Key To The Forbidden City of Me
We rarely show our full nature in this day and age. Don't ask me why, we just don't. It's not encouraged and it's not considered right or healthy for anyone but your designed psychiatrist, psychologist or psychoanalyst to see all of you. Why? When you know the truth of your nature will come out anyway - why hide? What are we afraid of? Are we afraid that opening up will give someone some unbelievable measure of power over us? No-one can make you feel bad or imprisoned you without your express consent. It's the truth - I suppressed my nature - many elements of it were not me and others I felt shouldn't be shared because it seemed unnatural. Yes I freely confessed I've considered open relationships. Having endured 6 years of hell; courtesy of taking time to love and try to be there for a person who is damaged goods - I can't be blamed for being decidedly ginger about trusting one person with my heart and soul.
I will gladly give my all if I feel it is being returned but I will not be a doormat. I refuse to be a victim and continue to be used/discarded. This has been covered under my dual astrological nature - particularly the Scorpio Lunar side: 'The Moon is literally in its fall, or denouement, in this sign. For this reason, Scorpio Moon folks are known to grapple with themselves on the inside. They typically experience all emotions extremely, deeply and totally - ecstasy, sorrow, elation... and yes, their tempers, when provoked, can be explosive. To complicate matters, Scorpio Moon people regard their own emotions as a source of vulnerability and therefore try to keep their true feelings under wraps. So, it's not surprising that while many Scorpio Moons are traveling this earth feeling everything very intensely, they're also wearing this kind of detached look. After all, if they were to be found out, there would be very grave consequences indeed. What those consequences might be is anybody's guess... but if the Scorpio Moon is the one doing the imagining, it's sure to be quite catastrophic.'
That description is so dead on when it comes to me. That's my mold if you will. I'm not saying I view my emotions as bad altogether or anything. But I've learned the value of keeping an emotional poker face for under the Scorpio Moon: 'The Scorpio Moon, in a nutshell: intensity. Intense likes, intense dislikes, intense fascination, intense disgust... and yes, in keeping with the general Scorpio reputation, intense love affairs. This is a very black-and-white, all-or-nothing moon with extremely fixed notions about things. If you're loved by a Scorpio Moon then you are loved fiercely, totally and completely; but if you're despised by a Scorpio Moon, then you may as well not exist. And it's quite possible in dealing with this turbulent moon native that both emotions may be directed at you at different points in this lifetime. If a Scorpio Moon perceives that you have slighted them in some way... better make good immediately, or run and hide until the mood passes, because in all likelihood, revenge is being plotted against YOUR head!'