Unavoidable Pain

My wife and I are in the throes of divorce. She has the children and the house temporarily because she took me to court and asked for them. This past weekend was my first overnight visitation with them. Our three-year-old came over on Friday and stayed for 24 hours. It was fun, and great to reestablish our relationship after not seeing him for a few days. It doesn't take long for the bond to grow thin on the surface; they get used to your not being there, even though they still love you. Our ten-year-old also came over on Friday, and she stayed until Sunday eve. It was very pleasant: We went out to dinner together, we washed my car, we watched some silly kid movies, we talked a lot... I pointed out to her that it was the longest time that we had ever been alone together, ever. Then, suddenly, it was 7:00 p.m. I told her that we had better get moving so I could have her home by 7:30. I knew that her mother would raise holy hell if we were even one minute late. My daughter hates to be rushed, and I don't do well when I have to motivate her to do something under the pressure of time, so we quickly entered one of those emotional push-pull sessions that left us both feeling upset. We got out the door and in the car. She sat in the back to express her displeasure with me. When we got to their (MY) house, the police car was just pulling up. We got out of the car, he got out of his car, and he asked if I was bringing her home. I told him that I was, and he asked us to wait outside while he went in to talk to Mom. "See?" I told my daughter. "But we're only three minutes late," she said. The cop came out in a few minutes and said that this was a civil matter that should be dealt with through our attorneys, and that was that. He was my daughter's DARE cop, and I could see that she was absolutely mortified to have him see her in that situation. She is very shy and easily embarrassed. She picked up her bags, turned away, and walked into the house without saying a word. As I watched her enter the house, I saw my three-year-old son watching me from the window. It was, possibly, the most terrible moment of my life. I realized then that there is no way that I can spare our children the pain that awaits them. If we were wise enough to do that, we probably would not be divorcing.
anonymud anonymud
46-50, M
5 Responses Mar 16, 2009

......wow. you guys are divorcing, is how i understand what you wrote. since WHEN did a man divorcing his wife become a common criminal??!! i have exes who ARE out and out stone-cold criminals, which is why i left them. and kept the kids away. period. um, if i dont trust a man with me; i sure as hell was not entrusting the kids alone with him, then have faith he'd be a good, decent daddy and return them to me at the proper hour i specified. no; i did not trust them enough to do that. <br />
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soooo; the cops were called because you were a few minutes late returning after a visit----OK. i do not see the reason for that, if you are not some sort of thug and she had good reason to fear for the kids' safety since you still had them minutes after the specified hour. if nothing like that is true about you; quite frankly sir, i'd get your lawyer to keep the kids away from this vindictive person, as it sounds like she called the cops in out of spite, upsetting, of course, her kids in so doing. lose her quick!! :(

Hven't read your story yet- but have you tried the 'Love Dare'- you might want to pick up the book before you throw it all away- one last try can't hurt. Also, the movie is called 'fireproof'.

I am so sorry this is happening to you...and to your family. I know it seems as if pain is everywhere - and it is - but also caring hearts are everywhere.<br />
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Nothing will make any of this right, but the love you feel for your children will help them, and you, keep the family alive. <br />
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You may feel alone right now, but you are not. Others are hoping for your well being and spiritual strength.

This was heart breaking...<br />
I'm so sorry,<br />
Can't you make your wife realise that this is only going to hurt your children more and more?<br />
I wish she knew

My heart just aches reading this story. I can't imagine a more devastating pain than that. <br />
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All I can say is that "this too shall pass" and you'll ultimately look back at this time, knowing you did what needed to be done, for everyone's well being. It's just hard to see (and feel) that right now.<br />
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Take care. You'll be in my thoughts.