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I Am A Best Friend To Me

I tell people quite often you have to first be a friend to you.

I am a very friendly person. Too friendly, some online and offline have said over the years. I have heard concerns from others throughout my life offline and online that people would hurt me and take advantage of how nice I am.

Through the years, I have been bullied immensely. Offline and online. I have been considered the most popular in high school without my even trying. But being popular also comes with a huge emotional price tag.

I was also born a certain way and with extreme sensitivities to a lot of things. I am a Christian, but there were times I tried indulging in self-harm but couldn't stick with it for pain reasons and there were times I attempted suicide but as you all know, those attempts failed.

I stopped when I realized that if these bullies weren't going to be my friend, I was going to be my own friend. I have a harder time in life because I and those born like me take everything personally and cannot ignore, which is just harder on the heart and prone to even more problems. But I face the difficult times. I am a friend to me. I have friends. I love me. I know they love me too.

One of my friends who I know on other social sites and used to use EP is kind of like me and was born that way. She too had her own GUUYY / Roadguy problems with another man that hounded her persistently and got slanderous about her. Problem was, he went to EP staff with his slander. She got busted. She didn't do anything wrong. The same people she wanted me to go to for help against GUUYY / Roadguy betrayed her by not helping her. I and others had been helping her. But she was too hurt. She left EP. That's how it is for us. If people hurt us, we run away. I have a reputation online for making accounts then deleting them if someone hurts me. It's not DRAMA. It lands me in the hospital and unconscious, even just the online hurt. My friend had two heart attacks by the time she was a teenager from being so sensitive emotionally. I went semi-conscious in college just from the memories of something bad that had happened to me prior then dropped out. I had to go to the hospital when I was a teenager from an ulcer in my eye from stress.

I have friends who value not just me but my feelings. I value my feelings because of important how I was born is to my heart. I stick with friends who value my feelings and who can get me to smile even when the storm seems like it'd be much easier to give in.

I love me and that's the way it should be.
blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti 36-40, F Nov 10, 2012

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