I Love My Husband, But At The Same Time I Hate Him..

I met my husband 3 years ago July 1st. I had just lost a man that I truely loved more then anything in the world. He left me on my wedding day and broke my heart so bad. I waited for him for 9 months. Crying all the time, hating myself , finally I picked myself up and started to move on with my life. That is when I met my husband , we dated a couple times and he proposed and silly me said Yes. I know now that I did this out of fear, the fear of getting older and living my life alone was scary for me and I saw this nice beautiful man and thought I could be happy with him.

Now almost 3 years later all we do is fight. We fight over money, we fight over where we are going to go to eat, what movie we are going to see etc. Not a day goes by that we arent fighting about something. He has recently started threatening me with he is leaving, he will go onto the bank and cancel the automatic rent payment and say he is going to take off and just leave me stranded. This causes me worry as our rent is very expensive and I cannot afford it on my own.

When him and I first met he told me he was a morman. I didnt care because each person has a right to there own religion. We talked about everything, we talked about ****, we both agreed it wasnt allowed if it was one person watching it. If we wanted to do this as a couple then it was ok. My husband said he felt if watching **** was done alone then it is cheating. I dont like **** at all. I have caught him 4 times on **** sites, on his phone, on his kindle. Each time he says it wasnt him and then admits it later and promises he will never do it again. :(

The fighting about money is the worse, his money is his and my money is ours. He doesnt make alot but still it should be mine too if mine is his , shouldnt it?

I do love my husband and I believe he loves me, We just cant get along. Any Advice ? other then divorce court? We both just turned 50 this year and I really dont want to start over.
sadlady62 sadlady62
46-50, F
May 25, 2012