Mum Is Just So Draining

I'm slowly learning what it means to surround yourself with people that make you feel good.

Gosh, darn it, relatives you can't avoid altogether, without being drastic about it.

My mother is particularly draining. She has no idea that she's like that. In fact, in her self description she is wise, loving, supportive, understanding, deeply kind - in fact, the ideal friend. Just to add to the irony, she IS all of those things, in certain ways. But to tap into that, you have to go through so much.

Such as today, she came over for a visit - which is nice. But the conversation is so limited - and the tone is a whining one. 'My knee hurts.... my friend's let me down... my sister's don't include me... It's hard being a mother (this is the understanding side), I know, I had three (just to one-up, and like I wasn't there)...' Then, when the whining's done, comes the inquisition: 'So, how's __ (husband)? How's ___ and ___ (in-laws)?' Not that these are terrible questions to ask, it's the attitude, and unless floods of new information or confidences come forward, she mmmm's as if you've shut her out of your life, and don't care about her anymore....

So I try, try, try to think of something that I can DO with her, that she'll enjoy... There honestly is nothing. She can't stand for more than 3 seconds, because of her legs. Shopping is no good - she has no money and doesn't enjoy it. She irritates practically everyone, so I don't want her to meet my friends. And if, by some miracle, I DID think of something that she liked, she's just stay even longer, not getting it that you do the thing not to death....

And she just insists of hanging around waaaaay after I've had enough.

I didn't realize how much she irritated me until recently, due to some circumstances, I didn't see her and we didn't talk for a couple of months. I was a little surprised at what a relief it was.

Is this just me growing up, cutting the ties? A little late, if so. I just wonder if others have gone through this?
EternallyHopeful EternallyHopeful
31-35, F
11 Responses Aug 13, 2010

Yeah, some people are just like that I think. It might be possible to pull them out of their mood, but why waste all your energy, you know? I dont really have it to spare.

...although I try with my father because if I don't, I end up having an argument with him. <br />
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...it's odd, as soon as he gets to a dead end, when I'm playing Pollyanna, he side steps and finds something completely irrelevant to criticise...sigh...and poor ol' Pollyanna has to keep coming up with new ideas...so in the end I get so annoyed that I have to walk away...or have an argument with him anyway!

LOL - yeah... I'd forgotton about Pollyanna - good one Isshe. It is definitely harder with your own family.

Now you've found something that Isshe doesn't know... is there a Daria club?

You don't know Pollyanna talk??? Whoa! *grins*....nani, nani, nah, nah..I know something that GW doesn't know!!! Found this on EP...<br />
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<a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-Starting-The-Pollyanna-Club/553142" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a><br />
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Have a look....you must have read it or seen it as a kid...you have just forgotten.

Funny how it is possible to cope with anyone else's family but your own huh? I'm a bit of a bully when it comes to people with selfish personalities...I sorta point it out (subtly) or keep brushing it off with lots of lots of Pollyanna talk! lol...

Yeah? I think you might have enough bouce for two people LOL You're so bubbly, you might even like her :)

EH I'd love to meet your Mum...that's the first thing that popped into my head after thinking...this sounds a little like my Father...he annoys everyone too but he has no endearing qualities :/

I think you're right.

LOL!!! Yes, the filtering.... you'd never believe it was so much work, but it seems to take all my brain power... the (very little bit) left I use to try to think of something funny to say, to relieve the annoyence building in me. And you know - I can't think of a thing! <br />
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I'm sorry your mother never mothered. It's good when you're 4, by 34 it's a bit tired :D Yes, I think Mum has not cut the ties, and she has made no other meaning in her life, other than being a Mum, which is a bit sad :(

Really? Your mum too, hey? Wow, glad to know I'm not alone. I dont know how you cope! My goodness, a couple of hours for me and I'm just exhausted. It's the filtering that gets me - you have to filter so much of what she says for anything of any use... ugh! No worries about talking about your mother, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this. Has your mum not stopped mothering even now? Mine's a bit like that...