OK, so I'm pretty new at this. Please bear with me.
Hello, I'm a teen girl who has absolutely no idea on how to fix the humongous mess that her life is right now. To summarize: I am in a relationship with my first cousin on my mom's now, and just recently my mom saw us together. Nothing bad, I just touched his arm, but my mom is super pissed. So, to explain why she is soo mad over this simple gesture, lets start from the beginning, which was about 4 years ago, when i was still a child. I fell for my cousin and he fell for me. It was a real simple kiddie relationship,innocent, you could almost say. It never went past holding hands and hugging. One day, my mom caught us doing just that, hugging. with the exception that we were lying in bed together. She was really displeased to say the least. She yanked my ear. "He's your cousin" she said Well that happened in Mex. 4 years later, my cousin came to the US where we live currently. Before his arrival, my mom had already told me not do anything stupid. I think that she thinks we did something dirty or obscene, but it was nothing like that. Anyways, after a couple of months, he got a phone and we started texting one day. I was still mildly interested in him, but I didn't know if he was in me. I knew that ever we had could only be real in my mind. So, I confined myself to fantasies knowing that it would never happen and that I couldn't let it happen either because it would be a hugely ungrateful way to repay my parent's for being just that, my parents. I consider them, all things considered, to be very good ones and something like that would be no way to thank them for the support and love they have given me most of my life. Back to the point, we were texting and I said bye, but he was like wait, I have some pics to send you, and i was like OK. he sent me some cute love notes, and he asked me out the next day. I was and am so confused about my reasons for accepting his over text message proposal (something that i found very unromantic). I do like him a lot. Actually, i think it might be love, but then again what teen knows truly what love is; what person for that manner?
So it could be that maybe this is not worth it, but I had been hoping for him for a long time. I do care for him and he does for me. He left his world in Mex and came here for me. I guess part of my acceptance has to do with that fact, but I never asked him to give it all up for me. He knows just as well as I do what he was getting into and I left it very clear where we stood. I have never had another boyfriend that was not him and he says he hasn't been with any one either. I feel like I owe him and that I should repay him for his love or like. I'm an endless cynic and hopeless skeptic, so I doubt all men without question and doubt every aspect of society. Which is the reason this may seem a little on the other side of romance. I feel I must say that we haven't done anything wrong besides keep this ( and rather unsuccessfully on my part) from our family. We've only exchanged a couple of kisses and held hands.
With my parents it's also another guilt trip which is exactly why I'm not fighting as hard as I would otherwise. Yesterday, after my mom saw us, she took me into my dad's room and asked me how it was that she could make me understand that he was my cousin she took a belt a hit me for the first time since I was a child.She then proceeded to call me a pig and a dirty person, that was what hurt the most because I am inanely a good girl. I keep my grades up, I am mostly respectful, I'm clean, and the only thing out of bounds I have wanted was him. I don't merit any disrespect, and yet she's treating the situation as if it were all on ME. She hasn't yet considered that a relationship is with TWO people. I am proud of the fact that I did not shed a tear over this whole exchange.
So my question is, what can I do? Should I keep up with this? Should I break his heart and tell him it's over because I can't up and leave everything for him like he did for me? or should I give it all up for him, my family, my life, my future? I am so confused. I can't look at my mom, and the only thing that comforts me is that she hasn't told my dad and I'm pretty sure she never will. I just don't know what to do at this point and all advice would be appreciated especially form those who have been somewhere similar to my experience.