My Son Gives Me The Strength To Go On.

I have a four year old boy who unbeknown to him has the power to pull me out of the darkest pit I may fall into.

When he looks at me and holds my face with his two little hands and gives me the biggest sloppiest kiss ever and says to me " I love you mum", I can feel  all the pain and suffering inside just melt away. 

It has been a year and a half that I have separated with his father.

 I spent many nights just looking at my precious boy while he peacefully lay their sleeping, and the tears just streamed down my face, feeling so sad and guilty that I had to make the painful decision  to break up our family. 

I know he is so young and would not be able to understand the reasons why this had to happen, and I hope that one day when he is much older he will forgive me for not having his dad around.

As I stand there watching my little boy crying and reaching out for his dad when he is dropped off and asking for him not to go, I can feel my heart just ripping into pieces. I never wanted this for him but I had no choice in the matter and it is for his own good that this had to happen.

When I hold him in my arms after his dad has left and look into his big blue eyes filled with tears and confusion and he sadly whispers in my ear " I want daddy and mummy together" I just feel like someone just stabbed me in the back!

I tried to explain to him the best I can to calm him down and always tell him how much we both love him.

I would do anything in my power to spare him from the pain and suffering as he is the innocent victim in all this.

There is nothing more sacred than the love a mother feels for her child.

My boy is the air that I breath, there is not a day that goes by that I do not thank the Universe for the precious gift that has entered into my life.

Whenever I am feeling down, worried or concerned about my future...all I have to do is look at him and then I know that everything will be fine, that I would move heaven and earth for him to be safe and he will nothing but love and security in my arms.

I just want to say thank you my little boy for giving me the strength to pick myself up from a devastating mess, you certainly are the wind beneath my wings!!!

I will always love you.
Wiltingflower Wiltingflower
46-50, F
7 Responses Mar 30, 2012

You're a good mom and he will grow loving you as you are. My kids are older but they witnessed all the turbulent scenario while growing up. I can't allow it to continue. They understood why. I don't have to explain because they were the silent witnesses of the ordeal. Your son will love you more because you did it for his own benefit.

True love is like a tree, start's small then grows bigger, as the time passes. Giving all your love now, will stand in for the times when your child is an adult ,when he might not get love. He might forget your words, never you: but your love will cause him to show love. That is the gift he has learned from you.Dont dwell in the past.Every month send your child a card. He will then have something to keep to remember you, to remind him of his Golden Days with you. My Mother lost a child aged 18 months old and never forgot them. Just as your child will never forget you.

I know sepration is never been an easy decision and the worsr sufferers are the kids. But being a mama's boy i know ur decision will be for the best future for ur son.i am sure he will understand u and will be with u like a pillar of ur existence.

I can tell from your article/posting that you are a wonderful mother that knows it's been tough on your son not having his dad around all the time. I truly commend you for trying to ease his pain in ways little boys understand and not big people terms! Like MagickMama777, when my parents divorced (actually the whole time from 3 years on as they fought a lot) I was thrown into the adult problem world so their problems became my problems. I was an only child and was privy to way too much that I shouldn't have been. I too understand with my adult brain that their problems were theirs, but my child brain was better equipped to not deal with them and it's affected how I view them to this day (love them but too aware of their faults). I think the way you're handling these problems with your son is absolutely wonderful! I hope your ex-husband appreciates you for not demeaning him to his son and recognizing that while he wasn't a good husband, he is a great dad (I'm basing that on your son not wanting him to leave). The way you just adore your son and watch him with awe and wonder melts my heart! It takes a strong woman to do the right thing in a marriage even though in the long run (sometimes short run!), it's the best for everyone. To try to sum this up, I admire you and think you are a wonderful mother!

Awww. What a beautiful and Touching story. Thanks for sharing that experience with us.

Thank you for your comment it means a lot too me.

Recognizing these things sais alot about you as a mother. My parents seperated when I was 8 and I never herd the things your son is hearing. It makes a difference, and you are a good mother. I heard all the problems, and grew to hate my father for all the wrong reasons. As I got older I felt guilty for not looking past those things and seeing him as my father inslead of my mom's ex-husband. We have since grown closer, but I fear we will never have the healthy relationship we deserve. Keep being good to your son and only tell him what he needs to know.