What Do I Do...

This week had its ups and downs... Monday I wasn't at school because I had a field trip with the art club to an art museum. It was pretty fun but I would've rather stayed at school with Mr. H. Tuesday was okay; a normal day I guess, a few smiles and glances between us as usual. I was going into my science classroom and I noticed he was talking to the teacher of the classroom across the hall from us and he smiled really big at me before I walked in there.Wednesday I had an exam in another class and they called me and one other girl in my Latin class down to another classroom to take it. That made us miss a review for a Latin test we had the next day. Thursday the class took their test and the other girl that missed the review and I sort of sat there awkwardly while everyone else tested. After everyone finished taking the test Mr. H. told the other girl she needed to take the test tomorrow and she said okay then he looked at me and said something along the lines of "-my name- you're going to take it tomorrow too right?" He winked at me quickly right after he asked me that. I smiled and felt my heart skip as I said "Yeah I am." Then he smiled and looked away as if nothing happened. I couldn't help but to wonder if the wink meant something or it was just me over-reacting about something little.

That night though I was talking to my cousin A. and we were talking about the test in Latin. Eventually our conversation changed topics completely. She began talking about a teacher at the high school getting a b***r a lot when she was in his class. I was a little wearded out by that so I asked her who it was. She said Mr. H. I played calm (although I was extremely far from it) and said "Oh really? Like when?" "Well today he was handing out papers and when he stood in front of me it was just there in my face and I couldn't help but to look." She said. "Ah, why do you think he got it then?" I asked still trying to stay calm. "I don't know but it happens a lot when I'm there." "I don't think your boyfriend would like the fact of you staring at a teacher's **** now would he?" I said, losing the control I had. She didn't reply to that text message so I just dropped the phone. I was so disgusted by her just wanting him for that one thing. I went to bed that night so angry I didn't want to show up at school the next day because I didn't even want to look at A.

Friday I ended up going to school just to see Mr. H. First period went well, Mr. H and I smiled and caught eyes a few times during notes. I ended up not taking my test because I didn't have time at the end of class. I saw him outside of his classroom talking to some of his other students. I smiled at him and he smiled back. I noticed him watch me walk to my locker and third period which was a bit different. Usually he would go back into his classroom shortly after I finished at my locker. I didn't see him much after that except a few times in the hallway.
After the bell rang at the end of the day, I saw A walking with her boyfriend down the hall. I walked past her with no eye contact at all until I heard her ask "Are you going to the meeting?" (Talking about the art club meeting) "We don't have art club today" I told her. "Oh, well do you wanna go to see Mr. H with us then?" I knew she just asked me that to get on my nerves "I'll pass." I said angrily. I knew it would have been a waste of time anyway because he left early. I watched them walk up stairs and I went home.

I really don't know what to do anymore, if she's not lying about him having a *ahem* yes, a lot around her then maybe he wants her... I really hate thinking about it but I don't know how to look at it any other way if that's the case... He really doesn't strike me to be that type though. I can't see him being one of those guys who want a girl just for one thing. Maybe she is lying and maybe she just wants to make me jealous. I know she's a natural teacher's pet and I'm just stuck in the background being the stupid shy kid.

What do I do you guys? Do I just give up on him and stop dreaming? Or do I hold on to hope? Around A I feel like she has a better chance with him than I do the way she talks about him... Please comment with some advice if you have any. Thanks for reading as always.
SchutzEngel95 SchutzEngel95
22-25, F
2 Responses May 5, 2012

yeah...she's lying, I dont believe it. She's just trying to annoy you, Im having the same problem, i understand how frustrating it is.

She does a good job annoying me sometimes. Lol. I'll. Just learn to get over it and ignore her. :-)

Oh, she's totally lying. No one gets a *** in the middle of class just from looking at a person. Other people would notice him and he would be perverted because that's disgusting. She just wants to rile you up, so don't worry about it! <br />
<br />
To be honest, none of us in this group have a good chance of having a relationship with out teacher. There's 900 of us in this group and pretty much 3 have stories about something actually happening with their teachers. It just doesn't happen - they're married, engaged, too old, too distant, or too scared. And whatever this is - whether it's just silly girls having crazed crushes or inconvient love - it's gone in a second. Once we leave school, the feelings subside and we move on. And closure - closure is almost impossibel to get because we can never really define what the feelings were in the first place. <br />
We would all be better off having wrinkly, old lady teachers. It would save us some time and some pain.

Yeah, I think she Is just trying to make me mad. But it gets to me sometimes you know? Mr. H Isn't married and I really don't think he has a girlfriend. I really really like him and I don't see myself moving on from him anytime soon. I've already planned tha I'm going to write him a letter explaining what I feel and how long I've felt it, and give it to him personally graduation night after I graduate. I feel like if I don't do that I wound be able to get any sort of closure after I'm done with school. I need to know eventually if he feels the same or if he doesn't.

Good for you, that's not something a shy, quiet kid in the back does. I wish I were that brave.