Softened A Harden Heart

Almost 2 years ago I was in a loveless relationship.  He kept telling me my expectation were unrealistic and that I needed to except that this is the way things are.  Me being a recovering drug addict , I usually want something outside of myself to fix the way that I feel.  You can only shop and eat so much so I had a patient that came in with a service dog but her service was anxiety.  My signifcant other was against having a dog because when they die the pain is too great but what about the joy they bring?  I had not had an animal for over 16 yrs; that was a beagle puppy that we had a hard time selling while I was pregnant.  I came home from work and my husband at the time had sold her and I was devastated.  I did not realize that I had gotten so attached, neither did my husband.  Then I found out later she had gotten hit by a car which did not help matters any.  From then on, I did not have an animal. 

I found myself really wanting one and did a lot of research because my 16 yr old son is highly allergic.  I told my significant other at the time that if I had a puppy; it would help with my mood and depression.  Suddenly he was ok with it.  On this research I was actually trying to find out what kind of dog is on the picture of the Ceasar dog food, and somehow I came across Morkie's.  I fell in love with this breed.  At the time I lived in a townhouse with very limited yard space so these dogs did not require a lot of yard. 

I finally caught my significant other cheating on me and that is why he felt I had such high expectations.  The dog was not ready so since I found root of my issue I kept thinking to myself that I do not need this dog but I had already paid the deposit.  I had to drive to hours to go and get him and kept thinking that I do not really want this animal.  When I got to the lady's house and she opened that door, this small, brown, energetic poof come running to me;  it was love at 1st site.  I took that dog everywhere with me including out of the relationship that I was in.  My ex bought another one to try and manipulate me back home but it didn't work.

I moved in with a friend of mine who was also going through the same thing; we got our act together.  Several months later I met a wonderful man who loved me, my kids, and Cal.  We dated, got engaged, and married this past April.  I did not let this guy in so easy and he did not give up.  I remember sitting in the car one day when I was in between relationships crying, looking at the dog telling him, " I can't believe I let you in my heart." 

Now I am a major softie for all animals.  I have always liked animals but now I am an advocate.  I can't watch the Humane Society or ASPCA comercials without an emotional break down that I still try to hide.  When we had pups, I had one that was born barely breathing and tried to do everything I could to revive her until the vet showed and I couldn't.  It was devastating as well.  The vet said, sometimes there is nothing you can do.  The mother dog kept running to me looking at me like for me to do something and I couldn't .

So if you are afraid of getting attached, let it go.  It is so worth the joy and laughter they bring.  I have seen a change in my children since having these dogs.  They are my family and I love them.
staceylee099 staceylee099
1 Response Sep 20, 2011

What a great story, ever thought about writing for Dog Fancy magazine? Glad you made it through the rain with your new dog, love Jo