I've Lost My Respect For Her

I love her for the sacrifices she made for me, for the love she showered me with when I was a child and for the hard work she put into raising me.

I don't like her for the emotional abuse she's put me through, for the heartless words she'd spoken to me when she gets angry, for the never-ending expectations she's always burdened me with, for not understanding my depression and how her words affect me psychologically.

She's never understood that I'm not unemotional. She's never understood that I'm a sensitive person even if I hardly show that side of me to anyone. She thinks that whatever she says, be it hurting or loving, simply passes over my head when instead, it pierces my heart and never leaves.

Anything that I'd done, thinking that it would make her proud would simply recieve a comment like "It could've been better." I've always heard stuff like "Why can't you be like so-and-so's daughter? Their parents must be so proud of her."

It's because of her that I have no self-confidence. She doesn't give me a chance to improve but gets angry or disappointed when I can't do something. Like, she didn't teach me how to cook, how to wash my clothes (we've got maids for that), how to even fold my clothes and so on, but she says things like "You can't do anything! What will you do when you get married?!". Hello, how will I do them if you didn't freakin' TEACH me?

I've heard stuff like "I'll commit suicide if you don't get straight A's." Trust me, she wasn't joking. And it's because of that that I panicked and now I'm sure I won't be getting straight A's.

Even though I'm more of an adult than she is sometimes, she doesn't understand that I'm still a teenager with a weak, sensitive mind. She burdens me with her problems. It's because of her that I still haven't enjoyed my life as a teenager. I've made sacrifices for her just to make her proud and happy. And what do I get? "IT'S NOT ENOUGH." Before I do anything, I always think twice because of her. But am I ever appreciated for it? Never. I'm more appreciated by other people than I am by my mother. She simply tells me that I'm worthless and won't amount to anything.

She tells me she had given me a chance to follow my dreams. But the truth is, all my life, she's been brainwashing me not to follow them. With her derogatory comments, her discouraging words and her own burdens, she's made me a dependant weakling who won't follow her dreams because she's afraid that it'll all go to waste. Other people atleast try, right? I won't even do that because of her. I'm following a path I don't exactly hate, but don't love either.

I don't hate my mother. I just wish she'd let me take a break. I've lost my "unconditional" love and respect for her.
DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 28, 2010

That is really hard to deal with, I know. I am almost 27 now and have been on my own since I was 18 and I still seek my mother's approval. She wasn't as bad as your mother, but I too heard things like "You could have done that better" or "You should have done more". If I washed the dishes without being asked, I got a response of "You didn't clean the counters?!" instead of a thank you or even a smile I was looking for. For one thing, a mother's approval is something a daughter will always seek, no matter what. So it's hard to ignore disapproval that comes even after you feel like you've done your very best. But try to step outside of the situation just a little sometimes. Try to remember that rationally speaking, you are doing the best that you can and that IS good enough. Praise yourself for what you do well. Don't listen to your mom when she says that you won't be able to be a good wife just because you can't fold laundry...marriage is about so much more than cooking and cleaning. In today's modern society, couple's do things like that together more often than not and believe me, it is not hard to learn to keep house. I mean, just google and youtube alone will help you manage that. But more importantly than that, your own self-discipline and motivation will do it for you. You're obviously motivated to do well, I can't tell that just by your grades, and I don't believe that all comes from your mother. You would have given up a long time ago if you didn't have the right things inside yourself to be a successful person. I also think it's worth mentioning that getting down to the bottom of WHY your mom is so negative may help you feel a little better. It won't excuse her behavior, but if you understand where it's coming from you may feel a little less heartbroken by it. Like, was she raised that way? Is it sheer habit? Or maybe her worst fear is that you'll grow up and BE successful and LEAVE HER. That's a HUGE fear for many mothers, and frequently some go as far as sabotaging their own children in ways to try to prevent it out of that fear. I know that was a lot of my mom's issue, especially after growing up and moving away and watching her reactions with my younger siblings as they do the same. It absolutely kills her when one of them moves out. Anyway, above all else, remember that you ARE a smart person and very capable of doing anything you want/need to do. I seriously can tell that just by how well spoken (or written, I guess) you are. And you won't always be a teenager living under her roof. Things will get better, so don't give up!

rosemi0 - "My mother told me a couple days ago that if I don't learn how to cook I'll never find a husband, or that I sleep so much its a given I'm going to flunk out of college." LOL. I hear that one too. -_- Thank you. Your words actually does help. <br />
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MrDiamondCutter77 - :O I'm sorry about your dad. *hugs*

My mother and father did the same thing...they never made me feel good enough, self-confident enough, a 99 on a test was only "pretty good". Because I based so much of my self-worth on what they thought, I began restricting my food and loosing weight becuase it was the only thing that made me feel good about myself. And eventually, it was the thing that I always used to get attention from my parents, whether it be good or bad.<br />
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Let me tell you something DarkAngel123, I have been in an out of therapy for two years due in part to the emotional abuse from my parents. And despite my hard work, overcoming an eating disorder with no support last year, and now completely depression free and as of today checked out of therapy...my parents still to this day do not think they played any part in my problems.<br />
They are still in denial that they have done anything wrong and that I created all my mental health problems for myself.<br />
You cannot let their opinions of you base your opinion of yourself. Do not make good grades for your parents, make them for your own self worth. As children, we think our parents are perfect and all-knowing, but as we grow up we realize that every parent has so many flaws.<br />
Base your self-worth on your friendships, on your teachers opinions of you, and on how you feel about yourself.<br />
You cannot let anyone tell you that you do not deserve to be happy, that you do not deserve to be respected or that you are anything less than perfect.'<br />
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My mother told me a couple days ago that if I don't learn how to cook I'll never find a husband, or that I sleep so much its a given I'm going to flunk out of college.<br />
But what it took me 2 years to realize is that my mother is just as flawed as everyone else, if not more.<br />
Have you ever thought that maybe your mother takes out her anger on you because by doing this she doesnt have to concentrate on her own imperfections?<br />
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Just a thought, hope this helps :)