I Am Building A Family

I have friends on EP who I love and care for,and fortunate enough to have come into contact with initially.The people in my circle,not all(no offence,some I added and never heard from again,but not a problem)but those who speak with me and always take time to remember with gift,gesture or note,are special to me,and are the people I cannot find afresh away from here,in life outside EP.I have spoken about my experiences,and know what I say is true is very hard for people to accept or credit in any way.Its often proved to be too much for some to take me seriously as anything other than deluded,lying or mistaken in my perception,and I can understand this.But it remains as the truth of my life,and I stand by every word.
Recently I have asked my female buddies if they would do me the honour(and I mean honour)of being my sister(s),bound by soul,honesty and love of each other,wanting whats best for each other and watching out for each other.And I have started to build a family of loving,kind caring people,amazing for their uniqueness and strength in fighting issues in their lives,yet able to see me for who I am.I havnt asked vlowery yet,but shes in whether she likes it or not.JUST SAYING :)And Debs is my oldest friend here,so couldnt get out of it anyway.Ab knows me and even speaks sometimes,louis graciously agreed shes in,Bluemoon who I saw here,and who she is,I wanted close to me and she said yes!TigerLilly,she knows what I think,I tell her enough,verrrrr,dont know terrifically well but love every bit of her I do,rc too,she knows she rocks,Emma,heart of gold and up against endless sh*t,and new today lw,who is with me ,to teach(I hope),omS,getting to know,and cat,who made my day when I asked her with her reply.
You are all women!I never set out with this in mind,but its true.All those I can really open up with are women here on EP.Its you who can accept me as I am.So this is from my heart to ALL of you,every single one,each special and responsible for making my life a better one.I hope if I havnt asked,you will either know anyway,or just come in as my sister.Im so proud of all of you,my sisters.
pedrohedgerow pedrohedgerow
51-55, M
10 Responses Dec 4, 2012

You are an awesome brother any sister could ever asked for Ped...:) xx

aw thanks lex,and theres plenty of room for you here,come in sis :)xx

Just smiled even bigger.

how come it took me so long to add you sis?!! Honoured if thats ok with you,lol ;)

Lol now that we've done it, you'll have to keep up! It's a challenge! ;) (and the honor is all mine)

the top half of me can never resist a challenge sis,its my cowardly legs that let me down! hehehe ;)

Lol...uh oh!

1 More Response

I have a case to answer regarding priestessblue/Andiecoyote,who is rightly p*ssed off at me over my treatment of her,which was uncalled for and ignorant of me.She has told me Im a fickle man and a jerk,which is a fair accessment from her experience of me.Ihave no argument against her,only to point out it was stupidity rather than spite/malice on my part,and I will do it here because Im blocked and can no longer reach her.I apologise princessblue,and hope you can forgive me for any wrong which I HAVE done against you.I never meant it to go this way,but I could and should have shown better concern for you than I did,my fault entirely.Its here for all to see,Im not afraid to admit when Im wrong,and hold my hands up to being so here.Im sorry princess,you deserved better consideration than I showed you.

thanks ways,appreciated.All the same though,priestess is entitled to feel as she does,and im in the wrong.thanks though,because im paying for my stupidity.

time for me to stand up louis,thanks x

thanks Ways,my brother.

Sometimes events happen in a way in which the truth can be constrewn many different ways,and are.Im not interested in others versions of what happened,Im interested in the truth of what happened with me,and Im sick of the bs being heaped on my head after I have done the best I could to admit I was in the wrong,put up an apology here for all to see,not tried to keep it under cover from others eyes.I NEVER two timed pb,we were flirting,but more.Nothing had been said commiting to each other,although I did mention to a friend I liked pb,but also said it hadnt really developed into anything serious.Fact,not lies.So when I apologise,sincerely,openly and without trying to defend myself in any way,and then Im attacked by the person Im apologising to,saying my apology was nothing more than self serving ****,that I need help for serious drug issues,and that as a user I am automatically a liar,thief and conman,and how foolish they were to trust an addict,Ive had enough.The apology was made,the apology was sincere,and from my heart.Calling me a liar,thief,conman and in desperate need of help for using drugs is neither true,fair or acceptable.If an apology cannot be accepted for what it is,and even its being made is used to hurt and villify me further than the anguish this mistake has already brought me,I say enough.You have passed from being wronged into wronging,and I wont have it pb.Im neither a thief or liar,nor am I a conman.If thats your view then take it with you,dont try to hurt me further with what has become twisted out of all proportion in your mind.I speak from my heart,and if you dont recognise it,then go,because we have no more words to speak.Dont come to me again with the bitter intent and malice which you showed in your mail yesterday,I have NEVER acted in this way towards you.When I hurt you it was not deliberate,it was stupidity.You made remarks to me which were spiteful,untrue and unfair.Go,Ive had enough of this charade now.I dont need you or anyone else to tell me who/what I am.If anyone doesnt want to accept me for who I am,if anyone thinks they are more genuine than me,that I play a game of words with no real intent or belief in them,then go,dont stay around me thinking Im a liar and deceiver.Im a human being,imperfect,fallible and prone to making some mistakes in my life,and I will say this,my mistakes are not brewed of malice or deception,they are the mistakes that everyone,no matter how nice,wise or kind they are,can and will make.Im a genuine person,and now Im genuinely p*ssed off at the whole circus.Its depressed me,made me feel a sh*t far beyond my mistake warrents,and Ive lost Tigerlillys friendship,which I valued very,very highly.But Tiger,if you believe Im not the person Ive tried to show I am in all the other times,if you think Im a liar,a cheat and conman,if you think this of me,then I have nothing more to say.I love you my friend,but this is not right.I would have given each and every one of my friends the grace of making a mistake,more than one,and if you dont value my friendship any more than I value yours,well,its not as I thought it was.Christ,its now got to where Im being forced to come out and defend who I am as a person,and thats bollox.If you doubt me,you are wrong,and will never see me for the person I am.**** it,I"ll spell it out,Im beyond playing the victim anymore,my pennance is done/over,and I paid heavily too.Im a considerate,caring and loving person,not f*cking perfect,but it seems some allow me not even their friendship after something I HAVE tried to sort out as amicably as possible.Louis even mailed bp to try to explain on my behalf,God bless her.The result?Vitriol and hate in a few lines.How does that sit with those judging me?Is it terrible of me to make a mistake out of admitted stupidity,but acceptable to then throw it back in my face,tell me that the third party involved was "probably married",and "deserved each other",?Seems I have to answer,to make sure the right answer is given.NO ITS NOT.Dont bother to try and extract any more pain from me,those who find me such a lying terrible cheat,and I would ALWAYS have listened to ANY of my friends,BECAUSE they ARE friends,and friends listen,try to help and understand each other.I offer this,not as a liar,a conman,but as the person I am.If anyone cant accept that,Im not interested in whatever it is they see friendship as being.ENOUGH,I hope Tiger sees this,sees what Im saying is true,and talks to me again.She has been a special person to me,and letting this tear us apart is ridiculous.All this over a mistake I have regretted from my heart.Ive had enough.Now I may be able to sleep,because this was clawing inside of me,is fair and true,and needed saying by me.DONE.

thanks cyn,ive had enough of being painted a monster for a wrong ive tried my best to right.bollox to it,enough!

that should have read"we were flirting,but NOTHING more,this poured out of me,and i missed the mistake.

thanks Ways,i cant believe all this.

Im very happy to add that priestessblue has forgiven me for what happened,and i retract all my words of anger too.We are friends again,and for me thats the perfect solution.Thank you princessblue.

well said cyn,lets all move on,thanks again pb :)

6 More Responses

That was beautiful Pedro, straight from your heart. I would be proud to be your friend if you'd like me to be. :)

GOTCHA!! :)

You did!! lol

:-)

lo D ;)

:)i am so glad that you think of me as family pedro. You honestly don't know how much that means to me for you to say that. I never thought i would have such great friends and now brother on here to communicate share hardships and good times with. You have made an impact on my life as well, i have never opened up to people much and now i can do it so freely thanks to EP and my greats friends/bro like you :) thank you so much pedro

Cat thanks for coming from nowhere to here,and Im always going to be your friend.Its thanks to you and my other friends for taking this as it was meant.

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

aww hooray! we are family <3

Im so glad to read this rc,I really thought Id upset you!*beaming*

nope you didn't pedro! :D it's very hard to upset me ^^

That is an incredibly ., awesome., sincere, post. Thank you so very much for being a friend .You know what I think you got your wings :)

Wondered when you"d drop in Debs!Any friendship should be two way,and we have that for sure :)

I wanna join

Jon,anyone who didnt want any of these people as friends should be certified! :)

You have always been in my family..Love you :)

i just didnt know it vlowery,you too and thank you :)