Not Trusting My Husband Has Ruined My Marriage.

I have caught my husband flirting with women, inboxing women on FB, saying he's single on his MySpace profile and lying about little things. When I confront him, he gets upset with me and turns everything on me. He makes me feel like crap. He starts arguments all the time. He is always working on how he looks, spends lots of time at the gym and stays up all night on the computer and erases history on the computer all the time. Gets calls from an unknown number. He tells me that I can't prove that he's cheated or cheats on me because he would never hurt our family.
I had cancer last year and now it's gone. But in one year I have been so stressed I have gained about 56 pounds.I feel ugly and am unhappy. I don't know how to feel good about myself. The thought of being intimate with him makes me sick, but then I get mad because he doesn't want me either.
He has taken a job in another city, which I am happy about....It gives me time to get advise and change my life.

alone2think alone2think
5 Responses Jun 8, 2012

alone2 think, I hear you. I'm so sorry you are going through this, and you are not ugly, you feel that way becos he is breaking you down, do you constantly compare yourself to other women-I know i do. You are not alone, the person I am supposed to be with has done terrible terrible things-and its always my fault-or there's an excuse. My mother almost died last year, I burnt out - and he was messing around. What I am trying to say is-in my life-I have for 8 years hoped, changed, believed things would change but they didn't, haven't. If he is prepared to go for counselling-then things can change if not-then you have to think of you and your mental well being-and I say this, becos I play PI and it makes me panicky and neurotic and I have burnt out 3 times, and he has been thinking with his lower genitalia. Therapy really helps me, and even if you feel you may need to get something from your GP just to help you relax do it-do whatever you need to survive at the moment. find what makes you happy outside of him-find you again. They will lie and manipulate, it will drive you insane-start living for you again-

Have you ever read the book I love you but I don't trust you?

Second, sounds like your husband is in a midlife crisis. Research the subject, knowledge is power.

First, work on YOU. Get a plan together to lose weight, tone, eat healthy and please do some self help. There are many really good books out on this subject, professional help would be very benifical. Once you have decided that YOU matter everything will fall into place, please believe me I have been there. Now I am really happy and still working on me (which is amazing, I was very unselfish) but know now that I do matter! Good luck, I will say a prayer for you.

How old is your husband? From his behavior, he seems like a teenager!<br />
Facebook and myspace are for adolescents who have nothing better to do with their time. If he is claiming he is single--that is exactly what he should be. <br />
<br />
LEAVE HIM.<br />
Make a plan: lose weight, work out, get your hair done (whatever makes you feel good) start spending time with kindred women friends, get a mani-pedi.<br />
<br />
Get your financial situation separate from his and then LEAVE HIM.<br />
<br />
He is a jerk that will never be faithful. Once a person treats you so badly, there is no hope for redemption. What would make him change? <br />
No matter how much you weigh or how bad you feel about yourself, YOU DESERVE BETTER. <br />
I don't care what you look like, you deserve love.