Loving My Husband And Raising A Child.... You Want Sex????? Whats That?????

My Husband and I met about 19 years ago just out of high school. We started off being friends and I was dating his friend. We quickly realized we had an attraction for each other. In fact, when we would go places together, his friend (my then boyfriend), myself and him, everyone assumed HE was my boyfriend and not his friend. I guess everyone around saw the connection before we did. We had moved in together within a year of being together and were married after being together for 5 years. Our son was born 3 years later and we are one happy family.

However, after our son was born we struggled with intimacy. We were only having sex a couple times a year and communication was difficult. I blame this on myself. I have never been a touchy feely person and intimacy did not come naturally to me. Not to mention the exhaustion of being a mom. I have never had a problem with expressing myself to my husband, but he would never talk about his work days. I had thought we were fine. I personally didn't need the sex and figured if I was telling him how much I loved him that was enough. If I didn't need it, he shouldn't, right??? WRONG!!!!!

It took me 9 years to figure that out. Lucky for me, my husband is and was a good man and never strayed. Lucky for me he was patient and understanding. I never realized how my turning him down in bed was hurting him. I always assumed he understand what I was going through. I know now how much pain I caused him by not being intimate. I made him feel insecure and unattractive. He wondered what he was doing wrong, why wouldn't I touch him?

Well, the honest truth.... it was easier to say "not to tonight" and roll over and go to sleep. Then I wouldn't have to worry about how "good" I was, did it last long enough, is the kid going to wake up ... the excuses can go on and on... for about 9 years in fact. If I had only known now what I knew then, I would have never put him through that.

I finally woke up and decided it was time for a change.

One morning I was chatting on Facebook with an old high school buddy. I was the type of girl (and still am) that tends to get along better with the boys then the girls. So this buddy was a male buddy. We hadn't had a real conversation in about 15 years. I finally had confessed I had a crush on him back in the day, and he admitted to the same! We chatted and laughed all morning and into the afternoon. I don't think I would have ever strayed from my marriage, but it could have been close. As the afternoon went by, I realized that yes, this buddy was fun and this buddy made me laugh, but he wasn't MY HUSBAND! I realized I had a good man in my hands and why on earth would I stray from that?? Because another man made me laugh? DUMB!

So as I was in my own head thinking, I remembered this interview I watched that was of a couple that vowed to have sex EVERY DAY for a year. I thought, wow now that's a little ambition, don't think I could quite pull that off. However, why not step up my game and play a little with the man I married. I vowed (to myself only so I wouldn't disappoint anyone else but myself) that I would have sex with my husband a least 5 times a week. I would try my very very best to not say no. I would try my best to hold his hand in public, grab his butt every once in a while, give him a simple kiss.

So I did it... I took the leap. We were going for a little walk and I grabbed his hand. Lucky for me, he went for it and didn't refuse me. I don't think I would have kept trying if he had turned me down. And now a year plus later, we are that annoying happy couple that makes everyone jealous. You would think we were 19 again and had just met. But we are HAPPY and we TALK all the time.

I am still best friends with my buddy, I introduced him to my husband and he has become a good family friend. My buddy still makes me laugh and giggle and act like I'm 15, but so does my husband.

I feel like I am one of the luckiest women alive!!
JoeysGoddess JoeysGoddess 36-40, F 9 Responses Oct 1, 2012

Your Response


So happy to read when someone realizes their fault in a sexless marriage and CHANGES IT for the better. Wishing you and your husband a lifetime of affection and good sex!

I like to look at now that I "blossomed" instead of changed. lol

very nice add me please thank you

9 years wow...your husband is extremely amazing.

yes he is!

What a great story! This is one EVERYBODY should read!!

You got it - I wish my wife would. I admire your understanding of the situation and your determination to do something about it. I think my wife is lucky that I haven't left her, but then I never would. If she was disappounted in our marriage though, I actually think I would be OK moving on. I would be disappointed, and sad, but I think I would be OK. Here's why...

I've flat out told her that I need more physical contact from her to feel appreciated. I've told her how much it hurts when she flat out refuses to even touch me when we go to bed - even after I've been massaging her aches and pains and fully arroused myself. I've rolled over and taken care of myself more times right in front of her that I care to remember and she still doesn't get it. It makes me feel undesired and unappreciated. I've tried imposing the same thing on her, playing the roll over game, acting like I'm not interested, waiting for HER to finally make the first move - it never works because I can never play it long enough before I give in and snuggle with her if for nothing else than my own need for affection. then she complains she needs to feel loved before she can have a physical connection with me. I don't get it, and apparently neither does she. We've talked about having sex outside our marriage, myself being much more interested in it than her, but I certainly have no issue with her having fun if I'm going to have fun. We have a friend that flirts with her constantly, but like you nothing to my knowledge has ever happened. But I couldn't take it any longer, so I found someone that would help relieve my sexual needs and it is just that, a friend with sexual benefits. I don't love her, she doesn't love me, we just occasionally both need sexual release and we know how to help each other. It has actually made it easier to tollerate what is going on at home, and it doesn't affect my feelings for my wife at all - I am still just as attracted to her emotionally and physically as I ever have been. I can just sleep at night knowing my sexual needs and desires have been met, and not force my wife to do anything she doesn't want to do. I don't know if that is right or not... but it works.

That's wonderful, I'm so happy for you. I'm glad you two stuck it out and found each other again. May you have many happy years to come:-)

thats so sweet ...i am happy that you realised it yourself & its always better than never to change...& why not for a good hubby & friend that you have ...

Thank you for sharing this story with us! It is great to see how you were able to make a change for the better together. I personally love the sally in live couples who hold hands together and give little kisses hello & good bye. It makes me smile each time I see it.

Oh, what a wonderful story!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!!!