Loving My Husband And Raising A Child.... You Want Sex????? Whats That?????My Husband and I met about 19 years ago just out of high school. We started off being friends and I was dating his friend. We quickly realized we had an attraction for each other. In fact, when we would go places together, his friend (my then boyfriend), myself and him, everyone assumed HE was my boyfriend and not his friend. I guess everyone around saw the connection before we did. We had moved in together within a year of being together and were married after being together for 5 years. Our son was born 3 years later and we are one happy family.
However, after our son was born we struggled with intimacy. We were only having sex a couple times a year and communication was difficult. I blame this on myself. I have never been a touchy feely person and intimacy did not come naturally to me. Not to mention the exhaustion of being a mom. I have never had a problem with expressing myself to my husband, but he would never talk about his work days. I had thought we were fine. I personally didn't need the sex and figured if I was telling him how much I loved him that was enough. If I didn't need it, he shouldn't, right??? WRONG!!!!!
It took me 9 years to figure that out. Lucky for me, my husband is and was a good man and never strayed. Lucky for me he was patient and understanding. I never realized how my turning him down in bed was hurting him. I always assumed he understand what I was going through. I know now how much pain I caused him by not being intimate. I made him feel insecure and unattractive. He wondered what he was doing wrong, why wouldn't I touch him?
Well, the honest truth.... it was easier to say "not to tonight" and roll over and go to sleep. Then I wouldn't have to worry about how "good" I was, did it last long enough, is the kid going to wake up ... the excuses can go on and on... for about 9 years in fact. If I had only known now what I knew then, I would have never put him through that.
I finally woke up and decided it was time for a change.
One morning I was chatting on Facebook with an old high school buddy. I was the type of girl (and still am) that tends to get along better with the boys then the girls. So this buddy was a male buddy. We hadn't had a real conversation in about 15 years. I finally had confessed I had a crush on him back in the day, and he admitted to the same! We chatted and laughed all morning and into the afternoon. I don't think I would have ever strayed from my marriage, but it could have been close. As the afternoon went by, I realized that yes, this buddy was fun and this buddy made me laugh, but he wasn't MY HUSBAND! I realized I had a good man in my hands and why on earth would I stray from that?? Because another man made me laugh? DUMB!
So as I was in my own head thinking, I remembered this interview I watched that was of a couple that vowed to have sex EVERY DAY for a year. I thought, wow now that's a little ambition, don't think I could quite pull that off. However, why not step up my game and play a little with the man I married. I vowed (to myself only so I wouldn't disappoint anyone else but myself) that I would have sex with my husband a least 5 times a week. I would try my very very best to not say no. I would try my best to hold his hand in public, grab his butt every once in a while, give him a simple kiss.
So I did it... I took the leap. We were going for a little walk and I grabbed his hand. Lucky for me, he went for it and didn't refuse me. I don't think I would have kept trying if he had turned me down. And now a year plus later, we are that annoying happy couple that makes everyone jealous. You would think we were 19 again and had just met. But we are HAPPY and we TALK all the time.
I am still best friends with my buddy, I introduced him to my husband and he has become a good family friend. My buddy still makes me laugh and giggle and act like I'm 15, but so does my husband.
I feel like I am one of the luckiest women alive!!
JoeysGoddess 36-40, F 10 Responses 9 Oct 1, 2012