Struggling With My Wife Who Is Cheating, And Now Wants A Divorce

Me and my wife have been married for 9 years.  We have 4 beautiful  kids, a home and good jobs.  We have had our issues, but no cheating.  Recently, she has had contact with a friend from high school that she never really knew.  Now, after only 2 weeks, she texts him all the  time and when I go to work they spend hours talking to each other.  My wife tells me it is nothing but she also doesn't share what the  nothing is. I found out that she went to see him and was at his house all night long when she said she was with friends.  I have had all this trust in her and now  I find it hard to have.
It got to the point that I said that  if he is a guy he will eventually try to woo you away, but she said no.  She at one time agreed that to stop talking to him to include texting.  She was not able to it.
With in 2 days, she has decided she wants a divorce.  She says she needs her space, with him.  I love my wife.  She said that she has been lonely and I haven't tended to her needs in 9 years.  She also doesn't want to work on us anymore.  She says that it is too late for me to "show" her anything.  This guy has stepped in and was able to convince her that he is worth more than nine years of our marriage.
She says that she has tried to communicate with me, always feeling that she has to initiate sex, plan dinner etc.  I know that I haven't showed her that I really do adore her, love here and want to be with her to the way she needed it.  I don't know why.  But now, I am able to communicate with her.  It might be because of the fear that she could actually leave, i don't know.  I don't want to fight with her over this, we are going  to get counselling, but until then, she keeps insisting that we are done.  I am so heartbroken and emotional because I really didn't know how bad she felt.
So, what can I do.  I don't want her to go with the other guy.  I want to show her that I am more than capable of saving our relationship.  How can I get her to see this.  Or is this the end because I am guy that has trouble in communication with my wife?
strakilor strakilor
5 Responses Aug 28, 2011

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Why don't you turn the tables and tell her it turns you on and that you would like to know the details whilst she gives you a hand job. You might be surprised that she likes it.

you was the starter husband dude. it just took her 9 yrs to find your replacement. she feels she will get the house,alimony, and child support. so pray she she have an accident that leave her useless from the neck down, then put her in a state facility. hahahahaha

Maybe she feels that the only reason you are so willing to talk to her now is only because you don't want someone else to be with her. Have you tried telling her that you are willing to get individual counseling to work on your ability to communicate intimately and work on whatever it is in your personality or past that made it hard for you to show love in the way that she needed it? Tell her you are going to do it regardless of whether she stays or goes because you realize those issues that made it hard for you to communicate with her affect your children as well and that you are sorry it took her doing something so drastic for you to wake up to the problem, that you took her love for granted and are sorry.

If someone can not understand the value of 9 years and cant see how the kids gonna be means that person had never been true to you in anyways. Yes i can feel you are quite worried about the kids and all and still want to work on it because somewhere you are afraid to lose her. But even what is the sense to keep something what already you have lost. You should not punish self with such thoughts as you have loved her much. Even if you save this marriage anyhow, still there gonna be times when you not gonna have the same feeling as you have had before.<br />
I think you must let her go, cuz fantasies dont last long and finally throws you back on your face and she gonna learn it sooner or later. She is weak and weak people should depart soon cuz they only gonna bring weaknesses. If the words you have written are true in any sense, then I would think letting her go it better. <br />
If you want to talk , am always here and can help you....