We Fell Over The Edge 4.....Overwhelmed with emotions, questions , curiosity, attention; and after thirty six years of searching- resolve, each day I would get new information about family, life experiences, sharing my own. I was looking for unconditional family type love. I was looking for acceptance. I had found that. My search was over. But there was an added bonus. I had found myself a cousin who liked to draw, who liked the same kind of cars, music, sports. Although we grew up miles and lifestyles apart, we were telling the same stories. We were so comfortable talking about everything and anything. We spoke about our first crush, our first kiss, when we lost our virginity, there was nothing we couldn't ask each other, and there was no hesitation to answer. If you stop and take a moment, when was the last time you were able to do that with someone? Not be embarrassed, not be conservative, not be adult, just an all out Q and A session, with no strings requiring you to be appropriate. Our comfort level with each other was unreal.
If you were to ask him, he could refference the exact conversation that opend the no boundary door, in this relationship, but I myself believe this comfort level is what started the bubbly feeling in my belly. At first I thought that feeling was just a side affect from the hot wings and baileys I had enjoyed the night before, but that bubbly feeling wasn't going away. I found myself constantly looking at my phone for a txt or a missed call. He would txt me every morning with a wake up txt, "Morning Cuzzy." Out of the blue, I was taking pictures of myself. I am an ametuer photographer, ok lets say hobbist. I've always taken pride in finding the beauty in even ugly things. I have always acknowledged my looks but never felt photogenic. All of the sudden I was taking pics of myself (PG OF COURSE), and sending them, as was he. One day after a good workout, I took a pic of myself, a little sweaty, appropiately dressed for workout. I looked at the pic and asked myself, is this riskay? Nah, he's my cousin. He liked it, and sent me one of him during his daily workout. Oh my. Ok, I like this, maybe a little too much. This is weird, am I starting to confuse cousin love with some sort of infatuation? Is this what cousins are spossed to feel like? I had cousins on my moms side but never ever became close with any of them. I was kinda the black sheep in the family (literally), and had never developed anything beyond the normal family gathering hello/ goodbye, relationship with any of them. This cousin love was new to me, but I did know that I liked it, I liked it alot.