My Confession

I won't say I'm in love - because I'm not.
And I won't say I miss you - because I don't.

All I'll say is sometimes - only somtimes - I dream of you. I dream that you're still here, standing in front of me, lecturing about a chapter that nobody has read yet, and occasionally - just occasionally -resting your eyes on me.

I won't admit I love you - because I don't.
And I won't admit that I think about you always - because I don't.

All I'll admit is sometimes - only sometimes - I see you. I see you in the store or at the mall or in the hall, and I run towards you.
Only to realize it's not you; it's a stranger. And eventually when my racing heart calms down, I shake my head and say, "How stupid. You're gone, moved away - never to return again."

So why can't I stop seeing you everywhere?
And why can't I breathe when someone says your name?
And why can't I forget you - like you've forgotten me?

But I won't confess that I wish you were here - because I don't and you don't.
And I won't confess that I love you. I don't and I never did.

All I'll confess is sometimes - just sometimes - I stand in your old room and run my fingers along the empty shelves - imagining that your books are still there for the taking. And I sit in my old chair and close my eyes and see you standing there, smiling. And I imagine you leaning against the desk, waiting, "Well?"

I won't say my heart is breaking because it's broken.
And I won't say that I miss you because everyone (including you) already knows.

And most definitely, I won't say that I love you because I don't - or maybe I do - but honestly what would it matter?
What would it matter when you're all the way down there and I'm stuck here - waiting and hoping and wishing for you to say something - anything.
Just like that day - our last day - when I walked into your room and said "I wish you weren't going."
UtterChaos UtterChaos
22-25, F
7 Responses Sep 8, 2012

This is amazing. Made me so emotional. For my story, I'm basically banned from contacting her ever again :(

This is lovely' i have a male teacher of 3 years and this is my last year with him . I just

This is beautiful - so rhythmic and smooth

I have just read this story for probably the tenth time. It's an amazing story and everytime I read it, it gets better and I tear up everytime. You can feel the emotion and voice in this and I can only guess that even the people who haven't "loved" a teacher can relate and feel something while reading this. I just had to tell you how great it was again, I know one day you'll be a writer.

I should say author, you're already an writer

I love this! I can relate... he hasn't left town but we don't have any more classes and I wander the halls and the streets around campus hoping, praying our paths will cross again, hoping that maybe, somehow, he will gaze at me with fresh and curious eyes and see me yearning for him and respond with a smile, a touch, a kiss...

This is so brilliantly written. And I can't begin to feel the pain that you're going through, but I can image how heart breakingly horrible it is. I truly am so sorry about what you're going through right now. Remember that you have people there for you, and if you ever want to talk to someone, I'm here.

Well written story, I'm sorry about what you're going through, Message me I thought you were never coming back and I panicked hahaha, But yeah message me.