to make a strong case about this girl to my parents specially my mother. The first question: Is she Indian? The second: Is she a practising Catholic? The third is generally a statement: "She would leave you when the time gets tough". At this point I wonder what is the real reason. After a bit of soul searching and a number of questions, I have this rather interesting hypothesis. People back home, especially parents, they live in a starkly realist world with innumerable tales of experiences, following tried and tested paths with a strong influence of religion. Not ready at all to take a risk, a chance, a hope that maybe.... maybe that relationship may survive the turmoil of clashes between different cultures, not to mention about the peace time domestic battles! To be fair to them, with more than fifty percent divorce rate and young people refusing to be under or part of the so called archaic institution of marriage, there isn't much to counter the argument. In short, a clash between easy going and experimenting West and following tried and tested paths of East.

Personally, I always find a person from a different culture to be rather interesting. There is always something interesting to talk about. At the same time, I have noticed that there is always this strong clash of opinion about certain things like a lifestyle choice or values. All hell breaks loose when either one of them start judging the other culture viz a viz their culture. Sometimes, changing the topic is the best path to follow :)

Coming back to the main theme, Finally, I gave in yesterday, told my parents to look for a girl and my willingness to have an arranged marriage. Couldn't fight the fear and insecurity emanating from the above mentioned "statement" and couldn't take the risk of having the hope that everything will be alright. Frankly, there are too many loose ends and many cannot be tied at all, atleast not in a sanely way. Maybe, in my heart I am a realist too and want to follow the tried and tested path. BUT come what may, I will never forget that beautiful smile! That's a short obituary to my still-born relationship!

Now for the girls asking about Indian guys not committing or not allowing you to meet their parents or saying general statements like "my parents will accept anybody that I take home to my parents", I in my limited knowledge and experience have this to say: You are travelling a slippery path and living a Disney life where you think that in the end everything will be fine and not to mention - happly lived ever after! (Heart-felt apologies for awaking you from your dreams). 95% of these relationship will have a miserable end and a lot of un-answered questions. I am thinking of raising that %age to 97%. For the rest 5%, first the cautionary message: Are you sure the real reason for having your relationship is love? If yes, then Good Luck! Have a beautiful and interesting journey together. If No, then mate, you know what to do.

Please don't call me sadist and/or pessimist. If you want to call me anything, then call me a realist. Even I am starting to believe that word. I wonder, what happened to eternal romantic.....

My boyfriend is Indian also, and I am not. I have been fascinated with the people and culture of India for as long as I can remember. I wasnt looking for any boyfriend, let alone an Indian one when I met him, but he persued me, and for weeks I would ignore him. I was shy at first. He just wouldnt stop persuing me, so I decided what the heck, I will give this guy a chance. And, I am so glad I did. We have been together for almost half a year now, and our life together has been nothing but sheer bliss. He completes me.

i was gonna ask a white girl out, but WTF! so ashamed of what my brothers have done Backward Cowards, i'd b thinking abt theses stories and feelings for a long time........ man its gud that i checked this site out, mayb the girl i want would have these thoughts?
but i've freaked my brain out now. i play wif girls but respect them equally and i won't b able to close my eyes with if my deeds leads to 1 of these stories!

I am so sorry about what u ladies had to go through :'(

Am from maryland,USA ..35 Years male...loking women for secrect relation Asian origin from Nepal..
Am good loking handsome mail address is.....bpknet@yahoo .com..

I need help pls any one help me.!! This is killing me... I was asked to go out with an (west)Indian guy who has never been on a date or relationship before. I accepted to "get to know him" as he calls it, which for me is dating. (I come from a Mexican culture) we've been ging out for like a week but we've worked together for abt 5 months. The thing is that I have kept a secret away from him and i know I have to tell him but I am scared I his reaction to it. " I have a son and no one at work knows abt it" the season I lied abt my son was to get the job and when I finally got it the situation came out of my hands and now I don't dare to say the truth. Seem like the guy wants something serious but I am afraid of telling him the truth and to never see him again. I can also lose my job. Can anybody help me pls!! Will he accept me and my baby?

Hey just read your post and would like to add my experience!I met my indian bf in a takeway in scotland and have dated for four years! He had to move to spain and leave the uk after four months of dating and totally smitten the both of us! I was heart broken when he left for spain and after a year of ringing decided i was moving over (with my kids) My kids love him and are of my previous relationship and moved to spain to be with him and gave my kids a life in spain for a year:) They enjoyed it and setteled well and the culture was refreshing :) I decided to move back as i couldnt find work and the kids were home sick and my bf was left in spain without us but i had to think of my kids needs first :) We have been going over for holidays a few times (me & kids) to sunny spain and see my love but saying goodbie is always hard :( This is four years later and he finally got entry clearence in spain so is currently in india seeing his family then he will go back to spain.a for his family well they have welcomed me and my kids in there family ,his mother has also bought me lovely indian dresses and bought me a ring and i have meals with his family in spain so i guess its down to the man himself if he loves you or not on what they do reguarding religon ect! i would love any help or advise on how to get my partner to settle with me and kids in uk???? i work full time and im a single mother and i have been 100% loyal to my partner and its not fair how we cant be together and there are so many fakers around ! plz plz help lol :) xxx

Hi I have an indian bf and whenever I ask him have you told your parents about me he says no. but says oh they will love and accept anyone i bring home. and he always comes up with excuse why he cant tell them right now. he wants his family to be ready and accepts of me. but he has meet my family and they accept him. he wants to bring his family to the us after we get married and have them live with us..

I'm in the same situation, he is the most wonderful Guy .he also told me being together its impossible, but at the same time we get jealous when we try to move away from each other. his family choose a girl from him he only have to accept and every morning before I go to work ( we work together) I sayd to my self its impossible I'm scare and heart broken just wishing he says no to her :-( but at the same time I'm trying to learn Hindi I can communicate with his parents day if he said no to the Indian girls :-(

At least your guy was upfront about it. It pains me to see this pattern again and again. Somehow Indian guys feel they cannot get laid without winning the heart of a girl. What they do not realize is that they hurt people in the process. If they just want to sleep around they should just go to a club or something. There are many girls who would go home drunk with them. No need to play with anyone's feelings.

Reading most of these posts frustrate me. One thing no one stops to think about despite being in Canada, America etc... They are born and raised with completely different cultures than we are. If you are not willing to accept that, then date only within your own race. Yes, I understand that they have emigrated or even are born here. But they are still raised as their parents were raised, just like we have been raised as our parents have. They have been raised to respect their family and not to say that we aren't respectful to our families, but generally us white people have been raised to be headstrong and do ultimately what we like. That being said, yes there are some of them that are willing to take the plunge and introduce you to their families. I have dated a few Indian men over the past couple of years and have learned a lot from them. There are some that are more than willing to introduce you to their families and there are ones that refuse. It all depends on the person. You cannot hate a race because of a bad experience. If the guy says it'll never work between you, then you're the stupid one to hang on and hope because it won't work. No matter how much you love him or how amazing he is. <br />
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I had met the entire immediate family of the one guy I was seeing. (Things didn't work out for other reasons than him not wanting to be with me, that's a whole other story on its own) We had talked about marriage and spending the rest of our lives together. There are Indian men that are willing to marry outside of their culture and race. You just have to find the right one. And like with all relationships -- communication is the key. <br />
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Currently I'm seeing another amazing Indian man and things are going well for us. I will never be with any other man than my desi boy.

l am dating an indian as well and fortunately my bf's mum and his sister accept me. Everything would be fine as long as your bf decides to stay outside india, like somewhere western. Girls, stop questioning yourself as well as your bf. Trust your relationship.

im in a similar situation and so helpless! I am 23 years old and white living in London. I met my boyfriend at work in the office he is 26 now and originally from India ( Buddhist) and lives with his grandmother and now his mom too in one house. <br />
We are officially 1 and a half years together. I love him to bits and he says he does so too! He promised me he will introduce me to his family this year in September (which is for me a looong time waiting). I d love to be part of his life but feel like he s leaving me out! <br />
I dont know what to do here. Even today I told him: look, I'm lying the cards on the table I want you and you should stand to me. I want to see some actions now!<br />
He just gets angry a lot! I feel sometimes that he just longs things out and ends up anyway with a nice shy indian wife and not me. I dont know what to do. I cant wait any longer probably waiting my time!

I'm married to an Indian man and marriage for them is complicated. The are used to the caste system so this may be new to his family. In sure his family and friends are always looking for someone he can marry. He should get pressures from that. His Family may also not understand your culture and might feel like their son my not get treated well. There are so many mixed feelings. It's something you have to learn to live with. I can say he's probably right that they will accept you but it takes some time. If your not sure what his intentions are now is the time to find out.

I wish you all the best... I guess I'm on the other side of the fence being an American male who is falling in love with a female of Punjab roots. We have a connection I've never felt with anyone and after sharing our feelings with each other, she told me that "us" was impossible. I'm torn because part of what makes her her is the image of culture, family, and tradition. I don't want her to go against what her family believes, but I so want her to follow her heart. She is preparing herself to marry any Indian male that fits the criteria of her family and learning to fall in love with this man. I am convinced after much reading that yes, she can marry and be happy. But I question if it's the greatest love she could ever experience - which she so deserves. <br />
<br />
We've tried to move on from each other but we're much beyond being just friends. She will be turning 29 soon and is feeling the pressure to be married like many of her Indian friends. Just thinking about her settling without letting her heart choose literally is bringing tears to my eyes right now. I keep hope that it'll work out, but even in the preceding readings, I feel like we're all part of a Shakespearean tragedy in which love is not always enough. We must somehow find peace that the love shared was true and beautiful beyond any fairy tale romance.

I say stay with him until he gives you proof that you should leave him. I am in love with this indian guy and he claims to be in love with me too, but he won't even date me because he is afraid that others will see and news will travel to his family. It has been 3 years since we told each other we liked each other. Throughout the 3 years we have gone through a lot of fights and arguments about whether he even loves me. You should be glad your man is willing to fight or at least stand up to his parents and tell them you exist. I get the same feeling as you, that my guy is using me...because we aren't dating, and he has already very straight-forwardly said to my face that we have no future together so he doesn't want to even start...yet he holds my hand and we do couple-like things. All I can do is hope that he is genuine to me for the remaining time I have with him. However, my heart breaks everyday when I wake up...knowing very well that today may be the day he finds an indian girl he is willing to marry. I am very jealous of you. I wish that my guy would even give us a chance...and that he was willing to fight for me. What confuses me the most is that, if the indian parents are so strict on who their offspring marry, shouldn't they stay in their own country where everyone is the same race and majority is the same religion? I live in Canada, and if one immigrates to a multicultural country, one can only expect their children to fall in love with someone of a different cultural background. Like all races in this world, indians also have felt the hurt of racism...but this inability to accept another race into their family is a mild form of racism. I wish everyone could just look past the skin of another person and live at peace with each other.

Dating my indian boyfriend for over a year now I can tell you, its not a simple matter at all with the families, most families will absolutely not accept outsiders and it takes a very long time to convince them, if that even happens, but don't give up, give it time, let him come to you before jumping into conclusions, its not always what it seems, his family i'll bet is questioning alot, and he has alot to answer to them, I have not been known to my boyfriends family yet, but I come from a very similar culture so I understand it completely, if there is any other questions you may have, feel free to ask.

Ok here is my Positive story which happened in my family. My Uncle(son of my mother's aunt) who is just 3 year elder to me, lives and works in US and a green card holder. We belong to the traditional Brahmin(priests) family, which is considered as the most orthodox of all the Hindu communities. My Uncle eloped with his American(White) G.F. at that time some few years back, he cut off from his mother and family. Then his brother contacted and found out the reasons, soo my uncles siblings and cousins started talking to my Uncle's G.F. My mother was under a shock and one night said to me, "may be one day you are also going to follow the footsteps of your uncle? We are preparing our mind for this kind of an event, since you are delaying your wedding by going to Korea for a PhD, so are you bringing in a Korean wife or Western wife?" And she chuckled, an indication that all at the family have accepted my Uncle's G.f. as their daughter-in-law. And thats it, in a few months time I got an American Aunty! :P

But you guys prefer indian girls.,,, and I bet you dont like filipino women...
I personally have an online bestfriend.... he is indian. And im a filipino....unfortunately, I fell in love with him.. it sounds weird eh... and to no luck, he didnt even love me. For him, I am just his close friend. He doesn't even talked to me when his roommate is around. And I bet, his parents wanted an indian girl for him.... besides, who else wanna accept a single mom??? I petied myself so much.i tied myself to him that I cant untangle it.
He was also taking his phd in SK lol...I wish I will have the opportunity to meet him

I am an American woman who met a man from India. Two days after I met him, I left him and flew home to the US. We wrote to each othr for one year. He invited me to meet his family soji flew to India but the plane was delayed and when I arrived every one was sleeping I decided to go to the nearest hotel and stay alone for the night. The next day he told me to get on the local bus and we ended up in another city and he checked into a hotel. I told him I will not stay in the same room with him until we were married. We got married and then he told me he only married me for the visa. I was so angry I threw all of his clothes and belongings out the window and filed a police report. Now, he was arrested because he had another wife a d was deported back to I dia. He will never get out

I also am a woman involved with a younger indian man. I am starting too feel the frustration of being kept in the dark. He proclaims his love for me and has told me that his happiness lays with me. We have been dating for almost 18 months. We are so compatiable in so many areas. He has told me he wont be returning to India to marry. Of course i love him dearly and i do believe he loves me also but...I get the feeling that he will choose hes families happiness over his own. As well as that. I also have children and i am divorced. Im not completely sure if he wants me for a future wife or life long partner. I think the idea of an instant family would be overwhelming for any man. My only hope is he doesnt use his family as an excuse to end the relationship as opposed to just telling me he wants out. I have a date in my head as to how far i will let our relationship go before i ask him what it is he wants. The issue has been raised before. Only on 1 occasion. We agreed that we would work towards a resolution toge ther after many a tear had been shed between the both of us. Its such a shame we cant just love one another regardless of religion or race or culture. If we cant make a commitment by the 2 year mark, then i guess that will be my answer. I would never ask him to choose me...he adores his family and i know how very much they mean to him. But however...I cant be waiting for something that may never be and then run the risk of being told one day after i have invested so much more of my love and time into a relationship that has no future potential. As i said...its such a shame as we are really happy together. I cant even begin to tell you the sadness i feel. Im a good person and i never realised how much predjudice there was against me being western as i am not in any way shape or form predjudice myself. My heart is really heavy at the moment. I feel for each and every one of you. I only hope for the very best for all of you in this position. Take good care people. xxx

I don't understand why we even let ourselves fall in love with these guys in the first place? It's ridiculous how many secrets and lies are a part of these American-Indian relationships. I'm an American and have been dating an Indian guy for a year and a half. I had dated an Indian (american born) previously and after being told by him that there was no future with us because of his parents, I swore off Indian men. Well I met this one and I told him my concerns upfront and that I was looking for a long-term relationship, so if there was no chance of marriage between us, I didn't want to pursue this. He assured me that he was able to marry whomever he wanted and that he didn't believe in arranged marriages.<br />
I was understanding of the fact that he couldn't tell his family or friends for awhile, but it sure chips away at you. It's hard being a secret and the fact that he lies to his parents every day about this makes me see how good he is at lying. I'm sure he lies to me all the time.... A few months into our relationship, I found out that he has a profile on one of those matrimony sites. (I bet most of your boyfriends are on there!) How can you be with one person and on the search for marriage and not consider that cheating? I approached him and he said his parents set it up and he has no control. I asked him to ask them to take it down, because it's so hurtful, but nothing has happened and it's still up and I know he checks it regularly. <br />
I also saw a text from a potential match asking when they could video chat. I don't know how much more of this I can take and when he's going to realize how much he is hurting me. Do you all agree with me that this is cheating? What should I do?

I do not know how to comment on your story without using abusive language for him. :(

I've never added my story to these type of sites, but I think I am finally ready to tell my story. My now ex-husband (married for six years) was from a neighboring country of India and is Hindu. He and I met when we were very young and he was a foreign student here in America. We met, dated, and got married very quickly. I'd never thought I could love someone the way I loved him and have desperately struggled to get over our failed relationship. After marraige, I always wondered why he didn't ever have me speak to his family. Around a year after we were married and due to a family tragedy, I came to know that his family knew nothing about me. However, he began having me contact his family, but I knew I was never going to be accepted because they just didn't seem interested in me. When I was pregnant with our oldest child, the first string of family members moved to America and into our home. It was uncomfortable, but I was willing to do whatever because I loved my husband and wanted our family to work. Very quickly, his behavior started to change and his parents began to control more and more of our lives. We were responsible for supporting them and pretty much all they did was hate everything about us and believe me, no matter what I did, I couldn't please them, but God as my witness, I tried. The next string of family that moved in came when I was pregnant with our second child. At this point, I had five of my husband's family members living with us permanently. In fact, it was his entire original (born into, not the one he made with me) immediate family. Very soon after the birth of our second child and my ex-husand receiving his citizenship, I was asked to leave the family. It has been over two years since our divorce. His family still lives with him and I am heart broken over the fact that our children will be raised in a broken home. His family is overjoyed that he can now find the South Asian girl of their dreams. Many have told me that the green card was the reason for our relationship from the start. Honestly, I couldn't even tell you where the lies began with him or where they would ever end. All I know is this, you won't listen to me anyways. However, if you would, please consider the shame I have in posting this story. I was once you. I was once the proud girl who said he loved me, he told his family about me, we are married, we bought a house, we had kids together, etc. Now I am the girl who wishes she would've listened to the many different people who tried to help me avoid this disaster. I have two beautiful children who plead for their mother and father to be together, but he either had no intention of staying with me for forever from the beginning or doesn't love the family we made together enough to stand up to the family he was born into. I'm sure it is an impossible position for him if the latter is true. However, I could really care less at this point because it is not he or I that pay the price for this, it is our children. It must also be considered that HE knew his parents and his culture before he made these decisions with me. HE approached me. HE chose to have children with me. HE made the choice to include me and if he knew it was never really an option, HE had no business doing it in the first place and especially not having children with me. American (Non-Indian girls), listen to me: There is a ridiculously small chance that you will ever be accepted by your guy's family and most of the time it will simply be for what your status in this country has to offer the family as a whole. You will, at best, be viewed as a means to an end or as a person serving a purpose. I know there are rare stories where this isn't the case, but let's be honest here people.... they are VERY RARE! Girls, these men are beautiful, but leave them alone! As much as I wish they did, our cultures just do not mix and it is on a level much deeper than simply parents not particularly liking white or American girls. I'm telling you, no matter how many levels of commitment you think you have with a South Asian man, it will NEVER trump family and no, that is not the family that he makes with you, that is the family he was born into originally. If I can save one innocent child from being born into a mess like mine are in or one girl from having her heart ripped to pieces than it is worth the embarassment to share this story. I never thought this would be me. I am educated, attractive, from a good family, make good money, met him in my community, am around the same age as my ex-spouse, waited to have kids until after the green card was permanent. . . I'm telling you, I did everything I could to ensure my marraige was FOR REAL and it simply wasn't. Save yourself the trouble and realize that even if you fall in the .005% of relationships where it could really work, it will be an uphill battle FOREVER! But, in all honesty, no one will probably listen, so to that I will say: I wish you the best of luck, I truly do. I hope your future is nothing like what mine ended up being. I hope and pray that you don't have to experience the pain of not being accepted in your own country, or your own home, for that matter. AND, lastly, when it doesn't work, don't blame yourself. You had the confidence to think that you were special and different from all the girls before you in similar situations and you will need that confidence to carry you on beyond the end of your relationship. It sounds bitter, but it isn't. It is a certain level of realism that is achieved only after spending six years together and 2 years divorced and trying to coparent children with a South Asian man. And for the record, no I am not looking for another relationship, so any of you guys on here that think I might "really be able to understand and have a great relationship with you," the answer is NO! Don't even bother.

I am sorry by hearing this story. But such Indian family is one of the worst I ever saw. I am indian and I can think this is very rare case.

Here I see Husband's parents were also involved to break the relationship and the whole familys motto was green card and not values. Such cases really made our culture shame and bad.

I am Indian boy, and I dated american girl. When I saw my parents was not interested I immediately informed her and we got separated( Although my mind tried to form illicit relationship, but my ethics stopped, even girl also showed her values). I am still single , I badly miss her even after 6 months, but If I cant commit I dont have right to seek .

Hi,<br />
<br />
I have just been through this with an Iranian man. I am British. I wish I had never met him, he swept me off my feet, was a wonderful friend and suddenly... gone. The family. Need I say more? I know he is hurting, I know I am hurting..and it seems so absurd to me to have found such a wonderful caring man, and because he has to be the "perfect" son, he is abiding by their harsh rules for him. I am now in therapy and am broken. I've no idea how he is.<br />
<br />
Be very careful. I wish all people thought "one world" but sadly, they don't. And the poor sons and daughters it affects too, they can't have what they want. Funnily enough, a hindu chap has shown an interest in me now *sigh*

Hi, I am a very well educated Indian woman married to an Indian guy. We met each other in New York city, dated for sometime and then he proposed. I was surprised at first but then i thought maybr he still carries Old romantic values with him so he confessed his love and proposed to me. We are also different religions, so our wedding was far from arranged marriage. But I later found out that he had an American girl friend for over a year. I don't have a problem with having girlfriends or interracial dating as such. Happens all the time here in NYC. But he lied to me that he just casually dated her for couple months and then called it off. But one of his friends unknowingly told me how long they dated and I investigated his emails. He did date her for a year and broke it off because his parents wouldnt accept a non Indian girl. Aparently she really loved him according to him. What heartache that girl must have gone thru!! I feel so bad for her, but I feel even more bad for myself because he met me after 2 months of breaking off with her, and proposed me within a month of knowing me. So what does that make me? I thought he really loved me but now I don't know. I don't know if I love my husband after thinking about this over and over again :(

Im in a relationship with a punjabi guy. I love him very much like Ive never loved any other man before. Ive had 2 boyfriends previous to him and I never felt anything like the way I feel for my boyfriend. We are still together but its very painful because it is a long distance relationship. He lives in Toronto and I live in New York about 5 hours away and due to my work schedule I only get to see him about once a month. I agree with the "keeping things from his family" that it is true in many cases. My guy introduced me to his cousin and his sister from India whom I spoke over the phone but I have never met his parents. He says I will meet them and that his mom will be ok with us but his dad is more strict. I try not to push him too much but it is very frustrating. I cant imagine breaking up with him because I really love him and wish to spend the rest of my life with him. I just hope he finds the courage to talk to his family. I was warned by people before I started this relationship but something drew me to him and now Im very attached to him. <br />
<br />
To all Indian guys out there that fall for girls from a different culture: Please dont play with people's feelings!! You cant imagine how painful it is to want to be part of your life and you to keep us as a secret just makes us feel really low and heart broken. If you dont think it will ever work out, please dont be selfish and do not make someone fall in love to later break her heart and cause so much pain. <br />
<br />
To all Indian Moms, Dads and aunties...please remember that you sons are human and we are human...its not like we are pairing a dog and a horse here. Yes we might have a difference in culture and language but if we really love your son we will adapt and hope to be part of your family. All we need is a little support. If the woman your son loves is a good person with a good heart, why not give her a chance to get to know her? It will save you from having your son resenting you for the rest of your lives and having a unhappy life with a woman they do not love. Yes they will pretend to be happy in front of you but its all in the surface. Deep down it will hurt them deeply to not be able to be with the one they truly love.

HI, I am also another Indian guy and i just want to tell one thing to all American women. Indian guy are crazy about American women and that wil be only for fun and show up to friends. only 10% of the people will really fall in love and there are less chances that there family will aprove it. and if any young Indian male saying that he loves married or divorced or women with child, dont ever belive it and spoil your future and carrier with him. It is just only time pass to him untill he get a girl from his religion. and also if any Indian guy has some good wealth back in India on his parents name, he will never go against to his parents wish for sure. So, if you want to really test his love ask him to marry in America and inform to his parents later when ever he feel comfortable, then you will get the real answers from him.

Hi my name is Maya....i am 24 years old, muslim...reading these stories makes me realize i am not alone in this situation.<br />
<br />
I met a indian boy, handsome around 6 months ago. Instantly we had some kinda connection, he asked me out and i made it clear to him that it will just be for fun but after a month of dating he said he is falling for me and asked me to be his gf.....after few days i was like ok....time we spent together was magical.....he gave me a promise ring then on feb 10 he went down on his knee and purposed and ask to marry him.....i couldnt believe my self i was completly shocked and suprised.......he only told his sister about us dating anywayz then one day his sister was like iff u guyz r serious then he should tell his parents......he took me home told his parents and they were completly against this, the were there is no way they will accept me as i am muslim.......we were both heartbroken, he held me for hours saying he loves me to death he will never leave me no matter what happens<br />
Anywayz a week later i found out i am pregnant and i tried to contact him....da 6 months we were together there was not even one signle day we didnt talk or see each other......but when i tried to contact him after the meeting with his parents he was just ignoring my calls , texts, fb msg' i went to his place he wasnt home, his parents told me to come inside and after going in i told them that i know you guyz r not ok with our relationship but the matter has gone a bit too far " i am pregnant "<br />
the were quiet at first then his mom was like well it is ur fault u r a girl and should think before taking step. i was like i know but its not like i slept with a random guy he is my fiance and we r in love and it take 2 to make a baby.....then after a 1 min of silence he walked in and asked me what am i doing here and i told him well i am here to tell him and his parents tht i am pregnant......thats it it has been 3 months i am almost 12 weeks pregnant and i have not heard nothing from him nothing.....i know he is here but i tried to contact him he is not returnng my calls texts......i miss him alot. he was so caring when we were together now when i need him da most he is not with me.....i just want him to talk to talk to me about his view regarding this situation....please help what should i do ?

I've read lots of these stories of relationships not working out between Indian men and white women or women from other countries, but my boyfriend who is 26 and Indian says he has seen many Indian/white couples around Mumbai. We have been together a year, met working in the cruise industry and this year I am taking my vacation to Mumbai to be with him. He has made it perfectly clear that he wants me to stay and has even suggested we get married after a few months living together. Of course he wants to settle in India, which I am very open to. He has rejected his parents attempts to arrange a marriage for him several times and has told them he will not marry someone they pick for him. He is middle class, Hindu and somewhat westernized. He says his parents are not super religious and definitely not traditional. It is just his parents, him and a younger brother living together in a flat. <br />
<br />
I asked him if he will tell his parents about me while I'm there and he said he will let things settle for a while before telling them. They didn't like that he was working for the cruiseline, but he has decided not to go back so that will make them happy. He says their biggest concern will be how we can surrive (how he will be able to support himself and me and starting a family), so he wants to have a solid plan before telling them. Other than that he says his parents are very cool and trust his judgement and go with what he wants. He has already set up living arrangements for us in Mumbai, so I have no reason to doubt him or his ability to make plans. He has never given me any reason to doubt him. <br />
<br />
I don't really think I'm being naive....I'm 29, well educated and middle class myself. In fact I think I've actually faced more opposition to the relationship from my own family than I think I will face from his ba<x>sed on what he has told me. In fact I think I will make a good impression on his parents as many Indians have told me that I remind them of good Indian girls by the way I act and behave..that I don't live up to the impressions they have of American girls.<br />
<br />
Just wondering really if there are any success stories out there...especially concerning more non-traditional, modern type families.

I am an Indian girl and I think your bf is very courageous to have told his parents about you. Of course they will be sad and upset but that's how Indian parents are. He did his part of the responsibility and he told them despite knowing how they will react. I think he's trustworthy. :)

I am ethnically, Indian & Bangladeshi, but born an American. I'll give my insight, and I would like to clarify, I do not believe the things I am telling you necessarily, but rather explaining how Indians can be (and often are).<br />
<br />
*First of all, everyone should watch the movie, "He's Just Not that Into You" (so you have an idea if you are EVER being used). <br />
*It makes a difference if the guy is born in India, or raised or born in the US (or other country). Be careful not to get used, especially if the guy does not have American citizenship and wants to marry you (I have heard disparaging stories before =/ .<br />
<br />
Indian Parents:<br />
Indians value family and culture. Many families, especially those with traditional tendencies, are skeptical of American culture and believe there is a general lack of seriousness with relationships. <br />
(Example: Divorce is taboo in Indian culture. Many times in arranged/ or "assisted" marriages , even when things don't work out best for the couple, they avoid divorce... among several reasons, the main one is for the children's sake. Imagine how children feel being cast about with no sense of belonging somewhere, and without 1 father, and 1 mother. Because American culture is more open to the possibility of divorce if a relationship doesn't work or is emotionally abusive (I am speaking for myself as an American born here), often Indian girls with traditional tendencies are sought by these parents.)<br />
<br />
*Other parents are very open and accepting, depends on the family.<br />
<br />
*Keeping a relationship secret from anyone is a bad idea. I would say, as long as friends and acquaintances know, after the relationship is serious, it should be ok. <br />
<br />
*Many Indian guys have egos (speaking from experience). There are those that will date non-Indian girls. It is terrible to say, but they know Indian girls are less likely to give up their virginity. Thus some knowingly date other girls just to fool around, though they want to marry someone their parents approve of in the end. (My Indian guy friends have told me, they think American women are easier - so I just want to warn all women out there!). <br />
<br />
*Personally I wouldn't have a physical relationship, or fornicate unless:<br />
1. I had dated him for a year (and knew he liked me and that his friends & family knew I existed at least)<br />
2. we planned on getting married/ I was engaged<br />
<br />
It is in the girl's best interest NOT to marry an Indian guys who's parents don't approve in my opinion:<br />
As a culture, Indians value their family and pride themselves for supporting one another. However, if a family member doesn't approve of their child's significant other, the child may never here the end of it and be made to feel like they betrayed their parent's wishes (I believe there is a "super nagging gene" passed down that enables parents to nag ...eternally pretty much). Eventually, the child may be resentful for not making their parents happy, and it could negatively impact the relationship of the way he/she treats a significant other. <br />
<br />
On the other hand...:<br />
Parents sometimes come around after the grandchildren are born. <br />
<br />
Tips: (proven!)<br />
-Even if you're not Indian, you can gain acceptance by:<br />
*Being very respectful and interested in making the guy's family feel welcome & cared about. Be interested in learning about their traditions, their past, learning the dialect, going to gathers and trying in Indian clothes. <br />
- you are reassuring parents that their grandchildren won't be deprived of a culture that they worked so hard to preserve while immigrating to a new country. <br />
<br />
Hope this helps somewhat, though I know it's not everything someone wants to hear.

Hi dear... my experience with my indian boyfriend is slightly different and so i would like to put a point accross that in some cases, even if the family is ok, i feel indian boys would eventually be drawn back to their own culture....<br />
<br />
So i m 29 years old, i m european and have been with my indian boyfriend since 2007. We met in the UK and lived as a couple for over 3 years, fully in love. When we met he said how liberal he was, Hindu but not crazy religous and that as an only son, loved his family very much. He had a very open relationship with his mother and his family knew of me from the start and everyone was happy he was in a loving relationship. In that time everyone knew how much i had supported him....<br />
<br />
After our studies in 2010 we decided to move to our own countries for few months before settling in India and looking how to live as a couple there. Due to work and trying to collect money for this purpose we struggled with a long distance for a year, both we were both visiting each other every 4-6 months (had to work also and arrange visas) for a month or so at the time. We discussed that getting married would allow us to again live together and finally in the summer of 2011 he proposed to marry me. I was so excited!!! This would also be our chance to live together in the same country! I had met his family, i was visiting india for 3 years, me and his mother had a special relationship with me and his friends liked me! His dad liked me too and my family was also keen on him!!! Perfect!! <br />
<br />
So I accepted the proposal and we agreed to marry in India 3 months later. He then left back to India for work and I stayed back to make the plan for moving in India! You would think at this point that this relationship was a breakthrough!!! I had also heard the stories of girls falling for indian men and being rejected... but I thought i was different, or so it showed! <br />
<br />
A month after the marriage proposal, I found out I was pregnant with his child, a beautiful little girl! I felt in me everything was happening for a reason and decided to keep the baby, and was hoping he would consider starting a family since he apparently saw our relationship as serious (we are on the same age and knew he didnt want kids right away, but we did plan to get married and I was supposed to be moving to the other side of the world...!!) <br />
Long story short he said to me 4 months later that he was not ready for anything like this and took back the marriage proposal to me till the baby arrived at least... but that he would still be on my side. We started breaking apart in this time and some time ago i found out he is also dating a nice indian girl.... I m now 9 monthls along and the baby comes anytime, in few days he will be visiting with his mother but dont think he plans on playing dad.... He says now he was not ready and I knew it but from my side it took little too long to make it clear to me!!! :( <br />
<br />
It really makes you wonder if the fact that i was not a nice indian girl made it easier for him to just not take on to his responsibilities and promise to me, at the end.... <br />
I still do not feel his family was a problem, but him being from a good social level as well, maybe meant that being with an indian woman gave him more status there. <br />
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I m still trying to figure it out but I do believe that because I was not Indian, he could hurt me and it would be ok - as I am not even too close to bother him.... or take any role in parenting our daughter... I now personally think that at the end, he didnt like the idea of a mixed family himself, even with the family being positive about it... Maybe he had not even realized, until he went back to India...<br />
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I hope noone else has a similar ending to my story... <br />
As for my advice to you, I really hope you also get a chance to prove your bf's family that you are worth it!! I have met many people in India and not everyone is close minded... so maybe you get lucky! But for yourself, please make sure that your relationship is settled on very solid grounds before any major decisions. It seems to me, you have to be double as carefull when you are with an Indian boy.... Somehow they mostly end up to their own local roots.... Loads of luck to you x

I really am sorry. You seem a lovely person and didn't deserve this. If he had a daughter with you, the least he would do is marry you since you were both close. Looks like he is a wimp. Maybe we can be friends ?

OMG I am so sorry. I guess I have a lot of things to think about and to consider in this relationship...I do love him very very much.

I am an Indian guy in love with an American woman so I find all your stories very interesting. I feel she loves me even more. My case is though the most craziest and the most exciting and the most loving relationship I have ever had or have seen in others too. Known her 10 years online and met her for 7 days last year and I don't even know where to start. I saved her from being forced to be taken to Brazil by advising her online and also my love might have saved her life once. That's what her aunt told me.<br />

I know a similar case as yours. I added you on if its okay with you.<br />
Thanks. We can message each other.

It's makes me cry to read these comments from other women. I've been with my Indian boyfriend for almost 4 years in June. I met him at work and we were just friends but after 8 months started dating. He was always so excited about all of the things we would do like it was a new world to him. It was all he ever did was go to work, school, and then straight home. He also works for his father. Going out was difficult at first and my parents were against it because of the culture differences. He was always so shy in the beginning. We are 3 years apart and I'm older than him. I've met his mother three times. The first time I met everyone except his father was on Christmas day, we went to go see a bollywood movie and I came looking presentable. Presentable for indian standards I guess, I never dressed trashy but I didn't want to disappoint anyone. We watched the movie during intermission I had a conversation with his sister and the mother listened as her English was limited, but I tried. I even decided to learn Hindi just to make our relationship with his family easier. I was invited to his house a few times (without the dad) and always brought a gift and was polite and spoke limited Hindi (i'm puerto rican and my Spanish is sadly limited, yet I'm trying to learn Hindi to help our relationship). His father found out that I cam ether and told him "Don't bring what you do in the street into my house!". I was so shocked and humiliated, his father essentially called me a ***** or a piece of trash not good enough to come into his house. I know that my bf didn't say anything, he's too scared too and that hurt more but I had hope that eventually we would be able to get over this, that maybe he would facilitate a meeting with his father and he would see I'm good. I come fr<x>ame a good family both of may parents have masters, are retired military and have government jobs and they make a very god living. I work as a government contractor and am currently pursuing my MBA (graduate OCT '12), I was in the military for 6 years, and I've never been promiscuous and m last relationship was 4 years prior to meeting him. I'm good, I know I am.<br />
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His sis ter had a baby, this is now, and he's disappearing from my life. I see this every day. to make it worse I sent her flowers to congratulate her, I try everything short of showing up at their house, to see I'm good. I want to be involved in his family, he's involved in mine. He has met everyone even went on a vacation with my family and I can't even go to his family for a simple dinner. He held my nephew and had conversations with my brother, yet the same courtesies aren't extended to me.<br />
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My family rolls out the red carpet for him and I don't get a passing glance from his family. What makes it worse is that he doesn't seems to understand how much it hurts me. I want to be with him, start a family, but I'm tired of doing all the work. Going beyond the culture thing I wonder does he love me, truly and how can someone treat a human being like this.<br />
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If I break up with him then it gives us Americans a bad name that we can't commit and we divorce. I don't want them to be right because I'm an old romantic I believe in being married to one person forever but what am I to do if the person I want to be with doesn't want me just as something on the side? My mom wants me to leave him, she wants to me to get out there and to find someone who values me and wants to show me to his family and the world. Its just so difficult as I've been with him so long, I don't know how to do this or what to do.

Wow its remarkable how similar our situations are. Currently I've been dated my bf for two years. My family treats him with respect and has come to see him as someone that I will one day marry. Even now my son calls him "Dad". It breaks my heart knowing that his family won't want us together. He has yet to introduce my son or me to his family. Its very belittling to be honest. Tonight he is celebrating his brother's wedding while I'm sitting in my bed stuffing my face with food because of how crappy i feel over all of this. Trust me when I say I doubt it will get better. I honestly wish you the best of luck with your relationship.

I don't think breaking up with him gives a bad name for Americans, from the Indian cultural perspective because: you're not married = which mean BOTH of you are not committed.

I would really consider if he makes me a better person or worse person for my friends, family &amp; those I care about to be around. Then I would know if he is for me or not.

I have broken up with an Indian guy before, and he didn't love me back the same and he didn't chase after me. Luckily, it let someone much better come into my life, and he's not even Indian from India, but Guyana and he treats me with respect. His parents didn't raise him to not date girls, and consequently he is one of the most respectful guys I have dated.

If someone doesn't treat me well or understand me, I would forget about him/her.

My cousin who is Indian dated a latin girl, when he introduced her to his parents the disapproved and said that you are not good enough to be their daughter in law. However he stood up for the girl he loved and married her nonetheless, at the Wedding only his brother and I were there from his side, they now have 4 kids and his parents have accepted her. They recently the got divorced, it was hard for the kids and the Indian grandparents who were so attached to the Kids. Unfortunately interracial marriages have a higher probability of failure than marriages in the same culture.

What i'm saying is if it dosen't feel right, if your inner tells you something is wrong, you should assess the situation and straight- up (like Paula) ask the question to whom you're dating. a person is trying to use you and bs'in about not telling his parents they are usually in it for the sex. A lot of people are in denial that their b/f will tell his parents soon and everything will be fine, usually these people are fraud who are looking for another sucker.

Hey... I am an Indian girl in similar situation. Hence, I understand what you might be going through. Cheer up. Hope everything will be alright to you. God bless you

1 More Response

Hi!i have an indian boyfriend too,,he is hindu,we met online and dated for almost a year now. I love him so much,and i know that he loves me too. But the big problem is i am married and separated from my husband,and we have one daughter. I asked him if his family will accept me,as i have a daughter and separated but,he said they will but about my daughter he dont think they will accept,He said his family might not accept my daughter. Even thinking of what to say to his society if ever i will bring my daughter to india. He loves his mother so much,she is his princess. I am planning to go to india and visit him and his family. But i dont know what will happen when that day will come. Im kinda scared of the fact that i am going to meet his family. What will they say about me?What if his mother will say no about our relationship?. As i can sense that he is very devoted to his family,i dont know if he has the courage to stand up for me.. I really dont know,but for now we are very happy and keeping in touch on phone and online often. I am very excited the fact that i am going to meet him few months from now. But im also very scared what would be the ending of this relationship. Will i end up same as the girls her who are brokenhearted at the end?please advice what should i do.

Have you met them yet? How did it go?

very likely...
if i were you, i would not pursue this relationship as long as he does not introduce you and your daughter to his family. The odds wont be at your favor. They are very traditional.

I am a non Indian girl, I meet a indian man 7 months ago and only a week ago I finally accepted his offer to take me out (as I was worried about the cultural differences).<br />
on our date he was telling me about how he was born and raised in India and moved to Europe to go to university, doesn't eat curry but likes his food hot and his family was liberal and they had told him that they just want him to be happy and they wouldn't mind what culture he dates.<br />
he seems to be one of the kindest men I have meet, very generous and seems to have good morals and knows how to be respectful to a women.<br />
However after reading posts and blogs about Indian men I am now concerned and wondering if his family are really ok with the idea of him dating any culture or if this is a road I really do want to head down, or am I judging him on the majority of Indian men who have been misleading non Indian women.

I don't know what to say,but I do have an Indian boyfriend,and my mind was blowing on thinking.."do I need to believe him everytime He says "I Love You" to me?I love him in many special ways,but just like other girls out there,I'm bit afraid that our love story won't have a happy ending..I keep on asking him if do his parents know about us,he said yes!I keep on asking,then,what are their reactions?I know Indian cultures believes and imposed Arrange-marriage,he just said "what is my decision will be my families decision too'they should respect it" do I need to believe on him or shall I end up this "hopeless romantic story of ours?"

I don't know what to say,but I do have an Indian boyfriend,and my mind was blowing on thinking.."do I need to believe him everytime He says "I Love You" to me?I love him in many special ways,but just like other girls out there,I'm bit afraid that our love story won't have a happy ending..I keep on asking him if do his parents know about us,he said yes!I keep on asking,then,what are their reactions?I know Indian cultures believes and imposed Arrange-marriage,he just said "what is my decision will be my families decision too'they should respect it" do I need to believe on him or shall I end up this "hopeless romantic story of ours?"

if his parents know about you, will he let you talk to them?

Oh my, I wish I could warn women. I don't like Indian guys one bit, and I'm Indian! And are all of these Indian born or American born? No one specifies.

If a relationship is happy, communication would be open with everyone. If he has lame excuses everytime you want to meet/talk to his family, he might be hiding you!! (this message is to all women).

Indian men believe they can live without love so they won't take a risk to loose their families, their friends just to have you. I already left my Indian bf for 1 month after being with him for 6 months. We were deeply in love. We're both heart broken to be apart but we had to end it.

I am an indian guy and think that my views can help you. Yes, this is true that indians are conservative, they care about their family a lot and most of the time they marry the girl which has family approval. <br />
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Most of the indian families not only care about their race but also about the caste that girl belongs to. Yeah, we have a caste system in hindu religion (just like hindu people are divided in several category and there is a hierarchical ranking among these castes in society). <br />
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But there is something more in Indian culture, which is care for your family and respect for women. If a guy is in real love with you, he will care about you just like his family and will make sure that you are never hurt. So if he is good at heart, in case he knows that his parents won't accept that relationship, he won't even go further. It happened with me (and some of my friends) that I liked that girl and I knew that she is also interested in me but I didn't take it forward because I knew that my parents won't approve this and she does not deserve all this. <br />
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But as similar to others guys, you will also find indian guys who lie and for them, current relationship might be just for fun and this "indian family approval" could be a good excuse for them to finally marry the girl they want. <br />
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And I am not saying that all guys take the same decision, so there are cases where a guy falls in love with a girl (who he knows that she will never get his family approval). I believe that true love happens, so in these cases, both things can happen. His family may approve this or his relationship ends with girl or may be with family. <br />
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So If you really love him, you should be knowing that what he will do in this situation. I don't think that being indian will anyhow change that answer. <br />
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May God always bring happiness in your life. <br />
<br />
God Bless,

hi, im all the way in Africa and its not hus you guys that are going thru the whole being in love with an indian guy,my bf was born in this country,grew up here and made loads of friend here,i on the other hand grew up in the UK so he's more AFRICAN than i am and im black, He told his parents about us and the tottaly rejected the idea but we still seeing each other,i dont know maybe we waisting our time or maybe things will work out but we both are trying everything in our power to stay also feeling what you all are feeling and it aint easy, but if you really wnat something then you should fight for it.At the end of the day its all bout your happiness as a couple if his parents dont like it thats their issue they will just have to learn to live with it, its not like its the end of the world....!

hi, im all the way in Africa and its not hus you guys that are going thru the whole being in love with an indian guy,my bf was born in this country,grew up here and made loads of friend here,i on the other hand grew up in the UK so he's more AFRICAN than i am and im black, He told his parents about us and the tottaly rejected the idea but we still seeing each other,i dont know maybe we waisting our time or maybe things will work out but we both are trying everything in our power to stay also feeling what you all are feeling and it aint easy, but if you really wnat something then you should fight for it.At the end of the day its all bout your happiness as a couple if his parents dont like it thats their issue they will just have to learn to live with it, its not like its the end of the world....!

Hi, I am Indian. Indian men are not used to treating women the way your culture does. I am afraid there are very few out there who have enough balls to stand up for his love. Dont waste your time my dear !

I would like to share my story. I met the most gorgeous, amazing indian man. I actually was acquainted with him before we began our relationship. He worked at the Shell gas station and has been for quite sometime. He has always done small gestures for me since day one of me coming in. I never thought anything of it. He was quiet, professional, sincere, kind and genuine. I'd say about 6 months into me coming to the store, we finally held our first real conversation and it was by the pure forces of nature that we did. Lord knows, I am not one to strike conversation. We talked and talked and talked and he expressed deep emotion and love for this country. We talked politics and he asked light questions about me and what I do.... we had the most amazing intellectual conversation. This was the most personable conversation we'd ever had. We talked before, but it was always small-fast talk because I had to leave. But this conversation had sparks, chemistry and the look in his eyes when we spoke was unforgettable. He maintained eye contact with me the entire time, never taking his eyes off of mine. It was intense. I left the store that day with a major impression in my heart, I knew we shared a connection and I had to do something about it. I haven't been in a relationship since my divorce 2 years ago. It took a lot out of me, between mediations, emotions and general court hearings. It drained life out of me, but I recovered. I called him at the store the same day we had "the conversation" and when he answered, it was almost as if he were expecting me to call, or hoping I would. I grew the biggest courage of my life to ask this amazing man out and this too was out of my nature. I'm old fashioned when it comes to dating, and relationships. Men approaching me, that whole thing. He was so excited when I asked him if we could go out and have lunch or something when he has some free time. Long story short- he has been the most romantic, encouraging, supportive, obsessive, kind, stern, feeling-opressed at times, family oriented man. Not to mention he loves and adores my son more than words which means the world to me. We've had many UPs but have also shared our DOWNs as in any relationship, but when it comes to love its all about taking a risk. Even marriage is a risk, whether it be to an indian, an african, a jew. Indian culture is EXTREMELY different from western culture. They stay true to their roots, their religion and want to maintain a closeness with their community. I value these things of the indian culture in a whole. He has not told his parents about us yet, but only intends to when he knows I can handle his insane work hours and new business, and when he is completely confident that our love can overcome these major obstacles. He has told me we need to wait at least a year, then he will risk telling his mother about us and we can get married. He doesn't want to risk her health because she WILL get sick when he tells her I am not only non-indian, but a divorced mother. We are both very aware of our cultural and religious differences, but despite it all we're in love. He does everything for me and caters to my mother and my son as if they were royalty. My dad loves him too. Our only remaining obstacle is his family back in india. I only pray to God everyday, when the day comes his family will learn to accept our differences and accept and love me as their future daughter-in-law. True love conquers all.

I was really enjoying you post ...until I came to the sentence "He has not told his parents about us yet." I've been with an Indian man for 4 1/2 years and I've come to realize that he will never marry me just like your boyfriend will never marry you. First took my boyfriend 2 years to tell his family about me. Then another year just to meet them..and now we're at a place where he and his family just pretend that I don't exist while I wait and wait for a proposal that will never come ...Now, he's about to take a trip to India and I fear that he'll come back engaged! Indians can get married (to an unknown girl) in the blink of an out!

hey i really enjoyed your post its romantic
i love a girl she is in outer london and Divorced have 4 kids.Her age is 28.My age is 21 but I'm a Jatt guy and livin in Punjab India.Should i tell her that i love her so much and can't live without her.

I would just like to add my experience of an Indian male and hope that it helps you to make the right decision.I dated an Indian for several years to have my heartbroken by him I never thought for one moment that he would leave me ever although I knew about arranged marriages but I think it takes a lot of guts for them to stand up to their parents rightly or wrongly though it is part of their culture.My boyfriend lied told me for months and had been communicating with an indian woman whom he met in India for maybe around 6 months of the time we were together.I did know about this and he told me that they were in touch but gave the impression that it probably wouldn't go anywhere.On reflection I think he didn't think it would but when he went back to India for a holiday as he called it at that point everything changed and he became distant and when he returned that was it he treated me as if he coulnt care less and hardly contacted me the odd text just to make sure I was there for him incase the wedding went pear shaped.I wasn't so stupid as him though although at the time I was quite in the dark about what was going on I knew something was in the pipeline .I deceide to take control and cut all contact with him he was hurting me distancing himself like that and I did it to protect myself and it was so the right thing for me to do .We hadn't been in contact for a year and I found out that he was MARRIED around six months after I cut contact he had lied to me and didn't have the guts to tell me what a coward!Funnily enough this happened about four years ago and around a year ago he got in touch with me to say he wasn't happy in his marriage and would I be interested in him I presumed I would be his bit on the side as he has a child and couldn't leave her ! Well speachless was my middle name that day he knows where he can go! Their culture and family is very important to them just be sure to protect yourself and your own family in your situation hope my advice helps...

oh and by the way...I am educated and well traveled as well...I have a degree from UCLA in Psychology and am applying to law school in September and have served in the United States Air Force for six years where I've lived and visited more countries than I can remember....BUT I'm still not Indian...sooooo "zalzila19" you may be educated, but you're still not Indian. Sorry, but I feel the same way...will he use me, have fun with me, and simply pass time with me until a nice suitable Indian girl comes his way that will keep his parents happy.... :(

I have never responded to any of these types of posts online before, but because I have "become" one of these Indian loving women that I keep reading about...I guess I will share my recent experience. I met my Indian boyfriend who's Punjabi and Muslim almost two months ago. He asked me out and I accepted....not knowing about the "I can't tell my parents thing" and the "secret relationship" thing. Well it's been almost two months and we have spent a lot of time together. He pretty much came into my life and swept me off of my feet. You know...boy meets girl, girl falls in love...I fell in love with him after three weeks!!! I am not naive and young either...I am 37 years old, divorced, and have two children. My boyfriend is only 25 years old, was a virgin, and this is his first relationship. Anyways, I found out a couple of weeks ago after we made love for the first time that our relationship is a secret. I was heartbroken to say the least. I found out because I had put a picture that we took together on his Blackberry wallpaper and the next time I saw him, it was gone. I asked him and that's when I found out that he didn't want his family or friends to know about us...YIKES!!! I didn't know anything about to Indian culture so I was stumped and didn't understand any of it. That put a huge damper on our relationship and made me want to instantly break things off....but I care about him soooo much. After reading how soooo many Indian men do this to American women, I see this is a definite trend. And it's not just White women as I keep reading all over the internet as I am a biracial woman (half black/half white). I asked him why would he ask me out if he knew his parents would have a problem with it...his response: "I'm following my heart!" He told me last week that he would go to his parents and ask them "WHAT IF" "Mom, what if I was interested in a girl that wasn't Indian" just to see her response. Guess what?? He chickened out. He said he was afraid of her answer! WTF! I guess I will never wrap my brain around all of this because I am American and have never heard of something like this. Anyway yesterday I told him since we are a secret, would he be upset if I dated another guy/other people. He then told me that he loved me and please don't do that because the thought of me being with another guy bothers him. NOW WHAT?? I then asked him if he would allow his parents/family and culture to keep us apart. His answer, "I don't know!" WTF! He started crying really bad...and this is not the first time...then I started crying....this is such a horrible situation. I can't believe that this day in age people have to live totally by their parents wishes. If his parents wanted to keep him in this Indian bubble, why even come to this country??! He even told me that he has very little control over his life ever since his parents decided to come to this country. He came first, then his parents 15 yrs later and now he has to take care of them. He has a lot on his shoulders to be so young. Anyway, I feel, I know I need to break things off with him now while it's still very early because I don't want to be like some of these American women that I've been reading about where two years have past and I'm still a secret and then he ends us leaving me for some Indian chick to please his parents. Ugh...just the thought of that makes me sick. I have to think about my children too...they like him...but I try not to have him around them too much because I don't know his and my future. I have read because I am way older than him, been divorced, and have children....his parents are definitely not going to accept me...but for some reason he's hoping they will...BUT I know they won't. I wish he were strong enough to just say he'll stand up to his parents for us...but I know that's a long shot. ANYWAYZ...honey I don't know what to tell you but i know I'm not going to sit around and wait for a year to past wondering when he's going to tell his parents about me/us. I'm also not going to keep having this conversation with him...he's so dang shy that I never get a lot out of him anyway. I say break up with him and find someone who will show you off to the world! That's my plan because you deserve so much better and so do I. Good luck! I know this is hard because the heart wants what the heart wants.

I too am an older divorced American female involved with an Indian boy who is 25, I am 39. He is a virgin, we have never made love, he has stood up to him parents and his extended family, some are fine with it some are not. His mother is a nasty lady and I honestly don't have any kind thoughts for her. We have a very intense and loving relationship. He can be a bit possessive at times, and I hate that, but we talk about it and he knows how I feel.
We have decided that we want to spend our lives together, probably here in the USA. Getting him here with K-1 visa is a good option, but then he will need to wait until we are married for a CR-1 visa which gives him a green card and then he is able to work. Oh, I forget, and it's a big deal actually, he is the ONLY child of his parents.
Just the other day his parents have asked him to go to Delhi where he is from and do some "religious" ceremonies. He is going for 5 days. His cousins husband and I think that this is a trap. I swear they have arranged some sort of matrimonial thing and he will be trapped into a life he doesn't want. What can I do? NOT A THING!
I just sit back and wait for him to tell me what is going on.
I am supposed to go to India, but I don't even want to buy a ticket until he returns. What if they do marry him off? He says that isnt enough time for an Indian marriage, but how do we know it isn't going to be a civil service while he is there and then after some sort of religious ceremony? Can they trap him like that?
I probably should not have said this, but I told him that there is absolutely NO way in hell will I ever live under the same roof as his mom, NEVER EVER!!! He doesn't say much, but I will not do it. She has been evil and viscious from the start. I commend him for his bravery in first telling me how he felt about me, and then going against all of "society" and his parents. I'm still unsure of this "visit" to Delhi.
If he comes back an unmarried man, then what? We want to marry. How do we do it? W do we do it so it can be immediately and legal in both countries, and would living in India for a year or so be a big issue for me? I'm still studying...UGH. Any advice?

This story sounds so close to my heart and I know how you feel. I waited almost 3 years for my Indian Bf to tell his parents and his friends about me....never happened. It all depends how long you are willing to wait. I broke up with him 2 weeks ago and we are both heartbroken. I don't think your Bf is using you in any way. I think he is trying to work it out. Whatever you do, make sure you give him enough time and enough if you do walk away you will feel you did what you could, you did your best part. It is hard to leave when you are in love..if you need more help let me know!! Hope you will work it out and stay together!!!

I'm in the same boat! I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. After you broke up with your bf, did it make him want to marry you? I've been considering breaking up with him and moving force him into a decision.

Hi Nita....It has been awhile since my last post....and a lot happened since. We went back together july 2011, soon after that he has to go back home to India to be at his cousens wedding....not knowing they are planing for him to meet a girl too. Soon after that, they planed his engagement the day before his flight back to Sydney. I was shocked finding all that out, he came back mentally sick and I decided to support him all the way. He asked me to stay and not to leave him, he said he will change things around and brake engagement. I felt he is saying that from his heart and that was my reason to give him time. Time was passing and parents were not cooperative at all and he as getting sick by days. Nothing was changing. Then in jan 2012 he decided to go back and confront them again face to face as they were not letting him talk on the phone. The things are gone out of control, he has been tortured by everyone till the day he merry the girl they wanted him too, only than he was allowed to come back to Australia. I knew nothing about all this till I saw her photo on facebook and that same day he came back to sydney. Still he said wait....he asked me to stay. He was more ill then first time he went. I was standing tall in all this for the Love and respect I had for him and his culture. I think you shouldn't brake up for the sake for making him to marry you. It is not going to force him into decision. I can tell you one thing, your heart will know when is the time for you to leave for good. For me took almost 4 years of waiting, the signs were always there but I didn't want to believe it, I had to give it all in and then leave in peace. So that is what I did. I never hurt him in anyway, I never said bad word about anybody and I am in peace now. Just remember "one door closes, the other opens...". Keep safe.

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