Today My Life Begins

My story is about the greatest love and pain that i experienced in my life.Two years ago was my unforgettable year. It was the happiest time in my life. Since i was in Highschool i knew i had already a crush on him and it turned into love..No one knows about it except me because the one i love is my own cousin.I know it was wrong to have tht feeling for him but i just couldnt understand why i felt that love. My heart beats faster everytime i saw him or heard something about him.He lived in other country so i saw him not often.Only when he and his parents made a vacation from my country every two years. They always stayed for 3-4 weeks in our country. During his last vacation two years ago was the moment that until now i cant forget. I couldnt look straight in his eyes and my heart beats faster everytime we are near to each other. I dont know if my other cousins noticed it..He is less than ten years older than me.
One night he rented a room in a hotel which is one of the expensive hotel in my city because we live not so near from the city and he wanted to met our other cousin in the city thats why he rented a one night room in hotel.. we slept in one bed and i knew i was not calm at that moment. i was just happy to be besside him but of course i did not tell him my feeling for him that night.It was just normal as cousins in one bed together sleeping.We became so close with each other and i did not even notice that he had also a feeling for me(that has he said, i dont know if it was true)..That happened one night as we sleep together with my other cousins...He slept beside me and that night he almost touched my (sensitve part of the girl,the part of girls body only the boyfriend or husband are allowed to touch) I asked him why he did it? he answered that He did not know.He said that past few day he has somehting differnt feeling for me.that his heart beats faster ..I was really in love thats why i also revealed my feeling for him..Since that night we kissed and we shared sweet moments togehter secretly..I was really happy that time. he was my first love..I said tho him that i had that feeling for a long time already and he said that he had also a feeling for me since his last vacation.I cried after he said that. God knows how much i love him..In his vacation that was also the time that he sadi he will bring me to his country and to study there..To help my parents and to improved our familys situation in terms of money because in his land is better than in my country.By the way he said that before we knewe that we had feeling for each other..We had two times sex before he went back to his country although i knew that time he had a girlfriend waiting there in his country. But i loved him and i did not think other things anymore.He promised to bring me in his country and we shared messages that he loves me.We chatted and texted. I was really happy that time but afraid if someone will know about it. But one day he called me and said he will go to his girlfriends apartment to get some things there. I was very sad and cried because i knew i didnt have hte right to get jealous because she is his girlfriend. I told him that i felt guilty that we made sex although he still has a girlfriend and that she deserves him and he deserves to have her. That was only time that i felt guilty what i did.I was afraid to hurt someone so i was the one who said that between him and me are wrong because he has a girlfriend and he is my cousin but deep inside i was hurt. I was jealous and felt insecure about myself. I hated myself why him.. His mother texted me that his girlfriend will be with them in new year.. i asked him if it was true..He said yes but because his mother invited her.. But i knew he lived by his girlfriend because thats what his mother said once to me..I was really hurt that time..
Days before my flight we chatted on cam because our auntie wanted to see them from other country through cam..I was really hurt because his girlfriend was there also in chatt i mean in cam with him and his parents..I was really hurt to pretend that all are normal especially to the eyes of my relatives. I really did my best that they will not notice it that i was dying from hurt.
Since then i texted him only sometimes if i need help because of my papers that i need fro the flight. Everynight i cried knowing that he chose his girlfriend but i was not angry to his gf, i was angry of myself why him.Since then he texted me that He would not hurt me and why he had to that i am his cousin. That was what he texted.
I almost give up not to flight anymore to his country but i think of my family they need my help and i will have abetter life abroad and someday i can help my family. and also i think of my cousins expenses already that he spent for the paperss and my flight ticket..i dont want to destroy all what he sacrificed just to get me To his country.
I acted normal as we saw each other again..and i did not alk about what happened..i acted normal as his normal cousin..He acted also normal as if nothing happend between us for past few months. I met his girlfriend. She is very beautiful and nice person. He brought me to where his gf worked and i saw them kissed. but deep inside i was very hurt but i just tried to smile because i said to myself he is my cousin,he just played my heart,it was also my wrong why somehting happened(sex) because i did not control myself,..so I was really hurt and hated my cousin for that not because he doesnt love me but because even me he had played my heart.I thought i was special, i thought he really cared about me, my feeling.but i was wrong.he just played my heart and he didnt even talked to me aboutwhat happened after we saw each other again. i was with him and his girlfriend in partys. i saw how sweet they are..After 3 months He said he had a new girlfriend..That they kissed and fall in love.and that he couldnt concentrate from his worked in his office because he was confused because he has two girlfriends and that how he could tell that to his girlfriend that he founf someone new. He shared that all to me because i acted all was normal that i am his cousin there to hear him whenver he has problems..He and his girlfriend broke up and chose his new girlfriend. He expressed his love towars her and i could feel it also that he really loves her i mean true love, not just to play her heat like the way he did to me. I saw in his Eyes that he is loyal to his new girlfriend. his new gf is also perfect for him.She has good job and good person.She is also ice to me. I was really hurt deep inside and nobody knows about it. how many days i hated my cousin for that but more that i hated myself.I sadi time will heal my heart but how can i heal my heart if i saw them both... It was really hard time for me...
One time i had a big fight with him. i was angry and he did not knew the real reason why. I knew im not beautiful but i was hurt to the fact that i am also one of his girls before that he just played although i am his cousin and like what he always said like a sister to him..but he did that to me. we were closed before i revealed my feeling for him although sometime shy because of my secret feeling for him before.
He and his girlfriend had vacation in my country together thats why i can prove that he is already serious about her..After their vacation he talked to me seriously what is the real reason why i was so anry about him. I couldnt control anymore i couldnt hide anymore. I told him the real reason...I dont know if i heard it right but he said like..his feeling for me is still the same and how he wished that he is not my cousin and it would be easy...But of course i dont believe him because maybe he just sadi that because he was pity on me.I have laso that feeling that he also likes my other girl cousin and that i warned him not to somehting unless he is single and that Cousin and cousine are allowed but i warned him not to make a step with our girl cousin if he will just played her heart like the he did to me before.Since That day i sadi to myself "Today my life begins" i leave the past behind me and move on with my life..I still see him but i have now a boyfriend and i hope through my boyfriend i can forget The love and hurt that i feel because of my cousin. My cousin would be happy to see that i am now happy and no more hurt feelings because maybe he was also sorry for what happened.. I really hope that i could completely erase the past or memories that i felt in love ang got hurt of my cousin.Because without those memories my life will be happy again ..TO live normal and treat him like my other cousins...how i wish that i did not have this love feeling for him and my life is normal but it was not and until now i still have a feeling for him but i hope with my boyfriend now and the fact that i knew he is happy with his girlfriend now and he loves her so much. i hope it will help me move on with my life and forget my love for him i hope Today my life begins because for two years i think my heart and soul are dead because of hte pain.........but i hope my relationship now with my boyfriend will really help me and i promise to be true to him and hope a love like what i felt for my cousin before , that kind of love that i want to develop to my boyfriend.
ay my life begins
sirg sirg
18-21
2 Responses May 19, 2012

sorry to hear of ur experience, I too am involved wit a cousin & we have our ups & downs but have been secretly hiding our love from everyone in our family. thanks for sharing & I'd like to hear more. I've got a few stories that u can check out of you'd like :)

yes i would like few other stories to check out...I dont think that there will be a continuation of my story with my cousin. I accept it now that he will not be mine and im trying my best everyday to really forget my feeling for him and i am sad because it took years before i finally find someone new in my life to help me really forget the feeling for my cousin..could ypu share also your story with your cousin??

nice story

thank you....