Mommy's Little Peanut

That's what I used to call my son. The happiest day of my life was when he was born. I do have other children who I love so much but the first one just because of the whole new experience is well just different. He used to look at me like I was a God or something, he would just make me melt.He loved me so much. I couldn't wait to wake up to see his beautiful little face and spend every second of the day with him. I love him so much. He is now a grown young man, not married yet but somehow he changed. We talk but my heart breaks I don't know why he is so distant. I almost feel like he is resentful or something, I wish I knew. His Dad and I are still married but it's not a good marriage. I think that might have something to do with it. I feel guilty that maybe I should have left his Dad years ago instead of staying in a marriage that was broken. I thought I was doing the right thing but maybe not. I have talked to my son about it but got nowhere. Just remember these precious little children see things and hear everything. It can do harm to them. I'll probably always have that guilt whether it's from the marriage or not because I could have made a difference, I should have left. My husband would say go ahead leave you'll end up in a trailer somewhere, with nothing.Always make me feel that I couldn't leave. I was so stupid. Now we are probably going to separate. The kids are all grown, not really what I thought would happen after given him the best years of my life. I always put everyone before myself, was a stay at home Mom, cooked like crazy, baked, cleaned, took care of parents, gave the kids the best life I could...but would it have been better if I would have left?
dumbwifee dumbwifee
51-55, F
3 Responses Jun 12, 2012

Sorry for my bad English at first.<br />
When we were expected our first kid I sed to my wife's doctor what is it (boy-or girl ) and he told me 99 /100 is a girl .then I told him thanks that you give me at least 1/100 changes . After 4 years finally a miracle was happen . My wife again pregned and when I hearted from the doctor the goog news I was flying .we say good health to have the kid and girl or boy no mater but my son is remin my myself .thanks

Hunny,<br />
My heart aches for you. Sigh.<br />
Having your son view you in such an uncaring way is devastating. Don't give up on your relationship with him. You should go out on a "date" with him, have some cocktails and confess your feelings. Trust me, he'll open up completely.<br />
Let the healing start.<br />

No point wondering what if. AND.....the best years of your life can be the next 25, if you let them. <br />
<br />
I know what you mean about the love you have for kids. I never really understood the meaning of love, until they put my first baby into my arms, the first time. I suddenly knew that I had never known what it meant to love with every fiber of my being, before. As much as I loved my parents and my husband, it paled by comparison. I was in total awe of this tiny being.