My Teenage Son Is Testing Me

my teenage son, nearly 14, is testing me daily. im not sure what to do about it or if even to do anything about it. he is the second eldest of 4. i am on my own since seperating earlier this year. i really dont think its anything to do with the split. he seems to thrive on causing arguments(i'd call him a bit of a stirrer), he's really clever and in ways manipulative. dont get me wrong, on a good day, he is the nicest lad you could ever hope to meet. say or do something that he doesnt agree with and he flares up. he was tested for ADHD three years and it came back borderline at home and negative at school. as the behaviour has to be consistent across settings, he came back negative. he does not seem to know how to interact with his two younger sisters, 5 and 2. when he is around them, esp the 5 year old, he always teases her every chance he gets and winds her up at every op. more concerningly, his 5 yr old sister is starting to copy his outbursts when she hears the word no. im beginning to struggle with ways to discipline him - i ground him, take away the laptop, call his dad (who he sees regularly).. but hes a big lad and getting bigger and i very much feel i need to nip this in the bud now. Incidentally, I have very rarely smacked him ever. Sometimes I think thats what he needs but it would not have any impact anymore. His older sister ,16, is fed up with the way he talks to and treats everyone in our home. Any ideas???
chalky74 chalky74
36-40, F
1 Response May 12, 2012

thanks officer joe for your story. lately he has gone to live with his dad, not sure how long this will last. i feel his father can be too severe,regimented and uncaring at times but maybe he is needing this at this point in his adolescence. I miss him so much and feel guilty daily that I wasnt able to be the parent he needs.