They're Baaacck: Nigerian Swindlers Redux

Today I got inundated with (er..) naked appeals for money....you know, the recently widowed Nigerian gals. My Inbox is brimming with fulsome photos from voluptuous, nubile refugees from some raunchy Larry Flynt publication who, curiously enough, all seem to find me devastatingly handsome, sexy, desirable, etc. (you get the idea). Now, I'm not one to look the proverbial gift horse in the mouth, but after more that half a century of poking around Planet Earth, I have a pretty good notion as to where I stand in the Biological Imperative Lottery. Much as I like to fan my ego (a favorite male sport as you ladies are all aware), Catherine Zeta-Jones is not kicking Michael Douglas to the curb out of lust for me; I am not the guy who is luring Angelina Jolie away from Brad Pitt; don't look for me to be escorting the next "It Girl" down the red carpet to accept an Oscar; Ingenues are (unfortunately) NOT milling around my front porch waiting impatiently to gain access to my bedchamber. In short, there is no guileless reason for all of these pulchritudinous females to suddenly develop such a concentrated fascination with me.

On the other hand, perhaps my Fairy Godfather just waved his wand at me (that is probably an unfortunate image). And now I have the chick magnetism of the North Pole (now THAT'S an image worth conjuring). Maybe I am the beneficiary of an Extreme Makeover (minus the public humiliation). Telepathically sensing my miraculous transformation from average dude to Super Stud, these comely wenches now find themselves hypnotically drawn to me; helpless to resist my inexplicable manly charm; compelled to surrender themselves to my every wish; seized by an irresistible impulse to bear my children; enthralled by an exquisite longing for my attention......NAH!!!

Methinks that the mystery of my instant popularity somehow involves money. Anyone want to wager in favor of my sudden cultivation of seductive allure? I can hardly wait to see what the next day's mail will bring.

WraithSword WraithSword
56-60, M
7 Responses Mar 28, 2009

I agree with cntryloner: you have a very unique way of looking at things, and I love to read what you've written!

They never left!

ive never recieved anything like this. this is something!

Naturally you'll be supplying that information almost immediately....<br />
<br />
;)

I have received these for years, the earliest form of them were broadcast faxes to my business. The other day , I received one with an interesting twist.<br />
<br />
In place of the widow or daughter of the assassinated Nigerian official, we now have a U.S. Army Captain serving in Iraq who has stumbled upon a fortune in a secret account which he speculates was embezzled by former Iraq Foreign Secretery Tariq Aziz. All he needs is my bank account #.

Haha, i like the way you describe it. I'm Nigerian and i know what you're talkin about - i've received such solicitations too.

LOL! Glad I am not the only one that woke up to 8 Nigerian money scams. Once in awhile I will read one (if I am really bored) but for the most part I bounce them back. I feel sorry for the ones that actually fall for it because of poverty.<br />
You have such a unique way of looking at everything, I love it!!! Great catching yet another amusing story WS :). Thanks for your "artful" story.