# Physics Jokes

Here are a few you may enjoy:

YOU MIGHT BE A PHYSICS MAJOR...

if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.

if you enjoy pain.

if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.

if you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."

if you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.

if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major.

if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

if you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."

if you always do homework on Friday nights.

if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

if you think in "math."

if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down

its wave function.

if you have a pet named after a scientist.

if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the

Schrodinger's cat experiment.

if you can translate English into Binary.

if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building

which says "Exit."

if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because

there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.

If you are completely addicted to caffeine.

if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the

eventual heat-death of the universe.

if you consider ANY non-science course "easy."

if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have

accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to

Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

if the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

if you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math

easier.

if you understood more than five of these indicators.

if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.

If these indicators apply to you, there is good reason to suspect that

you might be classified as a physics major. I hope this clears up any

confusion.

Q. How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Depends on how you look at it....

Q: What is the simplest way to observe the optical Doppler effect?

A: Go out at and look at cars. The lights of the ones approaching you are white, while the lights of the ones moving away from you are red.

There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'

And if you've ever tried to explain to your 9-year-old Nephew, why a ball rolls downhill (my experience!).