Mommy's Little Peanut

That's what I used to call my son. The happiest day of my life was when he was born. I do have other children who I love so much but the first one just because of the whole new experience is well just different. He used to look at me like I was a God or something, he would just make me melt.He loved me so much. I couldn't wait to wake up to see his beautiful little face and spend every second of the day with him. I love him so much. He is now a grown young man, not married yet but somehow he changed. We talk but my heart breaks I don't know why he is so distant. I almost feel like he is resentful or something, I wish I knew. His Dad and I are still married but it's not a good marriage. I think that might have something to do with it. I feel guilty that maybe I should have left his Dad years ago instead of staying in a marriage that was broken. I thought I was doing the right thing but maybe not. I have talked to my son about it but got nowhere. Just remember these precious little children see things and hear everything. It can do harm to them. I'll probably always have that guilt whether it's from the marriage or not because I could have made a difference, I should have left. My husband would say go ahead leave you'll end up in a trailer somewhere, with nothing.Always make me feel that I couldn't leave. I was so stupid. Now we are probably going to separate. The kids are all grown, not really what I thought would happen after given him the best years of my life. I always put everyone before myself, was a stay at home Mom, cooked like crazy, baked, cleaned, took care of parents, gave the kids the best life I could...but would it have been better if I would have left?