Key To The Forbidden City of Me

We rarely show our full nature in this day and age. Don't ask me why, we just don't. It's not encouraged and it's not considered right or healthy for anyone but your designed psychiatrist, psychologist or psychoanalyst to see all of you. Why? When you know the truth of your nature will come out anyway - why hide? What are we afraid of? Are we afraid that opening up will give someone some unbelievable measure of power over us? No-one can make you feel bad or imprisoned you without your express consent. It's the truth - I suppressed my nature - many elements of it were not me and others I felt shouldn't be shared because it seemed unnatural. Yes I freely confessed I've considered open relationships. Having endured 6 years of hell; courtesy of taking time to love and try to be there for a person who is damaged goods - I can't be blamed for being decidedly ginger about trusting one person with my heart and soul.

I will gladly give my all if I feel it is being returned but I will not be a doormat. I refuse to be a victim and continue to be used/discarded. This has been covered under my dual astrological nature - particularly the Scorpio Lunar side: 'The Moon is literally in its fall, or denouement, in this sign. For this reason, Scorpio Moon folks are known to grapple with themselves on the inside. They typically experience all emotions extremely, deeply and totally - ecstasy, sorrow, elation... and yes, their tempers, when provoked, can be explosive. To complicate matters, Scorpio Moon people regard their own emotions as a source of vulnerability and therefore try to keep their true feelings under wraps. So, it's not surprising that while many Scorpio Moons are traveling this earth feeling everything very intensely, they're also wearing this kind of detached look. After all, if they were to be found out, there would be very grave consequences indeed. What those consequences might be is anybody's guess... but if the Scorpio Moon is the one doing the imagining, it's sure to be quite catastrophic.'

That description is so dead on when it comes to me. That's my mold if you will. I'm not saying I view my emotions as bad altogether or anything. But I've learned the value of keeping an emotional poker face for under the Scorpio Moon: 'The Scorpio Moon, in a nutshell: intensity. Intense likes, intense dislikes, intense fascination, intense disgust... and yes, in keeping with the general Scorpio reputation, intense love affairs. This is a very black-and-white, all-or-nothing moon with extremely fixed notions about things. If you're loved by a Scorpio Moon then you are loved fiercely, totally and completely; but if you're despised by a Scorpio Moon, then you may as well not exist. And it's quite possible in dealing with this turbulent moon native that both emotions may be directed at you at different points in this lifetime. If a Scorpio Moon perceives that you have slighted them in some way... better make good immediately, or run and hide until the mood passes, because in all likelihood, revenge is being plotted against YOUR head!'


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6 Responses Jul 21, 2009

I have different sides to me..but all are me and all are honest...even if I don't show them to someone right away. To me...I guess I look at the world and my own intimate circle (those in my inner ring of energy) as a society and community....both have these societies and communities...<br />
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I seek to have community but am aware that many (even I at times) think from a societal view having been taught that that somehow gets YOU further...we have been encouraged to just think of self at all costs and not how that truly affects the big picture....<br />
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Community on the other hand only truly works when we consider more than self....get rid of the whole jealousy based mentality and greed and so's the 'it takes a village' mentality that I embrace takes honesty and accountability and responsibility ...the kind of things that you rarely find in society...<br />
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I start out guarded but open....and if I see society invading my community...I then question it's purpose in doing so.

Damn! You’ve forced me to abandon my "smart ***" persona.<br />
I partially agree with Nora, we as a culture, don't value lies and deception. But I also believe that when confronted with truth and honesty that won't relent most of the belittlers will back up and fade into the woodwork. Sure you'll get the occasional horse laugh but you'll also gain the respect and interest of those folks who do value truth and honesty. <br />
I find that to be a very satisfactory trade off.

There are times in life where you have to be different. I choose not to share anything about myself because I feel that no one cares. If I'm going to spill my soul I want someone who cares to hear it. I think I deserve at least that. I've been dumped on by complete strangers and it always made me uncomfortable. You have to share with someone who understands otherwise you're just opening yourself up for no reason.

I wear a smock..... that's got it covered, no hiding required!

I have never been one for hiding, but I am learning that opportunists will eat me for dinner if I do not guard myself a little.

What about special situations? Don't we hide ourselves or create a fictional self at job interviews? Or when we first meet a stranger etc?<br />
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I think the whole "hiding ourselves" is fixed by our systems of social norms. Then we face our conflict of our truth versus a social norm constructed self.