My Troubled Teen - Help!

I have a almost 14yr old daughter, who has been expelled from Catholic School, and thanks to my ex-husband, was out of school for a month. She's now back in school, but I am afraid that she's going down the wrong path, she's been defiant, disrespectful, nasty, angry, and violent. This is not due to the divorce, this has been going on for years before I filed. The anger towards me is huge, since I left and I am not there in her house 7 days a week, and I'm not doing everything like I used to, she states that everything is my fault.

Well, just a little background, her father was abusive, I left after 15 yrs, he kept the house, cause, I hated it and he got all the debt to go with it. I see my kids 2x a week and every other weekend, so it's exactly split in half when it comes to time.

I think that she just needs time to get used to the change and except the change, but every time I have her for a vacation, things are great we have a great time, she comes home goes to her dads for 24hrs and all of a sudden I have huge damage control. He's chirping in her ear about my family (who he worked for, for the last 12 yrs), and how horrible I am, so at this point, I think that I need to find a boarding school where she can focus on herself and get away from all of this, or I think she's going to be in big trouble.

 

I would appreciate any feedback that anyone might have....

kitten0824 kitten0824
36-40, F
2 Responses Feb 28, 2009

Ive been there done that..unfortunatly the ex even after 17 years of not being with him still thinks he owns me..he cant get at me directly but he still calls our daughters......W.....es...s....ts..etc he still tells them that I am af%$$%ing W*^%..he has tried to take them off me through the courts many times even using their friends parents to say that I am a prostitute and drug addict........false of course..he never won ..he didnt really want the girls he just didnt want to pay child support...eventually the girls went and lived with him because he promised them trips to Bali and Disneyland, a horse each etc.....none of which he ever provided....t..they did not want to live by my rules as their dad would undermine me at every turn...he is too selfish..........everytime my girls got into trouble it was me they called and it was me who always coughed up the money to get them out of the poo.............<br />
All I can suggest is that you set some very strict rules not just for her safety but for your sanity...do not let her play you like a fool....teenagers need a paretn not a friend.........learn to say NO............tough love...if you have the means to send her to boarding school that might be a good thing however the most valuable thing you can give her right now is your time........and attention.<br />
cheers

He doesn't have primary custody, he got the house and we split time 50/50. He was abusive to me and not to the kids. My daughter even asked me why I didn't file earlier, but now he has more influence. I am bad cop and he is good cop. He doesn't even care when she pushes him against a wall and tells his to "F" off. I won't put up with that type of behavior. Now, it's just a waiting game with the mediator and court.<br />
I'm so sorry to hear about your first wife, what a tradgedy.<br />
I'm glad to hear that your oldest kids are doing well, I'm sure that it's difficult with your youngest and that's exactly what I'm afraid of, so all I can do is go through the system.<br />
I just don't understand the system, if a parent wants to make sure that their child is safe and you have to wait weeks even sometimes months, it might just be too late.<br />
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Thank You for commenting....