Another man came by with his two children, maybe 4 and 5 or 5 and 6 - but no older, and sat down to read the paper while they played. The park has a rock wall (5' high) a few slides and walkways on this giant playset. Plenty for them to do. As they were playing his daughter 9the younger one) started climbing up a weird ladder where there are no rungs from one side to the other, only footholds on each side. She made it almost the whole way up before she lost her nerve and started calling for help from daddy.
His first reaction was to tell her 'figure it out' which I thought was hilarious, until she didn't move for a few minutes. The other parents started milling about until daddy showed up to help. Heres the thing, when he gets to her he doesn't pick her up, he stands there and tells her how to solve her problem. At first I thought that was pretty cool and cruel at the same time because you could tell she was crying...but eventually she was able to climb all the way up w/o his assistance...
that's all back story~
A little later both of his kids came over to the swing set where I was pushing my son and tickling him as he went past, and they just kinda stared at us... at first I didn't know what to make of it, but when I spoke to my wife about it, she agreed that they were looking at us because they were jealous.
Jealous of a dad playing with his kids. if you could've seen their faces...it was like they were hungry... I don't know. I can't fault the guy for trying to make his kids self sufficient, or wanting to enjoy the day at the park while his kids play...but to see their faces, you'd think that's not the way to go...
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Posted by Webster9 on Jun 2nd, 2008 at 10:05PM
I almost want to cry when I see Dads like you spending time with their kids.
Be proud of yourself every single day, because you're giving your kid something that is priceless, yet he'll always remember it and cherish it.
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Posted by doitagain on Jun 2nd, 2008 at 10:23PM
i'm no model dad. but i know how to pal around @ the park :)
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Posted by Storm000 on Jun 3rd, 2008 at 9:54PM
I know exactly what you mean, I try to strike the same balance between encouraging them to problem solve whilst still loving them and being their Dad. When I take my boys to the park, a playgym or wherever I'm forever swatting other children off me! They see my playing with my boys, want the same, and are all over me! Gets a bit awkward sometimes. I feel sorry for them, but at the same time - I'm not their Dad. I'm here to play with my boys, not someone else's kids. Sometimes I feel a bit bad, but again - I'm Dad to these two little munchkins, no-one else.
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Posted by doitagain on Jun 3rd, 2008 at 10:28PM
i'll tell ya storm, it definitely was awkward!
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Posted by IntoxicatedDesire on Jun 19th, 2008 at 10:43PM
This is a great story. Sad too. Websters comment is great. Be proud:o) What the other guy did was great for his daughters development but he needs to get in there and rumble with them. My dad used to chase us around and help us along with things that were a little harder and when we rode our bikes through the park he would chase after us and make sure he was invloved. You sound like a great Dad! And i'll tell you now... its the little things like a push on the swing or throwing us into the pool that i remember most!
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Posted by doitagain on Jun 19th, 2008 at 11:12PM
I agree, there's a need to teach your kids to be self reliant. Your dad did right giving you those memories to cherish. I hope that when he thinks of me later in life, some of this stuff is floating in his mind...
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Posted by IntoxicatedDesire on Jun 19th, 2008 at 11:16PM
My dads my hero. And when i talk about him people say to me.... you love and respect your dad very much don't you. I get really emotional. I am learning about 2 great dads on this site and your one of them. Your son will will be very proud of you when he's an adult...
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Posted by Loveisallaround on Sep 13th, 2008 at 12:51PM
Every parent sees things in a different way. Sometimes we respect their technique and other times we wonder What is wrong with their way of thinking?
I was a parent that would get on the swing next to them and swing along. When they were younger, I was always there with my hands at the ready to shoot out and catch them. Even if I am around a toddler at a party, I am always watching and at the ready.
I see now that my youngest, 19, still expects me to watch over him and catch him before he falls. I wish I was a little more like that father at times. Not all the time because I love to play. But I see that my over protectiveness and his depression is causing him great difficulty as he enters the adult world. Now I need to encourage him to solve his own problems, but it is so very hard for a mother to let her baby fly on his own. I am trying and pray for him more then he would ever suspect.
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Posted by naranja on Feb 10th, 2009 at 4:39PM
Wow. A very interesting story. I kept thinking you were going to conclude about how it's better in the long run to teach the kids to deal with stuff... but that last bit was touching. It's so hard to choose between the two sometimes, so hard to know exactly how to mix them. Thanks for sharing. :)
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Posted by seismicunloc on Feb 12th, 2009 at 8:50PM
Great story!
I was a stay-at-home dad for 3 years before going back to work about a year ago.
We would always visit the park and for the most part I feel like I err on the side that you do - making sure we have fun together.
I don't see why parents can't do both though. I think there is a time to get your children to figure things out on there own and also a time to just let loose and have fun with them.
Either way, I think the most important part is being involved.
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Posted by Abooklover on Feb 12th, 2009 at 11:26PM
There needs to be a balance of course in self sufficiency and spending time, they are two different things though.
You have to keep a perspective about it, I wouldn't ever dream of telling a 2 year old just starting to potty train to "figure it out" and likewise I don't follow my 13 year old around checking his homework and backpack. It depends on the age, situation and developmental abilities of the child. Not a black and white issue.
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Posted by waterfawn on Feb 18th, 2009 at 9:17AM
I am a tough love mom. My step-son is completely helpless because noone has ever made him try. So I am seen as the wicked step-mother when I make him fend for himself. All he has to do is whine "it's too hard" and someone is there to do it for him or give the answer. Now my four year old is starting in and I don't give into him either. I don't cut the crusts off my kids sandwiches, I don't clean their rooms, I don't smother them with instruction... but it in no way indicates that I don't love my kids. I tickle, tease, read to them, take them to the park, go all out on birthday parties, have sleep overs (even when I can't tolerate their friend),etc. I think it's all a matter of balance. Giving them every tool to figure it out on their own and then knowing when they've reached their limit. It's always more convenient to take the worn path but where will it lead them in the future?
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Posted by riggaroo on Mar 1st, 2009 at 1:00PM
It is a treat for me, as an adult, to see Dads with their kids, playing and interacting. I am an adult and even now when I see this, i nearly choke up. It is something I missed growing up and seeing it makes me wish I had the opportunity to have a Dad when I was growing up.
So thanks for being the cool Dad that you are!
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Posted by childoftheland on Mar 5th, 2009 at 12:33AM
I really enjoyed this story and the comments that followed. Thank you everyone - I appreciate ep more and more everyday (I am still relatively new here).
By no means am I the perfect mother, but I find that my child responds well to direct involvement (he is 6), and letting go when he clearly needs/is ready to try it on his own.
I have also noticed that (like me) he has some perfectionism in him and he sometimes is unwiling to try something he is not 100% sure he is capable of doing. It is times like these that I remind him that it is ok to fail, but waiting for perfection that may never come can mean missing out on a lot of fun. With that, I always make sure that he gives it a try (with obvious safety measures in place). We also do this around food - he has to try everything at least once. If he absolutely hates it, I don't make him eat it. This has worked well, as he now loves bell peppers, artichokes, avacados and many foods that really surprise me given his age.
I love raising my son. It is fun, challenging, and basically brings me more joy than anything else in the world.
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Posted by LoveMyCombatMed on May 22nd, 2009 at 11:17AM
My Husband Hasn't Seen Our Daughters Since September. Not because Of Choice but Because the Army. He will be home in 6 weeks an Can't wait to See His Daughters. Props to you for being Yet another good father.
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Posted by Egyptian on Jun 9th, 2009 at 8:41PM
I'm 28 years old, and I still can't listen to songs or watch dads who love their kids. I guess I'm not so alone.
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Posted by DesertBreeze on Sep 26th, 2009 at 8:56PM
The poor kids to feel jealous.... I mean, their dad did take the time out to take his kids to the park to have fun though. Just sometimes kids want to have fun WITH their father, not just on their own.
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Posted by speedoflight on Oct 14th, 2009 at 10:03AM
My W and I hold our kids accountable for their actions, so they learn that actions and choices have consequences. However, that doesn't stop the wrestling and giggling right when they're supposed to be going to bed :) Fine model of responsibility, I am.
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Posted by MostonRat on Oct 26th, 2009 at 10:03AM
I have a son but unfortunately we only see each other on holidays but we speak everyday, when hes with me we never spend a moment apart but he is 10 and very much like me, he doesnt have the same relationship with his mum or her partner, it depresses me when parents dont take the time to spend with their kids when there are dads like me who have to cherish what little time we have!
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Posted by EUGEL01 on Feb 22nd, 2010 at 2:07PM
That's definitely not the way to encourage small children, that's how you frustrate them and lead them to believe everything in life should be a difficult challenge. That age should be the age of trust, when children know their parents will always have their back.
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