I Love My Mom But...

I can't deal with her some of the time. She can be so controlling, demanding and unfair. My sister and her children and myself are the only family she's got. She's been single for long long time and finds it harder for her to let me go. I'm turning eighteen soon and I sadly I still act like a teenager full of angst. And I hate it.

At that moment I feel that I am right and she's the one being unfair but she just wants to spend time with me which is why I start regretting how I act. There's a long story in which my mom ended up moving out of the house and living back in another city because of a fight between her and my sister and her husband. She didn't feel welcomed or loved so she left.

At the beginning it was really hard because we didn't talk as much but now we text sometimes and she visits every now and then but it's still not the same. I've had many people walk out on me and I don't need any more. I don't know what I'd do without my mom. Sure she wasn't really there for some of my childhood but it was because she had to keep working to be able to feed me and try to give me what I wanted. I didn't realize it as much as a kid but now that I'm older I can't be more grateful.

I want her to be happy. But I don't know if that will ever happen. I want her to find a man that will love and take care of her because my sister cares about our mom but she has issues with her at the same time too. I love my mother but I can't live with her always by my side and providing for me.

The truth is that I want to go to university, find a genuine guy, graduate, find a job, live together, get married, have children, upgrade into a bigger house and have my mother come live with us so she wouldn't be alone.

She wants me to live with her after high school but I need to stay where I am and work for a year so that I'd be able to have money for university. A part of me wants to leave everything and just start fresh at university where I can live on campus by myself but another part of me is scared to live off sorta on my own away from the comforts of my family.

I don't know how I can ever repay her but I think I should start with trying to be there for my mom like she tried to be there for me. I just don't know how to do that and I'm scared of losing her.
3v3RH4teD 3v3RH4teD
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 20, 2013

Maybe start by finding her a card that describes how you feel. Or maybe writing her a letter if you think you could do that.

I understand how difficult relationships with parents can get. My father is a passive aggressive (recovering) alcoholic and my mom has had a lot of emotional and substance abuse in her past that has affected our relationship in a big way.
I will say something that someone told me a long time ago and i didn't understand it until recently.

"You know you're growing up when you can admit to yourself your parents flaws and still say you love them more than anything."

I have faith that you and your mom can have a good relationship just by your post alone. My sister is 18 and still refuses to understand our mom in any way. Just take the initiative to try and be as understanding as you can be. You might be the only one that is. Keep communication as open and honest as you can and constantly show her how much you care. You don't always have to agree with her or understand her mindset completely, but try to always meet her halfway in communication and listen.

I garauntee your Mom will appreciate your love and understanding at the very least.

Good luck!

Thank you for your advice! It really means a lot to me that you commented.

Of course, hun! That's what we're here for.