Love Hurts

I Love my daughter but she's killing me. It's not that she's a bad girl she's just guilty of making a lot of bad choice's. I'm quilty of some bad choices myself.

She's going to be 30 in June, I'll be 60 three days later. I've had a bond with her since birth that I can't explain. There s just something about daddy's little girl. She was actually born on Father's Day which is all the more special.

During her childhood, she wasn't much for the girl stuff. Don't get me wrong, she liked play with dolls, playing in makeup, slumber parties but she hated to be put in dresses. She much prefered jeans and t-shirt so her mom had a tuff time dressing her for those formal occassions.

I was doing ok financially at the time working for a company that relocated us frequently. So her childhood friendships didn't last long. My job also required that I travel almost daily so I wasn't home for days, sometimes months.

I'm a due it yourselfer, so when home I'd due little projects around the house or work on the cars. I've always had the attitude or why pay someone to do something I enjoy doing. Knowing that most women out driving around have no idea about anything to do with their car beyond adding gas and maybe checking the oil. I felt it important that she knew some of the basics. So, when I worked on the cars, she was right there with me. She and her mom had nothing in common and fought like cats and dogs. Her mom wanted a girl girl so the fight was always on.

In her early teens, my daughter, started to becoming this rebellious, conflict minded hell bent on self-distruction. Nothing worked we couldn't get through to her. Along with her teens came this 5'4' blue-eyed blonde with a barbie doll figure weighing about 110lbs. Needless to say, the hounds were out and I could see where she was headed. With her attitude, she didn't take crap from nobody. She'd fight at the drop of a hat. Didn't and still doesn't matter man, woman, big or small cross her path, she's going to get a piece of you. Hope you get the picture.

At nineteen, she met guy about 10 year's older than her. He ran an automotive repair shop that his mom owned. One of several she owned actually, she's well off financially and he was her little boy. Didn't matter what he did she was there to bail him out using the best lawyer's in town. Some things she couldn't buy things she couldn't buy him out of. At the time of their meeting, he had just finished serving time for dealing coke. Not someone I wanted my daughter with but she's now 19 nothing I can legally do.

To make a long story shorter, she married him shortly after my wife and I moved out of town because of a job change. We begged her to move with us but she refuse. They both move into a house his mother own's. His mom, not only lets him stay there rent free, she pays the utilities, groceries and whatever he wants. His salary is paid under the table with no taxes taken out. So all his cash is play money. Drugs, alcohol and women. When drunk he becomes abusive, my daughter, given her temper, won't back down. So when they fought, they fought. Police at their house was a weekly occurance. Before it's all over, my daughter ended up with two children by him. Also, during this time my wife and I moved back to this area because of a necessary job change. So, it became almost weekly that our phone was ringing in the middle of the night because they were fighting and she wanted to get the kids away from it. We even moved her out several times, including out of state. She'd always go back. She finally met a guy and moved out from her husband. The guy she met works hard, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs and is great with the kids. His problem is, he is super insecure and always accusing her of seeing someone else.

Here is what is now causing us all a lot of heartburn. While living with her husband, he got drunk one day, forcefully took her car, ran a stop sign and broadsided another vehicle. He and a friend he'd picked up both got out of the car and ran. Her husband didn't have a drivers lisence. Even though she had already called the police and told them to be on the look out for her husband because of his drunken condition and the fact he had stolen her car. Her insurance company wouldn't pay the claim because the car was being driven by an unlisenced driver. The state revoked her lisence until she pays the damages. $8000. Her delima is with two small children there are times she has to drive. Which she does. She has been arrested numerous times paid fines, spend jail time. She receives no money what so ever from her ex for the kids. So there is no way this cycle is going to end. I'm afraid she is going to get caught once to often and she will be doing some serious time. All because of her bad choice's.

She's killing me from worry?



LovingGuy LovingGuy
56-60, M
5 Responses Apr 5, 2007

Looks like you'll be raising your grandchildren too and God knows what they'll put you through. I'm going through worst. I know this was written almost 7 years ago, would like to know how you are doing now.

let er get on with her life she made the choices she has to fix them if she dont want to then its fecking tuff, if that was my daughter i would of turned my back, i have zero tolerance, yes i got a kid and she is good as gold but if she ever ****** up like that, i wouldnt want her in my life, she is in her 30's its about time she got punished for her actions

Hi LG,<br />
<br />
I just posted below you and made too many typing errors to boot.<br />
<br />
When a child reaches the age of majority. the parents are sunk, if the child is unmanageable.<br />
<br />
I'm sorry that such a bright girl was fooled into thinking she had a lifetime commitment with this jerk.<br />
<br />
I dislike to say it though, but she is a grown woman and must clean up her own messes.<br />
<br />
But that doesn't mean you aren't there for moral support. We all require that in our lives. I wouldn't have had so much trouble if *I* had input and support from my parents and 4 siblings. when growing up, so my dysfunction carried down to my daughter, I expect.<br />
<br />
Your daughter could find responsible people to guide her, not you--too close--in church, therapy, wherever, and whenever she has a turn around in her thinking and proves it to you, you would be there to praise her learning maturity and responsibility.<br />
<br />
Read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and see if her husband fits this common condition, that is becoming more prevalent, more in the news.<br />
<br />
You love her, you don't desert her; you support her, but try not financially, unless she earns that "treat' or of your own free Will, knowing what's at stake--her $$ dependence on you for life.<br />
<br />
good Luck<br />
<br />

I'm short of time here but I truly empathize with you. So many similarities. I ave 3 daughters and the reason I found this site is that I googled "my daughter is killing me" Our situations are different. Your's is actually better than mine in wome ways and worse in others. I'll get back on here later. I suspect you're like me that you just had to spew somewhere and then you picked up and went on. But as you probably know thats all you can really do. Step forward, realizing you're never going to have it work out perfectly. Sad so sad.

Dear loving guy, I feel awful on how the source of your discontent, is also the jewel of your crown. I am only 19, and profess that I don’t have any pearls of wisdom to share. From what I have read about your daughter, I can see that we resonate on many levels in regards to your ill judgment and uncanny ability to seek out the most fiendish men. Like you I fear that it might be a little too late to change her err ways. Perhaps the best thing to do at this moment is to shield her children from all this chaos; they deserve a good start in life to give them a chance of survival in the rat race. <br />
I hope your daughter soon realizes that the relationship she has with her parents is the truest relationship she will ever have, and I sincerely pray that she edifies for the interest of her children and herself. I hope she treasures the times she has left with you and will have to burden no regret.<br />
I pray that God rewards you thrice as much for all your kindness, generosity and hardships you have endured.