I believe I have found my TF. I'm a lesbian and I'm one of those people that believes TF's can be found in any sexual orientation. TF is about energy. Not gender. Well...here it goes. My TF noticed me on 1/10/13. We have been communicating for about 9 months. It felt like heaven on earth when I had that contact with her. We met on a social network and I believe we connected really well. Like almost instantly. It took me about 7 months to admit to myself that I was in love with her, even though I was in love with her since the day she recognized me. It seemed that we had a lot in common with each other. There were times where I wanted to give up on her. I wanted to give up because I felt that I was hoping for this in vain and that it will never happen I admit, I got scared a little bit. I fell in love like this before and that experience was too tragic and I didn't want to repeat it again, but for some reason I ended up repeating it anyway. I'll get to that later. Anyway. I was sitting on my couch thinking to myself that this was impossible and as soon as I felt that in my soul, that's when I got a tweet form her! It was like she heard me. Like she didn't want me to give up on her or something. This kind of thing happened more than once. It was weird. I wanted to quit on her but for some reason my heart wouldn't let me. It was too intense and too deep for that. September of last year is when we stopped communicating. It was that weekend of my birthday when she announced that she was getting married. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I just broke down in agony and disbelief. I called my grandmother balling my eyes out that day it happened. So you know how my birthday went. :( Her friends were laughing at me and rubbing her engagement in my face like it was so funny that I was in pain like that. She literately betrayed me and humiliated me. How can you forgive something like that?! I have a very hard time forgiving her. About 3 months after we stopped talking, I started to see the 1111 phenomenon. I started seeing all kinds of different number sequences like 111, 222, 333, 444, 1141, 1212, 211, 811, 1222 1221, and so forth. I also hear and see her name pop up from time to time. Made the mistake again by talking to my parents about this, knowing they wouldn't understand. They basically said that I was obsessing and that I needed to go see a shrink. How insulted was I. Anyway. I also see signs coming to me in letters. Like our initials are doubled lettered like RR and PP. You flip them around and they mirror each other. We haven't spoken for like a year now and it's making me wonder if this is really all in my head because she's going about it like nothing never happened. Like I'm not hurting behind this. I have never had a physical relationship with someone that I had feeling for and I feel that I never will. I feel that they universe is playing cruel jokes on me and doesn't want me to have the satisfaction of being with someone in that way. I felt that the universe was leading me to this woman and I got hurt again in the process. I said again because I went through something identical, like I'm repeating a lesson here and I don't know why. I sometimes feel her energy, at least I think I feel her energy, and it doesn't feel good. I feel guilt and sadness coming for her. I don't know if I already said this yet, but I hear people tell me to listen to your heart because that's you truth. Well. It's hard when the person you think is your TF isn't acting like they even care. We also have an 11 year age gap. Isn't that number a TF number? It has been a very rocky road for me. How can I know if this woman loves me if we only met and connected on a social network? Maybe I'm being delusional. Like always. My ego is tormenting me while my heart is telling me don't listen to it. My head is telling me," Let it go! It's not gonna happen!" And my heart is saying," It's gonna happen. Wait. Listen to your truth." I have done a lot of research during the past year and it has been confusing me even more. I'm confused!!!!!! Damn I typed too much! lol Please feel to leave any advice if I haven't bored anyone with my long *** story lol Thanks for reading my novel. :)

P.S I'm new to this site.
rayray87 rayray87
26-30, F
Aug 20, 2014