Never Knew She'd Love MeSo what happened today? What amazing thing came to being I must share with the world? Four students and myself were invited to my teacher's house to discuss the essay we have been writing over the summer. I was so nervous, I love her but I didn't know what would happen..
In April, after electronically telling her a year before of my feelings for her, I went to her in person. She was very nice, understanding, and saddened to hear that from being yelled at for it online I feared she'd make me change schools or something. She never fully expressed her feelings,but I didn't press her. For the two years before that knowing her, she helped me through so much but I wasn't helpless. We talked like intellectuals, friends. We hugged only once, her instigating it, when I was dealing with an ordeal with a friend no one should have to worry about.
This time, I got up to leave and hugged her. But my mind always plagued with doubts about what she really thought about me. What I meant. Meh. I know I am not her husband but I just wish to know better how she feels. I mean she's like fifty, friendships with such an age gap are hard.
So I'll tell you what happened when I went to her house. She opened the door and she happily greeted me. For some reason, I stopped since she did too. Another kid was already there sitting at the table in the other room. She smiled and said "do I get a hug? " I was surprised. I wanted one but what did this mean? Was she trying to just be nice to me because of what I said? Doubt it. Think she legitimately wanted to hug me but idk. Seriously, I find comprehending anybody's gestures very difficult so it was no surprise.
I hugged her of course but I didn't feel like an emotional connection like the very first time I never do much anymore. Maybe it's typical.
The other people arrived, we talked, we ate, and soon it was time to leave. She walked with me to the door and put out one of her arms. I gave her a quick hug and then she told me we'd see each other soon :)
None of this is anything I expected. Don't get me wrong, she pleasantly surprises me. But I guess I never could tell how things would end from reading these sorts of things. I know teacher crushes aren't special, but maybe my situation is. She is a female ok less common. Fifty something and not particularly pretty or charismatic or whatever. I told her that I like her a lot and she listened. But finally, it's drawn us closer. In the world of the Internet it looks like this is a perfect fiction but it's not. Nobody posts about the good, they post about what could be, what the teacher is going through etc.
I guess I want people to see my story and learn to forget the assumptions and make the most of any relationship.