Frusterated

I'm 36 and I've only had asthma for 5 years but it only really ever bothered me when I was sick... Then in October of 2008 I noticed that I was having asthma attacks just a couple of times a week then a few weeks later I was having them everyday once or twice a day to start out... and within 2 months time it progressed to every 4-6 hours I was having them... it was frusterating because I didnt know what was wrong and we were living in Arizona and the doctors there would just give me a shot of steriods or antibiotics and more inhalers to a nebulizer... it seemed I was in the hospital or the doctors office once a week or more... and all they would do is give me more of the stuff they already gave me the week before.

My husband had lost his job so we had to move we decided to move to kansas and live near family... It wasnt till we moved here and I was still having the same problems in kansas that I was having in arizona that someone from our local clinic said I needed to see a specialist because I wasnt going to get better with there help... It was hard to do this because I had lost my insurance when I left arizona and so all the expenses were coming out of pocket... I ended up in february in the hospital I had passed out from a coughing attack and was having problems moving around and in general just breathing... It took all my energy just to walk across the room to the bathroom... I was scared and finally decided to bite the bullet and pay the out of pocket costs for a specialist... My appointment was set and was assured that the doctor I was going to see was the best in our area... Thankfully my husband got a new job right before I went to see the new doctor... the problem... his insurance doesnt kick in for 30 days... but I was still going to go.

My meeting with the doctors office was a new experience I first had to do a pulmonary function test to see how well I was able to breathe before and after a treatment... I had never seen anything like that before so it was all new to me... My meeting with the doctor after the test started out really positive... just asking me simple questions about my life... do you smoke?.. no I quit.. Does your family have asthma... how long have you had asthma... and then he layed it all out right in front of me... Now you have to realize the reason I'm about to be upset... I went from being able to fully function in my everyday life... to not being able to do the simplist tasks... folding clothes... cleaning... and working... things that others seem to take advantage of everyday that you dont miss till you cant do them anymore... I went from being fully independant to relying on my husband and my sister to help me with certain tasks... So the doctor now looks at me and says you have severe, severe, severe, asthma... your next asthma attack could kill you... I get angry because all the doctors that I seen before this did nothing... not once suggested maybe you should see a specialist... not one mention after seeing them for 2 months solid... nothing... and so I ask... ok... how do I fix it and get back to how I was before all this ... or will I be like this the rest of my life... I'm sorry this is the rest of your life... I'm so angry because I hate hate having to rely on others to help me... I want to feel and be normal again... the doctor assures me he can get me active again but for the rest of my life I will have to do treatments 2-4 times a day... I will always be on steriods... and now I have to have xolair shots a couple times a month for the rest of my life.

I'm no longer angry... just frusterated that it happened to me... but moving on and sucking it up and looking for others that live with this everyday of there lives to share with... I will be normal again atleast as normal as I can be... its the small things like going to work or playing and running with my dogs that I miss the most... someday I hope to do it again!

pimckenzie pimckenzie
36-40, F
Mar 16, 2009