If Only I Could

that feeling of hurting someone that trust and loved you 100% is probably the worse you'll ever encounter in your lifetime. I wish I could undo that very moment when i hurted him. no guy has ever treated me the way he did before, messing around with a married that i thought i was somehow ''in love'' with only because he did something no1 ever did to me before. but because of this i lost the respect of many persons around me, including my mother. if only i could undo this but a friend of mine who has always been there for me told me that i shouldn't live my life wit regrets, just look at it as mistakes and learn from then. if i had listened to her before non of this would've happen. i want to cry but its like i have no tears.
if only i could talk to him right now, if only i could see him right now, but i understand that he needs his ti,e apart because honestly i know how much he 's hurting right now and i wish i could take the pain away but unfortunately i cant. i hope he knows how much i still care for him, how much i still love him, how much i anticipate his calls. he came into my life at a point where i felt like giving up, he didn't care what others had to say about me, he'd be there when i needed him, he'd never hide anything from me, he'll always let me read his texts , answer his calls, anything but sleeping with a married man was something i couldn't come straight to him with even though i wanted to. nothing would thrill me more to get a text from him or a phone call. i just wish i had one more chance to make things right with my life, with him, with my mom, everyone. i feel like giving up right now but i still feel hope is there for me to carry on even though i dont feel it.i am soo sorry for all those that i've hruted especially that man's wife, she hates my guts but now i really get why. i wish i had a chance to make things right with her now. i still pray because i have great faith in the lord, n i know he'll make into a better person one of these days. i wish i had my mother to talk to to just let her now how sincerely sorry i am for causing this much pain. if only i hadn't break his heart like this. I want a complete do over in my life. I wish i could be somewhere so far from home to help me forget about the person i once was.
honestly to most persons who will read this you'll wonder how awful i was at such a young age but i am not a really bad person, just been in bad situations that tend to get the better of me most times in my life. i wanna make things right now in my life, turn a clean page to a fresh life. even if he never speaks to me again which i pray he does, i'll have to accept his decisions and move on with my life. I was thinking about him, thinking of me, thinking about us what we gonna be, open my eyes yeah it was only just a dream.if only i could undo all that happened to me in my life. if only i could. I want to u to know that am not living life, not eating right  until ur here with me again.
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4 Responses May 6, 2012

Hi, care to chat?

For XXXX sake !!!! You are only a young girl. HE took advantage of YOU. It beggas belief that YOU get blamed for this. It was NOT your fault. He had a wife and kids and slept with you BEHIND her back. Doesn't take a genius to work out who the villian and victim is here. No doubt he has blamed everything on YOU and his wife has swallowed it all. Cheats don't improve. They are like wife batterers. He'll do it again and again. Just be thankful you didn't get in too deep with this man. It would have been YOU left holding the baby while he plays around with someone else. How would you feel right now if you were left holding his kids while he had affairs behind your back?? Like I say its not your fault :)

we all make mistakes. no one is perfect and as much as it hurts , and honey i do know it hurts, we can learn from these mistakes. Like little Lena said you were young and he was responsible to tell you about his wife. He wasn't truthful and you got hurt. <br />
I do hope that in time your mom will forgive you. It wasn't your fault for what happened. I pray that there can be healing. I know how much it hurts not to be able to talk to your mom. My mom has passed. so please honey.. listen to me.. don't take too long to try and talk to your mom. <br />
Sending you warm hugs and much love

i am so glad things are improving with you and your mom. that is the most important thing. You are a good woman and you have a wonderful future ahead of you. don't let anyone ever stop you from living each and everyone on of your dreams sweetie

I understand. I haven't been in the same situation but I've felt like that before. And still do now. My problem was the people I was around and their negativity. I have started a new page in my life and have made goals to not talk to those negative people but make new friends that will truly care about me and be there for me. Some days are harder than others but keep the strength and just know better days are still to come!! Yes it'll be hard at first but keep going, it's going to be ok :)