Have I Lost the Love of my Cousin??

In 1984/85 when I was quite young, I received a cousin from India, whom I got attracted and equally attracted he was towards me. One day he just expressed it to me and I too responded to him the same way. I asked him to talk to my mum, who is Italian and Christian, while my father an Indian Muslim. As cousin marriages were common among Muslims, I thought that it will be OK to marrying my cousin whom I had fancied as well. But my mum opposed to it. My cousin was heartbroken and so was I, but we kept on meeting and had done whatever could happen in a passionate love. We never felt bad about it, but my mum just did not agree us marrying. On my advice rather an order, my cousin married to an Indian lady here in UK and he stayed here. As my mum never identified herself with Asian community, she always wanted me to marry some one English or European. My dressing language and eating habits were all European even the name. I, later on in 1994 got married to an English gentleman. He was a thorough gentleman and deeply in love with me. I also tried to be in love with him, but he felt that I was not. We dragged the marriage for a few more years, but finally it ended in 2003. Myself and my cousin had vowed not to see each other, but he always lived in my heart. My cousin although is married, but I know that he too is not happy with his life and he does not have any kids. We both are above 45 now. I saw him a few weeks ago. He was an absolutely different man. grey hair, untidy in dressing, where as in those days he was a well dressed man, always giggling, telling jokes and movie goer. Because of my close association with European / British community, no one Asian family considers me as an Asian. Some close friends Know that my father was an Indian, who passed away in 2001. Now I am ashamed of being associated with an Asian cousin. I know that if we meet again, we will not be able to control ourselves. My mother lives with me, who has realized that I can not be happy with any one else, but my cousin. She is very clear that cousins marriages and affairs are very " uneuropean" and she still opposes to it. I really dont know what to do, but I miss him terribly and I love him. I miss all those days and moments which we spent together. Our relationship was so secret that not even my very close friend knows about it. I am sure that my cousin too misses me, but he will not approach me. Any advice or help from any lady in similar situation??
kathpol kathpol
41-45
4 Responses Sep 23, 2012

Kathpool,hearing you talk like this is depressing. I wish my cousin felt for me what i feel for her,then i would overcome anything,...just to maintain our love, but alas i cant,coz she does'nt love me back.
You only get to live once,life has no rehearsal.Go for your heart,before its too late

I was in this situation where he promised to love me for eternity. Your mom was the only one who opposed your relationship, but in our situation, everyone was opposed to it and thus our break up. What I can say is that do what your heart tells you to do, and make sure you don't regret it.

Thank you mathiasngea, but my mum and dad were not cousins. While the person I think I am deeply in love with is my first cousin. We have had wanted and loved each other so much and had done everything which in love people would do. any way , perhaps my life will end in his memories now, but I love talking about him.

Any new news?

All this just shows me that true love never dies,no matter how suppresed it might get.Forget your mom,she married who she wanted,(yourdad).Be happy and take a leap of faith.