Can't See My Life Without

I know it's wrong to love my cousin but can't see my life without him. I LOVE him since I was 10 and he was 11. As a child we both were abused mentally physically and sexually by the people we love and trust. We got in touch 2 yrs ago. I try to avoid it but we can't. 6 months ago I went for his mom funeral The last night I spend at this house, I spend the night with him. No, we didn't make love, there was no penetration. We just kiss. I couldn't my sister was there besides I'm married with 3 kids. 2 adult 1child that still need his dad. He is abusive like my dad but excellent father. My husband knows the way I feel about him but he doesn't know the feeling is mutual. I don't know What to do he is first thing of and the last. I cry almost everything specialy after sex. I feel empty. Yesterday he told me he been with other women but no one makes him feel like the way he felt that night. He says he should't but everynight he thing of me. He try to move on with his life but he can't if I'm not part of it. We try to but can't live without each other. Please need advice don't want to hurt anyone.
Kimmy27 Kimmy27
2 Responses Dec 1, 2012

Thank u so much, u r right try to fight it but everyday I love him more. My cousin is the only one who cares about me. I was sick for 2 weeks my husband lives with me didn't care. My cousin heard I was sick he left his mom who was at the time his patient just to see me. What stopping me from leaving, my kids. Don't want to hurt them. I don't want my son to grow up like me without a dad or a mom. I'm always trying to make everyone happy but myself. I guess I need to think about me, what and who makes me happy.

well to be very very blunt you shouldt be with your husband :/ ,he may look after the kids but if he doesn't look after you then go with your cuzy over him because you know what who would care about you the most? ask yourself that and whoever it is pick them and dont feel guilty because thus feeling you have will only get stronger but Rome wasn't built in a day so think on it ok :)