Remote Fathers

I have always wondered why my father has been so emotionally remote and uninterested.  I am a female in my 50's with a brother 9 years older.   My father has told us on prior occasions that his mother was remote and unemotional and that he had no father at all because he died in the war when my father was very young.  Does this mean he has to be an exact replica of his parents to his own children?.  I can be understanding and say, oh yes, he never had any affection himself.  This is a cop-out.  With my own children I am very loving, affectionate and take an active interest in their lives.  I went into therapy for years to learn how to love.

It has been a real shame for my brother and I who have never had a father who showed physical affection or interest in our lives.  He certainly has no problem showing affection to his second wife and their new daughter.  In fact, they are generously provided for in his Will.  Perhaps at some level, he does care, however, both my brother and I feel he just wasn't there for us as children or even today as adults.   We have tried to be understanding and compassionate but we rarely ever see any initiative on his part to pick up the phone or send a Christmas or birthday card.

Can any other fathers out there explain why a man like this could not make the effort to get some therapy for himself and act like a real father?



Littleflyer Littleflyer
51-55, F
Feb 18, 2010