First & Forever Love

I've loved my cousin my entire life! I mean from toddlerhood. Our parents , especially our moms, who were the sisters, watched us like hawks when we were around each other, and of course it got worse the older we got. By the time I was 8 and he 10, we were not alone together at all if anyone could help it. I mean, what did they think we would do?

Anyway, I guess some might try to say puppy love, just a crush or whatever. I always knew better. My heart would pound, breathing get quicker, sweaty palms, stomach doing flip-flops and EVERYTHING you associate with infatuation & such, but I just knew.

When I was 9 he moved 400 miles away, and it may as well have been 4 million I thought at the time. We visited a few times a year, and to this day I will never forget our first and only kiss. I was 12 years old and our moms were busy making supper. Dads were watching TV and having a beer and all of our younger sibs were busy with other kid stuff. We decided to go for a walk down the the DARK, DESSERTED country road. We walked arm-in-arm as we always did (this was permissible in the presence of parents or other chaperones) for about 1/2 a mile. Then he said he had to say it or it would kill him to hold it in anymore. Of course I knew already, but then he turned to me and held me and just hugged me fiercely, like it was the last time he would ever see me. I asked him if he was OK and he said he wanted to kiss me but was afraid to. I told him it was OK. It was probably a bit less chaste than I had thought it would be, but it was magical & bittersweet. We both cried, and promised never to tell anyone, then turned around and started back home. Less than halfway we came across the 'posse' that was sent out when they discovered us missing, and then we truly were never alone again. The next summer I saw him, but I had my 1st "boyfriend" by then, and of course, we did not have a single moment alone. It would be the last time I would see him for a long time.

It is now July 12, 2007, my dad has just passed away and I'm at the wake. I knew his sister was going to be there, but I didn't think anyone else was. I literally FELT his presence. I would not have recognised him with my eyes but my heart knew. The presence of his wife and my husband didn't even matter, it seemed. He came over next to where I was standing and just put his arms around me and held me, crying, telling me he was sorry about my dad but he was so glad to get to see me again, and I love you so much and why did we have to be who we were and why couldn't things have been different, etc.

I was totally dumbstruck to realize that after those years my feelings were exactly the same, and probably more shocked that his were. I know now that if the circumstances had been different and we hadn't been separated during those years, a forbidden relationship would have gone a lot further, because the mind can't always overrule the heart. Before we parted ways again he told me again I was his first love and he would always be in love with me, with his wife sitting maybe 2 feet away, and I told him the same. I know I will always love him as more than a cousin, right or wrong. I hope to see him again, but I don't know if it will happen. I only know that after my dad, he was the first 'man' I ever loved, and I always will. I think it's tragic and heartbreaking that sometimes our moral values get in the way of happiness. It's legal to marry a first cousin in both of the states we live in, but it goes against the way we were raised and obviously the majority of people are raised the same way.

I think there are probably a lot more cousins in love in the world than we will ever know, and some will never tell that person how they feel, or anyone else. It hurts way too much to keep your feelings locked inside. I am so clad I told him how I felt (FEEL!), and I am glad to have a place to finally share this story with someone, anyone, who has also been through it. God bless those who fought a hard fight like I did, and kudos to those who find happiness one way or another.

blueeyedangel blueeyedangel
41-45, F
40 Responses Jul 17, 2007

I am also in such condition,when i am of five i proposed my cousin and she said she love me too,we thought this is only a attraction and nothing else.our parents always use to tease us that we are like radhika and krishna and one day our marriage will take place but they only do it as a fun.our parent didn't know that thier fun are making our feeling more stronger.As the year passes we can't live without each other,many times we tried to forgive each other for the respect of our family,but every time we failed.Finally at the age of my 16 and his 14 we accepted that we fall in true love and its impossible for both of us. i even told my parents about her but they told it is sin even to think such a impossible thing.Mom told me she is the daughter of my own brother and ur marriage is a sin in our community.i told to mom this is only your fault why you use to tease us in our childhood,then mom said me i don't know anything u have to forgive him.I said nothing.But i don't care of my mom nonsense talking we love each other and always will be of each other.We talk to each other in sms and sometimes in call ,we promised that we never forgive our love and will make our luv story sucessfull.

We decided after 8 years when i will be a engineer and she will be a CA we will again try to make our family agree for our marriage.we will try our best for convincing them.but if they won't agree then we will suicide,,,,!

all i can say is once you are in love.it doesnt matter whom you are falling in love. love does not classify any situation. but the fact that it has consequences and even negative outcome.well for me just continue loving that cousin but you have to set yourself free from each other.

that was such a sad but beautiful story

Wow but he's married I think u shud just back of no offence.. :)

i can really feel your pain... i was also separated with my boyfriend cousin because of moral values factors... i remember the last time we talked, i even had to tell him i don't love him anymore to pushed him away.. i did that because i felt that some of our family members knew it already and i overheard them saying they will disown us... i knew i broke his heart, i saw him suffer because of me... he suffered a lot because he tried his best not to love me... i saw him cried many times, and the day that i broke his heart was the last one... a month after that day, i got pregnant for trying to divert my feelings away from him, then i eventually got married... when he found out i was pregnant, he called me but i didn't answer... almost everyday, he came to our house checking on me and asking me that he wants to be the father of my baby... of course i won't do that for its unfair to him... years of my married life has past but nobody knows of what i fell... that i am thinking of him everyday... i still love him, i didn't stop loving him... i thought this feeling will end but i was wrong... every time he is around, my heart is beating so fast, i think my whole body is shaking and i get rattle... now, he is still single and his smile is still the best and sweetest smile i received... sometimes i have this feeling that i want to talk to him and tell him how much i love him and miss him... i almost run to him to hug and kiss him but my mind keeps telling me "no!". am holding myself back, i will never forget my one and only reason why i needed to broke up with him... i chose to love him secretly, so they don't need to hide him away from me... ;-(

I dont understand why the love between cousins is so intense. I am in the same boat as yours and I can feel the pain you suffer from.

Your story os pretty much like mine - my cousin was my first love, in childhood. My parents dread what may happen, as both of us have come out of long-term relationships and have been apart for many years. Still, we just seem to know each other deeply, which is difficult to resit at the moment. To me, this site shows we are never really alone in anything - its good to read other stories. I don't know how mine will end, but I'm not giving up on seeing it through somehow.

Same Here :')

Your story is my story. I knew I was in love with him when I was 6 years old, even before i knew what that meant. We try to limit the amount of time we are in each others presence and email/chat infrequently, but it is always there. Good thing we live a couple of states apart or we would not be able to stay away from each other. Best wishes to you both.

Hi! your story is just like mine. we realize that we both in love with each other after 10 years thru facebook. We revile each others felling. he is separated now with his wife and im currently having a rocky road relationship with my husband. its very hard for me because i love him so much and i wish this will last forever. only if we could make things right for this relationship we would but its not. its so sad

really touching story. pray that all things go well in the end. i also love my cute cousin. i think she is very much alone. she loves me. but whenever her father sees us together with no one near.. he beats her. i get very angry and upset but i have nothing to do. i always pray to god so that she would be mine for whole of my life. i love her soooo much. she is 7 years younger than me.

wow! touching story & I too am in love wit a 1st cousin (our dads are brothers) we have to keep our affair/relationship a secret & is killing us. we don't know how our families would take it but like almost everyone I've encountered here on EP are similar in that "it just happened" but I'm glad I or we acted on our feelings & am glad he made the 1st move & now 3 or so years later, here we are & I think out families are suspecting something but dunno. we even had a preggo scare. anyways I've shared my experiences please feel free & check em out & again, thank you for ur words & hope to hear more :)

wow! touching story & I too am in love wit a 1st cousin (our dads are brothers) we have to keep our affair/relationship a secret & is killing us. we don't know how our families would take it but like almost everyone I've encountered here on EP are similar in that "it just happened" but I'm glad I or we acted on our feelings & am glad he made the 1st move & now 3 or so years later, here we are & I think out families are suspecting something but dunno. we even had a preggo scare. anyways I've shared my experiences please feel free & check em out & again, thank you for ur words & hope to hear more :)

I was am one the lucky one's I believe even though we are not together we talk about our feelings as matter of fact christmas day 20011 we fell in love from being babies and have never lost that Love. I am upset that he moved so far away. We had talked about everyone wouldn't except it and now that I am older and as he is older our love is still so strong wished we would of just took off and left and not thought about anybody else.And he told me that when he was in viet nam that is all he had to hold onto was me.I eventually got married while he was in nam and he confessed to me last night he gave up all hope when he heard I got married. It broke my heart to hear that. and I don't understand why if you love someone why can't you be with them.We had done so much together as kids by the age of 5 we were kissing cousins and as the years went on we took long walks went to the soda shop play the juke box listen to music sit outside on the porch and watch the stars We live in a very small town in the country we would kiss but would always have to hide our feelings. We will love each other til the end but will never be together.But in our heart's and soul's only. I will love him til the day I die.

Your story is almost exactly like mine. i cant stand being so far away from her and she lives in a different country. she says she loves me....but i dont know if we'll ever be together. PLEASE reconnect with him. you only have one life ahy waste it. i say screw everyone else and their thoughts. you LOVE eachother, thats all that matters. do it for love

this is so wrong!

It's not go **** yourself.

Well I can say me and my cousin really care and love one another. So much that my parents just separated us. I wish they could understand how I really feel about her and accept it. I still talk with her, everyday. I really hope to marry her someday, but i am a kid I don't know what I am going to do with my life yet. But I know I am not going to live it without any regrets, so I am not going to give up on her. Even though it will be tough until we can see each other again. I swear to god I love her, I am going to try hard as hell to make her more someday. My advice to u, don't give up. Keep trying, keep in touch and be with your cousin all u can. Cause u will miss him more and more when u let go. Best of luck to u

Well I can say me and my cousin really care and love one another. So much that my parents just separated us. I wish they could understand how I really feel about her and accept it. I still talk with her, everyday. I really hope to marry her someday, but i am a kid I don't know what I am going to do with my life yet. But I know I am not going to live it without any regrets, so I am not going to give up on her. Even though it will be tough until we can see each other again. I swear to god I love her, I am going to try hard as hell to make her more someday. My advice to u, don't give up. Keep trying, keep in touch and be with your cousin all u can. Cause u will miss him more and more when u let go. Best of luck to u

this is my story too, <br />
we live thousand of mile apart now but<br />
whenever he comes "home" for a visit<br />
he and I sneak around to find a few stolen moments<br />
he doesn't hesitate to be intimate even though he is with his girlfriend<br />
my heart pounds and I literally shake under his touch<br />
it's like the old song..<br />
it's in his kiss...<br />
iI know he loves me, not just because he tells me whenever we talk, <br />
but because I feel it so strongly when he kisses me.<br />
we're both pushing 40 now <br />
and all I can hope for is to have more time together....<br />
away from the restrictions that modern north american society has imposed.<br />
i posted my story here a long time ago now<br />
and unfortunately nothing has really changed,<br />
just even more heartbroken about being apart.<br />
it has offered comfort though, to know that we are not freaks, <br />
but instead, victims of circumstance.<br />
i dream that i may enjoy an old age with him,<br />
when our parents pass away and our children are busy adults...<br />
we could be the unsuspected old folks.... <br />
we could be truly happy.

i can understand what n how u feeling.... bcoz i'm facing the same that u did

this is just wonderful... a memory to last a lifetime

I know what you feel. It is terrible that we have been raised to consider our cousins as non touchable lovers. My cousin called me her boyfriend when she was only 5 and I was 10. My dad was her moms oldest brother. When my dad died his side of the family diowned my mom brother and I. However my aunt stayed in touch with us to the ob<x>jections of other family members. When my cousin was 13 she and her family came to visit my mom and I. I fell in love with her as soon as I saw her. I visited her when I graduated from high school but then didn't see or hear from her for about 8 years. I got married and joined the Navy and was overseas when I got a letter from her telling me my grandfather had died. I was hurt angry and unable to do anything until I returned to the states. I wrote her and told her that I was hurt and that I was angry that no one considered that my grandfather ment anything to me but he did. that started us writing again and during this time my wife left me and long storey short I was free. When I got back to the states I went to visit her and her family. One night I kissed her forehead and she laid one on me. It surprised me but it was very welcomed. It went from there and 8 months later we were in deep love. however we where very religous and our relationship was of concern to both of us.So we went to the pastor of our church and told him what was up. He had no answer for us at the time but he resursched it and checked with a few of his instructers at divinity school and no could see why our relationship was wrong. the bible mentions everyone except cousin in nonacceptable relationships. that made us feel so much better however we still had family to consider and they all accepted us and we have been married for 30 plus years. I wish so much that cousin relationships wheren't considered ****** because they really aren't. I the 18th and 19th centurys people all over the world married cousins ands nothing was thought of it. Franklin and Elenor Roosevelt were cousins and its legal in many states to marry. so I know how you and your cousin feel and how you both where hurt by family for misunderstanding. I wish you all the happiness .

Thanks for sharing that great story! I had a major crush on a cousin when I was about 13 -- she is five years older ... it was a one-way feeling though ... I'm not sure she had a clue ... sigh ... still a nice memory to reflect on ...

Sigggghhhh, same here.<br />
<br />
I love her ,but she is married with a kid, she regrets her marriage and her husband beats her and takes her money to goo drink with his friends, we talked about it, she said she will leave him,I never told her how I feel, but I am sure it showed .<br />
<br />
I know how you feel, it kills to hold it inside.<br />
And I don't know if our family will approve it or not,she lives far away,but comes to visit often with her father brother and sister,and they watch us like hawks too.<br />
but if I am sure she loves me, I will marry her regardless.<br />
<br />
I will never give up till she is mine.<br />
I feel that she loves me as well. we act like lovers but we never said it.<br />
<br />
I don't know, I am torn apart with wonder .

i had the same story in my life ad me and my cousin tried to break up as we knew that almost all our relatives gonna be mad about it. But we couldnt stand it, couple of years we were apart we didnt keep in touch but then we realized that we love each other. I love him not because he is handsome, rich, smart or something ijust love him. I think thats the purest love ive ever had. now w are 21 years old, so in 3 years we are planning to get married. we dont care about what other people gonna think about our marriage, my mom is ok with it, his dad is too, im not sure about his mom though... the only thing im a lil scared about is our children we r gonna have in the future... i really want them to healthy...

Apparently a lot of people have the same problem =/ Sigh i hate society...

My story is so much like yours and I miss him so very much. Even today which is a family reunion I was unable to go as I was afraid to start up the extreme emotions I had last time I saw him. Also my husband and his wife would be upset. If our aunt and my mother hadn't separated us all through high school we'd probably be together now and happy. As it is he looks so sad and I miss him so badly.

My story is so much like yours and I miss him so very much. Even today which is a family reunion I was unable to go as I was afraid to start up the extreme emotions I had last time I saw him. Also my husband and his wife would be upset. If our aunt and my mother hadn't separated us all through high school we'd probably be together now and happy. As it is he looks so sad and I miss him so badly.

I wished u did sumthing about it. i believe this kind of love is real and true. its not really forbidden but because we are raised to believe that it is.. <br />
both of you sacrificed being with your true love i pray that there is still hope for u both.<br />
i love your story.. i really hope there is still a happy ending

First of all I love your story T_T wish it could have gone better for you. But right now I have a problem of my own, I love my cousin and not in a cousinly way, more of the love that you feel, but I'm not sure if I should tell her. I plan on telling her soon I even got a ring for her, and I'm ready to accept whatever she decides is her feelings for me, but i would first like to get some advices from all of the people here please if you have some helpful tips I will welcome it with open arms. I just want to be prepared, I've loved my cousin for as long as I can remember, and the last thing I want to do is to screw it up by coming on too strong with my confession. I'm really really lost right now please if anyone has any words of wisdom especially those who have been through this I'm very much open for any suggestion. And again a very tragic story I hope you two can find what you're really looking for. As for me I'll be starting that journey in about 2 months. Please wish me luck.

wow this a great life tale..ive been through the same yet we didn't fall in love so young in.im just 15 hes 16 we're planing on moving away together when iturn 18 despite everyone elses wishes.you only have one chance at life why not live it to the fullest be happy you don't know when its gonna be over..<br />
<br />
- A + J 112409

hey...am new here...i am so glad i found a place where i can share,all of these feelings that have been locked inside of me....i read your story,and i feel,the same,sometimes we cannot chose to be happy,because that's against social values,family values,but is our love any different?

Hello... its a very heart-warming story.. Mad me cry.. we are the same.. me and my cousin are also in love.. but some of our relatives are disagree of our relationship.. Also my Mom.. good thing my dad is ok with it, but I just love him.. he's my very first man..He even said that he will marry when the time comes... But you truly are a great person.. The one you love is so lucky...

You are very lucky! that your family argees to this mine think's it's god damned rong n by d angel i won't disagree but I love him so much! Sharing this with people who won't think i'm crazy or think's it's worng feels so good

u made it known? I'd like to hear more about that! in a secret romance wit a cousin too

Wow. Im almost crying. Your story is almost like mine, exept that when my parents found out about how i felt my dad punched him in the face... ... and im 14 and he's 27... Me and him used to always walk arm in arm. He will always be my angel, and I will still love him forever. The part when you said that morals getting in the way of happieness was so true and is exactly how I feel, though I probibly wont ever be able to hold his hand agian.

wow! almost the same here minus the punching, but I was barely introduced to this 1st cousin (now lover) in my late teens &amp; he was in his early 30s. like everyone here says "it just happened"

this is so beautiful yet so sad

Your story is so much like mine. However; I've come to the realization that 'doing the right thing' (not interferring in his marriage) and living a lie hurts far more than the possible fallout that would happen once the secret is 'out of the closet'. <br />
<br />
The thing that haunts me now is we never know when the good Lord will call us home & what if one day he's gone forever and all that's left are the regrets that I wasn't brave enough to follow my heart? I'm only 37 and am so afraid that death will separate us before we'll have a chance to be together.

wow...your story made me tear up...

reach out to him, meet and let it be....

reach out to him, meet and let it be....

reach out to him, meet and let it be....

reach out to him, meet and let it be....