I Love Him Because He Loves Me

He's been there from the beginning as the framework for my dilapidated house that was my heart and soul. Patiently loving me while the hurricane of my life blew. I looked into his gorgeous tiger eyes and told him I loved him when I didn't...yet...I wanted to. I felt his soul as he looked at me, as electricity shot to my toes with his stare, but I wasn't ready. He touched me in a way that was foreign to me. I needed to grow up a little...a lot. While pouring out my heart for another right into his wise ears, he'd listen giving sage advice, but never wavering. He even cried silently on my shoulder once after I'd sliced another blade to his heart because of another man. How foolish I was...too blind to see: Handsome, loving, kind, sweet, caring, accomplished and mine, but I couldn't see. I didn't want to see. I wanted someone else, who didn't give  damn about me really.  A souless guy after what he could get from me for the moment. His presence and physique blinded me, as well as his life's trappings which were really an acquisition of his ex-wife. I wanted love so badly, but real love was a close stranger. I was blind.

Love was what my Daddy long dead had shown me what seems like eons ago; Illusive, unpredictable, unavailable and slightly dangerous. That was real love to me, so please understand, I was sick. Men with those traits got my heart and soul without a fight. Men presenting with pure true love got their head's sliced off and handed back to them on a silver platter, with a pat on the back with a shove out the door. I tried to do this to my beloved, but instead, he drew his sword and fought me tooth and nail. He said literally to me, "my fire is bigger than your fire", as he searched my eyes, never wavering. I thought to myself, who in the hell is this guy, and why is he still standing here annoying the hell out of me? No, stupid, he's loving you. Fighting for you, against you, and holding up a mirror so you can see who you really are.

I've learned about more about myself being with My Love over the past 2 years than I have in a life time. It hasn't for one minute been easy, yet it's been beautiful. I've cried, yelled, screamed, laughed, moaned and talked with my Baby, and now I know...this is LOVE. The Love I've been looking for all my life is here, standing before me, next to me, in front of me, behind me, and inside me. He's my rock, my cloud, my shelter, my friend, my heart, my soul, my Man.

Funny, but I'm excited, and happy, yet afraid. I don't want to lose him...I almost lost him with my charade, my playa gaming, my foolishness, but he saw past all that, and looking into my center and saw the real me, not what I was putting out. You see, he's wounded, cautious now-a wounded soldier with only a fraction of the fight in him I once saw.

Yes, I love him because he loves me, but make no mistake, there's incredible chemistry here, fire, passion, and he's fiiiine, sexy, sexual, and mine. I can't believe it. He makes me tremble, scream, call his name, and my body does things I didn't know it could do.  Yeah, years ago, HE used to be a playa, and I was the one to steal his heart. He said he knew the love of his life would be a complicated, brazen, passionate, firey, somewhat problematic, beautiful, fun, smart woman...that'd be me.

How do I make amends? He no longer wants to hear the words, "I love you". My words don't mean much these days, but I need to show him with every movement, every touch, every act, every look. I've forsaken all others for him. Changed my phone number, and other moves... I did these things with ease as I've done for no other man. I'm not used to being in this position. I feel vulnerable. I feel humble. I want him to be happy. I want us to be happy together. I no longer want to risk losing him. He means the world to me.
TheRightFitforLife TheRightFitforLife
46-50, F
Sep 18, 2012