Leaving Home

In just shy of week, I'll be moving out, into a small apartment with my boyfriend and our pets. Tomorrow, Thursday, Friday, and next weekend our the last days I see my dad before I leave home (he's going to ohio next week, and the week after). So I'm going to share my love and my story on here.

I was born in May 1994, to a veteran and an army officer. They met in Desert Storm, had a son (that's why my mom was a veteran when I was born), he went to ocs, came home, then they had me. Shortly after my birth, my dad decided to leave the army. I was about 3 months old. There's a picture of us when I was 1 month, where he fell asleep on the floor in his uniform and I was asleep next to him in a girly pink dress. Before they moved off base they took me, my brother, and some friends to the zoo. This was the first time my dad used the carrier sling they make to hold babies, and I was facing him. Babbling away and hitting his face. As I've been told, he started crying (he rarely does this), stopped walking and began telling everyone how beautiful I was.

Before I learned how to speak, my dad would make clicking noises at me. Eventually I began to reply with clicking sounds as well. When I wanted my dad I would click, and the second he came home from work I would begin clicking at him. My mom calls it our secret language. I was a typical girl child. And a huge daddy's girl. I loved Blues Clues and for months after he bought me a doll of Blue I bragged to everyone about how "my daddy got me blue". I was the object of my fathers affections and he was my hero. He'd take me with him to work when I was off school, and get me McDonalds on his way. He'd surprise me with treats and tickets to Yankees games (he raised me to love the Bronx Bombers). He'd tell me daily how pretty I was. He called me princess. He lavished me as if I was one.
By age 7, he'd stopped telling me I was pretty. He began training me in making fun of my mom and how to charm people. To point that to this day, my mom tells me I only got my dads DNA. We remained close. At age 12, I got really into the emo fad. I only listened to My Chemical Romance, I wore eyeliner in huge rings around my eyes, and I wore all black. He didn't really like it, but he still liked me better than my older brother and mom. By this time I also had a younger brother. My dad started spending more time with him.

I quit the emo stuff around age 14, and began going to concerts with my dad. Motley Crue, Green Day, Theory of a Deadman, Godsmack, Cavo...to many to list really. My older brother was kicked out at 18, after attacking me on a couple occasions. I was 15. When I turned 16 we moved to Europe and I began hating my dad for taking me there. We barely spoke. At 17, my mom took me and my brother back to our old house in America. I still detested my father. My dad moved back in May shortly after my birthday. It took a while for us to get along again. Steadily, we started talking again, but it wasn't until he took me to a yankees game last week that I knew he and I were close again. Today though, I turned on Mulan after COPS was over. Yesterday, he had shown me and picture he always has with him of me and Ariel from when I was 6. So when he saw Mulan was on, he sat back down instead of going to bed like he had planned. We watched together, joking around and such. But when we got to the part about the flower blossoming, it fell silent. We stayed quite for a few moments, and slowly returned to our joking.

Then came the part where Mulan returns. Her father tells her " The greatest gift and honor... is having you for a daughter." The silence returned. For the past year when I watched that part I had wanted to cry, knowing my father didn't feel that way about me. My eyes stung with the tears I was holding back, as my father quietly said "I think every dad feels that way about their daughter." It took all I could not to cry. I will always love my father and it feels so good knowing he loves me too.

Oh, and he still calls me princess.
Smalllsk Smalllsk
Jul 29, 2012