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My Children Heal Me...

In my teens i was very depressed owing to a painful childhood characterised by violence,alcohol and neglect.I was a very bubbly child but my painful existence quickly crushed my spirit and i soon withdrew and began having suicidal thoughts.At the age of eighteen i attempted to kill myself and survived,soon after i fell pregnant after a once off sexual experiment.When my son was born i soon discovered the kind of love i never knew existed,unconditional love.My boy loved me,cried for me,held on to me,i was the centre of his world and it felt good.I now have two more kids and love them all to bits!!!Life has been very unkind to me,but my kids have been my saving grace.

They are the reason i'm here today,the reason i wake up each morning to face my harsh realities,the reason i hope for a better future,if i give up on my future it means i'm giving up on my children.When i see them,everthing seems okay even when its far from it,they make my life worth living.I promised myself to give my kids a drama free childhood but i failed them because their father became abusive to me and they were exposed to all sorts of painful stuff.But now that i have left that place i am committing myself to making them happy everyday and to give them a blissfull childhood,i dont promise a perfect life with no challenges.

But i promise to give my children a warm home,my attention,affection and lots of hugs and kisses,assurance,stability,consistency.I lived my childhood with fear and i grew up to be a woman who attracted pain into her life,it was the same with my mother and her mother.But i am changing the pattern,my children will know love in its fullness,not to be dripfed like i was,they wont spend their life looking over their shoulder but will jump fearlessly into life and embrace challenges without doubts because they have strong foundations of who they are.They will also know that their back is covered whenever they come across a storm,they will have comfort in the fact that they dont go through it alone.I love my kids,they are the reason i'm here and i want to be reason for their bright and happy future.
Flolin Flolin 36-40 Jan 16, 2012

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