It happened totally by accident. We started out purely as friends who somehow just GOT each other. We'd exchange messages and IM ferociously, understanding the thoughts of the other without alot of explanation necessary. Worked beautifully for weeks - then one day, Pandora's box was taken off the shelf when she said she was have issues with a few guys in her life. I was naturally instantly sympathetic having endured plenty of strife, ups and downs and outright turbulence in my own existence. As a good friend would, I tried to help heal her wounds and during the midst of things we started to flirt. Namely around a certain body part, curiousity and chemistry led us to a phone conversation that despite it being the first time we had EVER heard the other's voice; quickly became so hot and molten that we could have given a volcano a run for the money in sheer liquid explosiveness. With her history and mine, we were both not really open to being involved. A FWB was a safer option for us, fastforward a year and three little words in a timeless phrase that is so simple yet devastating as the unexpected 'I'm pregnant' were spoken one day. Casual joined the Witness Protection Program as the machinery of my heart started to gear up.

Unexpected? Yes, regretted? Never. How I could I regret such words being spoken? In the wake of a bitter loss, those words were just the magic I needed to hear. I didn't care about things like the age difference: I just knew that the sudden emotional/sexual chemistry we shared soared WAY beyond either of our imaginations. We never planned it, we spoke casually enough but the allure of the raging heat between us meant that the conversation is but bound to take an erotic turn. I tried to avoid pushing and be the gentleman but for 6 years, I kept my desires locked in a cage and now those beasts wanted freedom. The freedom to run wild, free and clear without reins and the reasons to deny them were rapidly slipping away. I could easily imagine a lifetime of seducing and loving her, that thought along with the knowledge that she may or may not be ready is what drives me to keep on talking to new people even now. Knowing I will and could never replace her but feeling like I need to have some kind of option if it somehow goes south.

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Mar 3, 2010