Friendly Cousin

I met this first cousin when i went to go visit the family in another country for the first time. I was 11, he was 12. I instantly thought he was cute and felt totally nervous around him but we quickly became best friends for the duration of my stay.
Since then, I don't talk to him at all unless I'm visiting, which happens only once every two years or so. I've always had a crush on him and kept it secret since i knew nothing would happen and honestly thought it was somewhat childish of me.
Well, i went back this summer (now i'm 21, he's 22) and realized my feelings for him haven't diminished. As a matter of fact they've only grown. What's worse is that this time he was very friendly and did some gestures that got me wondering..."Does he like me as more than a cousin too?" The hugs, arm around my shoulders and trying to mess with my hair were normal to me. Occasionally grabbing my nose and chin, and starring as he smiled were a little less normal. But touching my ear, laying his head on mine, lifting me up and caressing the small of my back as we literally squeezed each other goodbye felt different. He also once took me to a river with waterfalls. We went by ourselves and hiked for a while but ended up play fighting and splashing each other in the river. We ended up grabbing each others hands to get each other to stop. Normal. But after we had stopped, we looked into each others eyes and it felt like neither of us wanted to let each other go. I think i pulled back first but only because, like always, he and the whole situation makes me nervous. I don't know what to think of it, but i can't stop thinking about him and my feelings for him are not going anywhere, so opinions?
madseamstress madseamstress
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 27, 2010

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Sweetie, it sounds like he wants it as much as you do. Follow your heart. Best case scenario, it'll be your forever relationship. Worst case, you'll have had an incredible sexual experience, (if it goes there), you'll have in your heart forever. (And think back on fondly. ;-D )<br />
<br />
As for what the families will think, cross that bridge when you both decide what you want to do.