I Want To Re-marry The Man I Divorced

Actually, I want to marry the man who he became after I divorced him. Sure, a lot of him is the same, but so much of him has changed. Dare I say he grew up? I know that he took steps to clean up his act, and he actually states his opinions now. There are so many things I miss about him, and so many new and exciting things about him I never knew. He is actually sharing himself with me. He has stopped walking around me on egg shells, as if he was thinking, "If she only knew what I am really like she would not want me." Maybe I should have listened to his friends and co-workers. When I met them they would tell me how much my husband would say I made him a better person and that he did not deserve me. I could not see it by the way I was being treated. So, I was willing to end our marriage. I was fed up with being married to a man who left companionship, friendship, and fidelity at the altar after he said "I do". However, after the divorce, I found myself looking for the qualities in him, which kept me trying to hold onto and mend our marriage, in other men. If the desired qualities of my husband did not exist in another man trying to have a relationship with me, I lost interest in him.

A part of me hurt so bad when I told my husband I would not be his wife any more. I could not figure out why. I thought it was the pain of having a failed marriage, or the stigma of being a divorcee, Surely it could not be because I still cared about him. He had not been trustworthy. He lied to me over and over again about where he was, who he was with, and what he did with money. I had wrongfully sacrificed and indulged in his sexual deviance, but he still did not become a one woman man. As he put it, "You said you did not believe in divorce, and I took it for granted that I could do what I wanted and never lose you." Wow, what a slap in the face we dealt each other, and now I want him back. He says we have some things to work out. He will not tell me what they are until we are face to face. We live almost three thousand miles apart.

It has been eighteen months since we have seen each other in person. We have been long distance dating for the last eight months. It is odd to date the man I slept with for eighteen years. We have been legally divorced for thirty months, yet I know him better now than I did when we were married. He told me he knew we would be back together again. I scoffed at him, and he told me he had to become a better person in order for that to happen because what he did was wrong and terribly unfair to me. Okay, that is the best apology I have ever received from a guy who has tread on me, and that carpet thing has been my general history with men. Since I know my husband's lying voice from his telling the truth voice, I believe him, and I find myself asking him if we can try again.

I miss my husband, and I love him very much. "If you love someone set them free. If they return to you they are yours. If they do not, they never were." I believe people do change, and losing something you desire can cause you to cherish it when it returns. I hope to be cherished rather than put on a pedestal this time around.
Sophora Sophora
3 Responses May 18, 2012

well im sure you still love each other and thats important and why not give a chance when it come back for you!

I am willing, if he is willing, and I am hoping he is. I am not perfect and he is not perfect, but I accept him as he is, and I give the rest to God to work out on our behalf.

well thats the best and Congratulation in advance!!!

All the best for your future

Thank you. At this juncture I have left all up to God. The man still needs to get clean. The changes I saw are not complete and he still holds onto a destructive behavior which will keep us apart forever. I am keeping my eyes and ears open for direction from God, and I have removed my heart and desire from the mix regarding my ex-husband.

What an amazing and inspirational story! How often do you get to see one another, living so far apart? Have you both remained single all these years? Did you always know you'd get back together? So curious! Best wishes for a happy future!

Thank you for your comments and response. I never wanted to be apart, but when we were married he lived like a single man. He does not seem to understand what marriage means. We do not have the same definition and have discussed this issues many times. It will take God putting this relationship back together as He defines marriage, which is how I define it to truly heal our relationship. Thank you for the support and kind words.

Sophora ~ prayer works miracles! It's good that you have faith. As we know, we have no control over others. By taking a stand, you have shown your ex that you and your marriage deserve respect. Good for you. The rest is up to him and Him. All the best!

Thank you!