Sick Of All The Minds Games...As the title states I love and respect my Mother as she has the right to my love as my Mother. She "was" a very strong and loving Mother growing up until I became a young teen or so. She always pushed herself to work and provide as much as she could. She and I never had too much to do with the rest of my family except on holidays as they had better uses for their time. Both of us were the outcasts and that was ok as long as we had eachother, right...?! Well, once I started having a live and mind of my own as I grew up, It started going down hill. The temper flew and some she doesnt remember so its usless talking about it. I know... the past is behind us and we should look to the future. Live and let live, forgive and forget, love and forgive....
I was dumb and thought that when I got married it would be better and I would move on and away, but for some reason I stayed close and am miserable even at the mear thought of being around her as shes not my friend anymore, she has changed into this crazy, manipulative, mind game that I play over and over.
Again I was dumb thinking if I have kids it will get better and it only gets worse, because she wants nothing to do with me and tries to make me feel guilty about the way I raise my children. My kids adore her as she spoils them with gifts constantly and acts like a little kid with them all the time while disreguarding our parenting and rules we have in place for the kids (in hopes they don't end up marred from this unhealthy person they think does no wrong).
I would love to be happy with our relationship, but even after I try and talk about it, I still get sick about the holidays and can't get in the mood to deal with it anymore. I used to love the holidays, but have let myself slip into a scroogy mood every year since the kids were a couple years old. My family doesnt deserve a dad you cant get into the season and be happy. Life is too short to be depressed and I need to move on.
Im joining the military soon and trying to plan a move down south a bit where I will be warmer and have more control of the situation. Its sad to feel this way, but I just want to have some distance between us so I don't have to deal with it anymore, well at least as much. I don't mind visiting for the holidays, and Ive been away for 6mos before and it wasn't that bad. I think we get along better when the expectations are less. Here's to hoping I can get this to work, before I lose my cool anymore.