Young And Restless ;)

So.....

I'm an Indian (East Indian from India haha) and I grew up in an all white community. I have ALWAYS been a minority, and have always felt like I am some sort of exotic and bizzare animal in a cage to be stared at--nobody ever really understood my family or my heritage and I was always rather ashamed of my dark skin. It's strange because I'm quite attractive (athletic, nice features, gorgous eyes, easy smile and laugh haha I'm so modest!) and yet...I just feel so UGLY when I'm surrounded by all those pale, blue-eyed butterfly white girls who know how to groom their hair just so..... (Not that I have anything against white girls! Haha most of my close friends happen to be white--I love them for who they are not what race they hail from--but some white girls just have a way of making me feel too dark and not delicate and not pretty, you know?)...

This is probably the reason why I felt an acute kinship with Native Americans--in my history class, I was apalled at the kind of horrors the early Americans inflicted on the spiritual, culturally rich, beautiful Natives--as my teacher told us about all that, I felt PERSONALLY insulted. Unsuprisingly, no one in my class CARED; worse yet, our school mascot was the "Indian"--a name stolen and used to exploit a culture (since no one was in our school was actually Indian lol). I later wrote a persuasive article, trying to convince my school that we need to change our mascot, and won the Best Editorial in the State--but nothing happened. My school hated the article haha....Around this same time, I read The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian by Sherman Alexie and felt such emotional connection with the author's experiences. And then, I know this is going to sound disgusting for all you mature people out there, I read The Twilight Saga and fell in looooove. I know, I know, y'all are rolling your eyes and I GET that the series is just a bunch of fluff but Jacob Black, the Native American lead in the book, was like my--soul mate? He's somehow always the sweet, funny, attractive guy who comes to mind when my friends ask me who I have a crush on at school (hah! As if...all the guys at my high school were--pasty? Not Native American or in any way attractive to me? Haha). My friend thinks that the Native American culture has been ruined? tainted? with bitterness but I wish I could just EXPLAIN to her the generational trauma many American Indians have faced and how intensely I feel connected with them. I guess you could say I'm an advocate of the American Indian community? It's like, I want to get close to that spirituality but I don't know if I'll come across as condescending or pitying--which I'm not! I have only respect...

So anyway. I know you probably don't want to hear about this, but I just get so turned ON by Native American guys. Like I was looking at this calender of Indian guys (don't laugh! A friend emailed me the link to tease me) and I was just siiting there, my heart rate accelerating like mad, my breathe coming out all funny and breathy, my thoughts getting more creative and sweaty by the second... I eventually had to leave because I was getting so dang NERVOUS with all those gorgeos, long-lashed chocolate eyes STARING at me in that way....

Am I being immature? I'm not even Native American but has anyone felt this...this kinship with their culture? Is it wrong to fantasize about meeting a hot, American Indian dude who just happens to adore me and wants desperately to do the horizontal tango with me and marry me and love me until I die? Do I have an overly romantic heart or is my mind just in the gutter? Haha I really hope I'm not coming across as some random horny teenager  :P I'm usually very mature and plan on staying a virgin till marraige so it's not like I'm promiscious....But is there something WRONG with me????

Yeesh. I hate horomones sometimes haha :) Any advice for me, the hopeless romantic?

glorydayghost glorydayghost
18-21, F
4 Responses Jul 24, 2010

I am with you my sister

I totally agree with virgofemme! there is nothing wrong with you!!! & I've also felt for yrs now that native american guys are some THE SEXIEST men in the world! it's the long hair and dark eyes, golden skin and their acute awareness/perception w/out words.... I'm going out to get one of those calenders tomorrow lol:) !

I know you wrote this a long time ago, but I just have to say that No, there is not anything wrong with world. personally, I feel that Native American guys are THE SEXIEST men in the world. I love their features and I also have a big thing for guys with long hair-I know they all don't wear their hair long, but I have seen quite a few that do. I had an amazing experience with a guy who was Native American. We weren't physical, but connected on a different level. It was many years ago, but let me tell you, I will never forget it and I still think of it to this day.It's like one of the major highlights of my life. LOL....sounds pathetic, I know, to still think of it years later, but he was a total FOX!!!<br />
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Anyways, I agree with you 100 percent. I have two of those calendars with Native guys, so I know what you are taking about! ;)<br />
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Oh, and I know it can feel strange to look so different than everyone else around you-I am a black girl, and I lived in Iceland for two years-so I totally get you on feeling out of place and stuff. Easier said than done, maybe, but embrace that beautiful skin and those exotic looks. East Indian women are beautiful! :)

There's nothing worng with you. I am primarily white with only a very small % of native American blood, but I feel so much closer with native American culture. I feel more attracted to Native American men than any other race. That's just how it is. And the part about some white girls....even us predominantly white girls feel like that about them. Personally I hve always been jealous of olive toned females. I always wanted darker skin to feel more Native American.