Teenage Crush... After Years!
Alright so when I was a teen me and my cousin's family were basically inseparable. They lived an hrs drive away but the moment we got the mwans to travel we always went to each others home. Coincidentally my parents decided to move a walk able distance away from their house. So my teenage years consisted of me and a bro doing everything with them together. Their house had like 7 girls with varying ages. I was younger then all of them (I'm a boyyy) and basically I eventually got sexually attracted with them. I kept this under wraps and tbh I was ridiculously nice to them and I showed I truly cared for them and their comfort without ever asking for anything in return. I just made it seem like it was my character. Anyways I was pretty chubby in my teens and had severe facial discoloration (darker shades / lighter shades) which made me look terrible.
Fast forward to my late teens, a few girls rented a huge house in another city and me and my bro moved there as there were great jobs in that city and I got good jobs / money there. I started working out there, like even in front of them I didn't care. I still looked bad but my hair has always been better then any guy or girl known to man lol. They always complimented, my family, friends, etc. I actually slept in one of the girls room with them but iit felt wrong so I took the couch (house got crowded).
Anyways there were like 2 incidents where my stares were a LITTLE noticeable in all the years I've known them. Trust me I made it my business never to show any lusty desires. Anyways years later my appearance has drastically improved as I went to a dermatologist who fixed my face discoloration. My body looks great and tbh I gained infinite confidence as my face, especially eyes is very attractive, or so I'm told.
I went to my cousin's old house and three got married but still stay at that house days at a time. The eldest one I was nice too but never really talked to kept feeling me up so hard. She was engaged, it was pretty sad tbh I didn't say anything. The one I liked most has a baby boy and I would play with him and treated him like a son basically when I was around (not often, hardly). I would buy hot beverages for my cousin and asked if she needed anything. Honestly she is still gorgeous but I sort of grew out of her as so much time had passed. But jesus she literally stares at me with lust. I actually had to leave a few times. She would give me food and then find excuses to touch / talk to me. If I ever asked for anything she would stop EVERYTHING she was doing to appease me. Her husband works abroad. I admit I could just be a boy toy to flirt with but those eyes honestly had me weak only because I would have given the world to be with her. I forgot about this and idk had my own relationships which never truly made me happy.
This new lust thing of hers was recent. She would give me her food and insist I eat it and then just watch me. Suffice to say I stop going to that house. The elder cousin feeling me up left and right. Her doing the same. I saw a third cousin who I haven't seen in years she was just in awe and would talk to me non
This has really effected me because I got over them but their recent acceptance of me has me a bit weak because I always wanted them to show me affection. But not sexually anymore as they are married / older.
Here are the ages, mother girl is the youngest at 25
Eldestm… cousin is like 29, her marriage seem forced like desperation...
Independent girl has a great job and is 26. She wasn't touchy but treated me like a million bucks and mostly stared I look drastically different.
What should I do? They now make me feel uncomfortable. My culture doesn't look down on cousins marrying. I live in Canada. I'm 23. I don't like visiting that house they stay at (for weeks at a time as they love that house!).
If the mother girl made a move on me I would not stop her... It's not in her character but it's like I am a magnet now. Not showing off I look much better but my self esteem hasn't exactly caught up. I acknowledge that I can attract many women now...
I love my cousins but they moved on without me and I want to keep contact but they sort of creep me out as their is a lot of tension in the air when I just want to kick it like the old days