I'm In Love With My Roommate

So... I had recently moved in with my best friend whom I though I was starting to have feelings for. I thought it would be ok..we were just good friends. Instead, I've fallen even MORE in love with him! It hurts a lot, but I can't pull myself away. I haven't told him, but he'd have to be a blind idiot to not know. Sometimes I think he has feelings for me too,  but it could just be wishful thinking. He could just be reciprocating the flirtations because it boosts his ego. I'm not really sure. I don't know if I should tell him or not. I don't want to ruin our friendship or make our living situation awkward. It's such a weird situation. I mean, if I think about it, we're practically a couple but without the intimacies. I mean, we do almost everything together. We flirt a lot, and when we're at home watching tv we cuddle on the couch. I don't get it. Anyone else in the same boat?

lookingforinsight lookingforinsight
24 Responses Apr 2, 2008

Exact same situation. I know this was a long while ago for you but, what happened?

Same here :( It is tough!

I met him through work, we were colleagues and worked VERY closely with each other for 50 hours a week plus socializing at business lunches, dinner, and events. He is way older than me (11 years) so I think he sees me as more a little sister.

He is so amazing and makes me smile, makes me feel safe and comfortable and most importantly encourages my self esteem which no one else in my life ever has so it means the world to me. Oh not to mention that he is exceptionally attractive, stylish, charming, charismatic, and has his **** together.

I moved in with him after his other roommate moved out about 4 months ago and ever since have really fallen for him. Before I was living with him I just thought he was a cool friend but now that I am with him 24/7 it drives me absolutely crazy.

I am very domestic by nature, and I am a very caring person so if I like you I want to give you everything I can and do everything in my power to make you happy. So that is what I do for him and sometimes he is demanding and it can be exhausting constantly tending to him making food, cleaning, laundry, etc on top of my own business that I am starting up I also am working with him to get him on his feet too.

We do everything together, always together I wake up he is the first person I see, and the last person I see before I go to sleep (sadly alone in my own room).

I also recently found out he is still talking with his ex-girlfriend like...within the last month which when I met him a year ago he told me it was over with her so I was shocked to find out.

I'm currently in this situation. The thing is, I have a boyfriend, whom I also love. :(

You really love him take him somewhere romantic at night don't ask if he love ask him to kiss if he says yes. Then later take him on a vacation ask him to sleep with you. Whatch a romantic movie in bed ask him how he feels about you if you don't get answer you want don't give wait then purpose. You will be surprised. That is my boyfriend and I got married.

yes I feel what your feeling, but my roommate is a lot younger then I. And I have been in love with him for a very long time now, I told him how I felt months back and he said he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. It seems like he gets jealous or up set when I go and hang with friends (girls) lol, I just he would get over the fear or what ever it is holding him back. good luck

Oh boy, I am experiencing some what of the same thing. I moved in with this guy I really didn't know all that well. The first few weeks sparks were flying everywhere. He was such an awesome guy and still is. I have confessed to him after 3 months of living together that I have strong feelings for him and he seems to feel the same but he's scared we have been living together now for almost 6 months and he treats me like his girlfriend but hasn't officially labeled us yet cause I think he's scared still. I'm going with the flow and being patient going at his pace . If someone else comes along great because I'm not waiting on him to make a decision. I don't think he's scared all that much I think he wants to be a player and have me too which I can't let happen no matter how much I love him.

If you really love him he is worth the risk

I feel u. my guy roomie loves me too. he's a good friend but there's no attraction and I can't help that. we both want diff things. He's bro comes over and is making remarks as to why we haven't hooked up all ready?! What should I say?! I don't want to **** my roommate off because he'll prolly get offended. I'm at a loss.

I am in the same boat.
I live with one of my sorority sisters and the guy I like (who is in our brother fraternity). He is the sweetest guy I've ever met, and he always knows how to make me laugh! He is constantly coming into my room when I'm busy doing work and I try to make him leave, but he never does, he just pulls up a chair and watches me work. Don't get me wrong, I love when he comes to hang out with me, I just tell him to leave because I know if I pester him enough he'll stay with me. ;)
I'm an art major and he just watches me work and asks questions about what my pieces mean. He seems really interested in it and he's always telling me how much he loves figuring out the symbolism.
He can always tell when I'm upset and he does everything in his power to make me happy again. One day I was worried about my grades towards the end of the semester and we were sitting in the living room together and he asked what was wrong and I refused to tell him because it wasn't a big deal. He kept saying he'd buy me ice cream, but I had to get out of my PJ's and I just wasn't really in the mood to go anywhere. So he said he'd be right back. He left for a few minutes and came back and gave me a huge bag of chocolates. I was like "wha? what is this for?!" and he kissed me on the forehead, sat down next to me on the couch, turned on a chick flick and didn't say a word. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. He didn't keep asking what was wrong, he just made it known that he wasn't gonna let me sit and be sad.
We also started this thing where if we're really bored at night, we'll go in my room, cuddle in my bed and watch classic Disney movies. Those are the best nights because we always get into tickle fights! I know this may sound weird as well, but I love when he lays in my bed with me because once he leaves my pillows smell like him and believe me when I say he smells SO good!
This past New Year he kissed me at midnight. It was very cute. :) I noticed he specifically stood next to me, because I tried to avoid him at first to see if he'd follow and he totally did! :)
He's hinted a few times that he may have feelings for me-I mean, it's hard to say because we're best friends and I can't tell the difference between us being dumb or being flirty!
He also goes really out of his way to touch me. He knows I'm really ticklish and I'm really weird about people putting their hand on me and just leaving it there-and he always does it! When we're driving somewhere he'll always put his hand on me-it's usually my upper thigh and in my opinion, people who are "just friends" don't do that. I wouldn't just do that with anyone, but what do I know? haha
He finds any reason to touch me and I love it. It makes me feel special! He has really big hands compared to mine and he always puts his hands on my face and holds my head. That is the best feeling ever. I feel like everything is right when he does that.
I'm just worried that since we live together if I'd ever say anything it would ruin our friendship. We literally hang out 24/7. When we're not at our apartment, we're on campus getting lunch/dinner together. We go out to eat all the time as well, I feel bad, but we rarely invite our other roommate along. :/
Since Valentine's Day is coming up, I'm really hoping to come up with some cheesy way to tell him how I feel, but like I said, I'm so worried about what could go wrong that I'm not willing to take the chance to seeing what could go right.

Go for him

I'm in the exact same situation what started as best friends and being inseparable has become a very intimate but beautiful relationship. <br />
<br />
I am gay and he's straight but we share a bed together and cuddle every night...I told him I love him and he has never directly implied it but slowly he's starting to show his mutual love through his actions. <br />
<br />
We cuddle and watch movies together and the secret seems to just respect boundaries and allow breathing room in some situations. Ie occasionally he wants to do the str8 guy thing and enjoy female ****, let him do his thing abd give him the time he needs. In the end this can strengthen the feelings you have for each other while not making it weird.


Same situation. We've been living with one another since December 2009; have known each other since 1999. I was in a relationship until March 2011. He has been in an off and on one since then, as well. She's super controlling and manipulative (not attractive on the outside or inside). He is a very quiet, gentle, sweet person... very shy; open with three people and I am one of them. This past August, we were being goofy and texting one another while inside the same house (dorks) and out of the blue he breaks out with "Sometimes I want to sleep next to you." I freaked out and responded with something along the lines of "Time for me to sleep." Total blowoff, I know... but I was just completely blindsided. Things were awkward for the next couple of weeks, but nothing was ever discussed. Still, nothing has been discussed and it's March 2012. I cannot say anything to him (can't/won't) at the risk of ruining what is most important in any romantic or platonic relationship --THE FRIENDSHIP. However, I am truly in-love with him. It's a very real, deep, sincere love. It's become so excruciatingly painful for me that I have began looking for other places to live. What to do?

...and? now? what did u do ?? i am curious. What has happened to d both of u ?

Im in the exact same situation... what todo except im the guy... we hang out and sit up all night talking about random topics having a glass of wine. I invited her to watcha movie the other night and she stole the couch and said u can lay on that one and i giggled and turned around and said or we could share that one..she said " OK!" and like she put her pillow on my lap and fell asleep watching the movie :D was cute. and the other day i was in my mates room with the aircon laying in thier bed and she came in and laid next to me and fell asleep for like 3 hours... only thing is... my housmate that i live with.. its his GF's sister... and we all live in the same house.. myself my best mate, my best mates gf and her sister... eep wtf do i do... i reallllly wanna tell her i like her but i dont want to make it awkward... tbh im almost tempted to start looking for a new place to live.. and jsut telling her i like her well... that im deeply in love with her and have been since the first time i saw her... RaWr... so frustrating... i think i should just tell her...

I'm also in love with my roommate. His names is Linc, and he's gay. It's a weird situation. I even wrote him a love song.

I am in the same situation. I live with a French roommate for over ten years now (she is 37). I can't help to really really fell in love with her because she is totally beautiful from the inside and out. I am a retired software engineer (I am 50, btw). Financially I am completely independent and secured, I really like to start a family with her.

Perhaps it was a mistake, the other night I couldn't help myself to confess to her how I really feel about her, but she totally rejected me. That really hurt a lot :(

Over the ten years, I have been a perfect gentleman, I have never made any advance to hurt her or anything, I am a very responsible roommate, I pay my share of the rent on time as always, I keep the place nice and clean all the time, and btw, I am the de facto IT person to keep everything runs smoothly. I know I will be a perfect husband.

I really don't know what she is looking for. :....(

I am in love with my roommate. I live in a house with four people, three guys and me, and I have fallen in love with one of my roommates. He is so smart and so sexy. I told him a few weeks ago that I thought he was sexy and it led to us fooling around. Last night he came into my room after our roommates went to sleep and we wrestled for a while before turning out the lights. I am in love with him and I want to be submissive to him everyday. I enjoy doing his laundry for him and cleaning after him. I enjoy taking showers after he does. I enjoy watching the sweat glaze his muscular body after he gets done riding his bike. I enjoy when he talks to me. I enjoy hearing his laugh from two bedrooms away. I enjoy seeing him in a towel early in the morning before we ride together to school. I enjoy closing my door so that he is forced to knock on my door when he needs to tell me something. I enjoy opening the door in my bath robe as if I just took a shower even though I didn't. I enjoy using his toothbrush in the morning. I enjoy walking into his room when he is gone. I enjoy living here where I can be so happy.

i don't think you should be using his toothbrush

I proof read what i typed above good luck figuring it out.

We were subletting a room in my apartment. A girl looked at it and wanted to move in. Her boyfriend then was leaving for hi home country and he lived for a few days in her room and left. She was devastated. She became great friend with my other room mate in whom she confided that she liked me. I did find her attractive but no feelings....yet<br />
I was just getting out of a horrible relationship. And i was a mess.<br />
One evening all the room mates go clubbing, she corners me in the club and kisses me. I respond and we take the party home but since her brother was staying over no home runs were hit. No feeling for her yet.<br />
My third room mate leaves and is replaced by another. Her and I spend more time together and one night after a few drinks...home run.<br />
Wait did I mention the day after clubbing she goes out on date with a "greek god" and can't stop raving about it. A lil jealous but i did not care.<br />
After home run, she corners me a few times and we repeat exercise. Continues to go out with greek god. <br />
Her brother moves in because of a bad fight with their dad and she starts sleeping in my room at night because i have a big bed. Two home runs over two months. We begin to cuddle at night and i begin to have feelings for her. <br />
Brother tell me that she is sleeping with greek god too. <br />
I was still hanging out with my ex occasionally (guess what she was my co worker...lol)<br />
She tell me that she really likes me but cant go out with Week 1) cause i still l have my ex in my life week 2) cause i am not a US citizen and i might leave the country 3) Cause i her instincts tell her not too. <br />
BTW she still slept in my bed after her brother left...every night. Greek god and her have fights and she spends more time with me. <br />
I wake up one day and realize that I am in love with her. Tell her....she brushes it off.<br />
<br />
I did do little things like bring flowers etc surprises etc etc but i guess she wanted someone with whom she could have more attractive and less hairy progeny.<br />
<br />
10 months of her sleeping and cuddling in my bed (no more home runs from month 7 onwards...just cuddling. I would try to score but got spurned) i find my self respect( well only when new old-enuf-to-be-father-guy comes into her life and takes her on a few dates, which she lies to me about until i see the guy and confront her.)<br />
I am really attached to her and really do love her and cant get her out of my head. I finally told her today to stop sleeping in my room and that i would move outta as soon as i cant afford too and it would be hard to be friends.<br />
There is not point to this story. But if u ever start have feeling for your room mates move the **** out and then see where it goes.<br />
And **** her for all the hippie "meant to be" bull **** she fed me. <br />
Sux *** to be me right now....really does. I am idiot for being in this position.

Yikes... I've recently found myself in a very similar situation (without the cuddling). I have a new roommate who is 10 years younger than me and I'm starting to have feelings for him. He's super sweet and does lots of nice things for me, but keeps his distance and is very respectful. It's a crappy situation for me because, like "Johnny" describes, the last thing I want to do is make him uncomfortable in any way. If you really cuddle on the couch, then I honestly believe you have a chance. As for me, I'd better get these thoughts out of my head or risk losing a really great roommate. :-(

Oh my! I'm in the exact same siituation as you. My roommate is new, and he is 10 years younger. So nice, and polite. I may have been thinking it was because he had a crush on me, but I guess it's wishful thinking :(

Hey i am in a house with 2 other of my best friend that I've known since high school and a girl who we all knew from college and has moved in with us this year. We are all graduating and she has another year and a half left. one of my roommates has a serious girlfriend and my other roommate who i have know since i was 8 years old is single. So the girl roommate and i hit it off very well and we hung out a lot at the beginning of the semester.. it eventually progressed into a relationship in which we have both expressed deep feelings for one another, I feel like i am falling pretty hard for her but things in our house have gotten weird with my other roommates. I have talked with my roommate who currently has a girlfriend and he says he understands how i feel but is still dissapointed that the vibes of the house have changed and my roommate who i am involved with is feeling bad about the situation. I don't know what to do because both she and i have strong feelings for each other but also feel that it is unfair to make things different for the rest of the house. I am in love with this girl and feel terrible because i am making her feel more awkward with the rest of my roommates. We also only have the house for less than 2 more months.

I'm currently going through a similar experience....wondering how you are doing now and if you have any insights...<br />
thanks =)

omg...completely similiar situation as OP. I am the guy though that has feelings for her. ALL of her friends, my family, friends, all say we act like a couple. And now that I really look at it, we do. When we are together we act just like a couple...without the intimacy. <br />
<br />
Same boat about the living arrangements. We are planning on moving in together shortly. 2 bedroom of course. <br />
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Things have been mostly platonic but the last 8 months she has been more and more flirty with me. I try not to respond to it but she does it more and more. Another example of her trying to boost her ego???<br />
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I have the feeling that we could be potential mates but then again if we don't then I can understand maybe we're just good friends. Make sense??<br />
<br />
Anyway, whats the situation like with both of you now?

Thanks, I'd like to tell him how I feel. I just worry about making things awkward..especially since I live with him. Anyway, I'm holding onto the hope that if it's meant to be, it'll happen.

been there honey...done that.follow your heart and nothing else.it worked for me.for a little while anyway....not to discourage you.

I just googled for something like this, and man am I very happy to find it. <br />
<br />
I don't think I can answer your questions directly, as I am in the completely opposite situation as you -- I am the guy who's female roommate is in love with him, but maybe we can help each other out. <br />
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Firstly, I wouldn't necessarily come out and express your "love" for him. I put that in quotes as I've since learned that you are in an incredibly unique situation, living with someone you have feelings for, which quite frankly, may not be there if you weren't, in fact, spending so much time together. I would suggest letting it all play out, and if there comes a time when, for instance, you go out together one evening, have a few drinks, and come home and "explore" your feelings when you get home together, then that would be the most likely instance his allegedly subdued feelings would express themselves -- both physically and likely verbally. So you could try that if you really believe he is interested in taking it further. (I do find the couch cuddling a promising sign for you, however) <br />
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The reason I don't suggest expressing your undying love for him is because, essentially, this is what is happening to me. I have no interest in reciprocating her very quiet advances, and will likely reciprocate her flirtations purely out of courtesy--but it is terribly frustrating and annoying.<br />
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We spend a great deal of time together (as we're both new to the area and don't have many other real acquaintances) and we get along superbly -- however my nice, easy going personality I'm afraid is badly misinterpreted. A few months ago she mentioned one night out "if we weren't living together, do you think there would be any chance of us...blah blah blah" I said, no, she took it badly, and I thought that was it. It was, I thought, but it's very interesting in a manipulative sort of way that she makes me feel like **** for not showing interest in her. So, yes, very awkward at times. If both of you have feelings for one another, they will come out in due time, trust me. I have had so many thoughts/chances to do just that, but I don't, because I know deep down I don't want to. I know it would just be terribly uncomfortable and weird the following morning. <br />
<br />
Basically I'm an f'in gentleman and she thinks I'm her prince charming. It sucks.