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Good In Bed.

SEX-OBSESSED MAGS ARE SCREWING UP OUR LIVES.

there’s an old wives’ tale that goes around every now & then about how men think about sex every seven seconds. now, i’m not sure how old wives research their theories (i imagine a group of elderly ladies prodding a lone male, going, “are you thinking about sex? are you thinking about sex? c’mon! you’re totally thinking about sex!”) but common sense would tend to indicate this is, pretty much, crap. how can guys get on with their day with constant thoughts of rooting going through their brains? how can they fly planes? make presentations? tie their shoe laces? so i’m not really sure the old wives institute for really scientific stuff had it right on that one. sorry, ladies.

but pick up practically any lady mag these days (the kind that tries to sell you bikinis, rather than the women in them), & you’d be forgiven for getting the idea that the female of the species pretty much thinks with her crotch all day long. cover lines promising insane amounts of ways to ****** (isn’t one enough?), pervy, voyeuristic tales about other people’s fantasies, other people’s hang-ups, other people’s uncomfortable, burning sensations. far too many sex in the city references (yes, you’re a charlotte - now please stop), & articles on spicing up your sex life that somehow leave you feeling that unless you’re rigged up in a gimp mask & vanilla-scented strap-on while contorting your way through two-thirds of the kama sutra, you’re doing it wrong.

whether it’s instructional diagrams of “new”, suspiciously porny-sounding sex positions (“this month - the reverse underage runaway cowgirl, with a twist!”), insultingly obvious advice (“surprise - men like boobs!”) or embarrassing “real life” sex stories (“i got pissed & screwed someone i shouldn’t have!”), ******* for dummies is being served up in monthly instalments on newsstands across the nation.

which is all very snigger-worthy, it’s true. but underneath the dumb, number-obsessed headlines & cringey illustrations, something else is going on. sex is being sold as a skill, like cricket or microsoft exel: something we need to bone up on (sorry), study, achieve, impress. a commodity that makes us more marketable while we show off our a-grade blow-job techniques, our portfolio of positions. we need to be coached by “sexperts”, doctors, **** stars, prostitutes. somehow we’ve reduced modern ******* to a stilted, anxiety-driven display of inserting tab a into slot b, then worrying whether or not our bum looks big. which is about as sexy as an ikea instruction card. & not nearly as fun or interactive.

but lady mags didn’t invent sex. neither did the baby boomers. not even charles darwin. we wouldn’t be here today if hundreds of generations worth of our ancestors weren’t good in the sack. once you get the basic birds & bees down, whatever way you want to do it is the right way - it’s not rocket science, unless you’re acting out some particularly interesting kinks. the only person you need to listen to is you, & the person you’re in bed with (or people, i won’t judge).

those old wives & their tales. they love to give advice. so do most magazines. but when it comes to what goes on in the bedroom, i say slam the door fast, shove your fingers in your ears & chant “nah nah nah” until they go away. i’m an adult. the person i’m with is an adult. we can work it out for ourselves. & if we can’t, there’s always wikipedia. to twist the words of rage against the machine, “**** you i won’t **** how you tell me”. good night & good luck.
blehtolife blehtolife 22-25, F 54 Responses Mar 25, 2012

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Too funny! An erudite and quite humorous assessment of of most pulp found on the stands at any grocery store checkout. ;)

errrr

Well said...

Damn...I LIKE you.

That is soooooo HOT!!! Would you please add me...

Wow! I would give you a 100 scores on this story in your way in handling all about making love or having sex issue...it was a great way in writing all and hell as people should try to enjoy each other company more...and for real thnaks for sharing as love your way in thinking :).Take care and wish you the best always.

Perhaps I don't think of sex every seven seconds, but I am 70 now, it is still quite dominant in my mind and one of the reasons I joined Experience Project. I honestly can't recall who suggested it to me but I wish to publicly acknowledge my thanks. This site has been a revelation, there are certain "fetishes", practices, which are not to my liking but I try to keep away from those stories if I can tell what they are going to be about.

On the whole EP has been good for me even if I am not a seven second man. ( I know, "You lasted that long, I thought it was wham bam thank you ma'am")

Thanks for taking up the case... couldn't agree more to your views...

I like this woman.
You go girl.
Marymarthazetta

^^^^ 30 year old virgin! No I don't believe in God. I am not gay. I am relatively attractive and in great shape. I am not insecure about my size. I am not shy. I have a degree in biology and a great job! I have always looked at the culture of dating with a fair amount of disdain here in the U.S. People treat relationships as a form of entertainment and then wonder why their lives are so ****** up! Most have gotten so used to behaving how society expects that they have no concept of what they truly want for themselves.

This was a mighty fine read. You definitely have an Anne Landers quality to your work. I often joke to ,y wife about the cosmo sitting on the stand and she gives me her unique eye roll. Well written and keep at it!

LOL!... I just read this again and enjoyed it just as much as the first time. Bleh ROCKS! :D

<< not saying in the best in bed but been told a many of times that i definitely knows that i;am doing & can say that in order to be good ,you got to Like like what your Doing :) <<

Great story, and I couldn't agree with you more. The thing I sometimes find distressing is that women's magazines are often telling us new and better ways to be sexy, get sex, and have sex, while men's magazines seem to focus more on what they like and why, and how to get it. As a result women's magazines can make women feel insecure because they can cause a woman to feel she constantly needs to be improving herself because she isn't good enough, while men's magazines make them feel secure and confident because just focusing on what they like and why causes them to feel that what they do and how they do it is just fine as long as it works for them.

Well that was an ear full. If you and he like it, then your doing it right. My husband in bed with men says an adolescent boy does think about sex all day. Thank God for sports and Boy Scouts that helped him think about more than sex. Mid life crises is when your mind reverts back to your pre teen sex thoughts he says. And old age is a blessing that you can share your survival techniques with the younger generation. Marymarthazetta Marty my friends call me

Dam, well said. I have never really considered all of the sexual innuendos in magazines. Thanks for the eye opener

Wonderfully stated!!

You got it! Basically, if it feels good do it. Don't "think" the process to death, wondering if you are doing it "right". Any chance of you adding an old voyeur to your friends list? Thanks

Awesome article! I bet you topped your English class :)

That's awesome. And so true

superbly written, and hey, the bottom line of it all, which is true for all printed (or electronic) media - it's all targeted at selling copies, rating is the only thing that motivates and drives this industry.

So, don't look for truths, scientifically researched studies or any academic level of discussion. It says "sell, sell, sell" all over it.

lol you right and good ridden

There was a study done in Sweden recently, where they actually hooked people up to monitor the activation of the areas corresponding to sexual thought. Your skepticism is entirely warranted. In fact, we think about sex far less often than every seven seconds--I think it worked out to twice per waking hour--and was roughly equal for men and women.

I think they stuffed that survey up, my wife would greatly exceed that mark and I would definitely be worse, or better, depending on your perspective. Maybe they hooked up a bunch of prudes........

haha well if your wife has a high sex drive, she would probably consider you "better"!
no, i don't think so - i think this probably is typical, perhaps even exaggerated for most women - you hear about women all the time who withhold sex to punish their partner for something (the idea of which to me personally just sounds like punishing myself as well!) or who just never want to do it (only after they've gotten the ring on their finger, of course).

i would say i personally exceed that average, but i know i have a much higher sex drive than most women. sometimes i only think about it once per waking hour...but it's for the ENTIRE hour (&amp; possibly the next). &amp; when i'm really horny, i can't stop thinking about it. i'll go out &amp; do things normally, but it's always in the back of my mind, &amp; will pop-up in the forefront constantly.

We are talking averages, but even so, those women withholding sex might still be thinking about it and it is possible that their thoughts are not triggering the response that was being measured. Even so, it doesn't matter, just enjoy your sexuality

Interesting ... I am obsessed all the time and I thought I was like that cos I am a girl in bed ... this turns that thought upside down but that's OK. Good to know.

...sorry, i'm confuzzled - why does being a "girl" have anything to do with it?

that was a great read thanks

This is one of the most brilliant, thought provoking work of wordplay I've read all year. Kudos to such a gifted linguist! Evidence that the mind is a sultry vixen when we truly set it free. If you're not already keeping a partner on their toes, I wish you all the luck in future endeavors.

Well written, but I don't think I agree with many of your assertions.

The first, yes, in an ideal world a couple would go behind closed doors and "work it out for themselves." But most people are not comfortable talking about sex, even with their intimate partner. That sucks, and I wish it weren't true, but I would bet that the majority of the time it is. The articles you speak of cater to the majority of people who don't discuss sex that openly with their partner and so they rely on magazines and other sources of information to give them ideas. Honestly, I think the thing that has caused many of the problems is keeping sex "hidden" behind closed doors. This leads to another statement you made that I disagree with....

I very much doubt that most of our ancestors were "good in the sack." Being able to procreate is quite different than being good at sex. Two teenagers just out of puberty that have never had sex can have intercourse and procreate. Do you think either of them would consider the sex they had as "good?" Well, the boy would since for most teenage boys any sex is good sex, but I doubt the girl would.

In my opinion, we're much better off having "too much sex" in the popular culture than going back to the way it was where sex was something to be hidden behind closed doors and never discussed.

Very true and excellently written one of the best stories I have read on XP
It's a sales tactic make people insecure and un happy and they will spend more money on junk they don't need

100% agreed, two mature adults can agree on anything without being told what to do

Researchers tried to pin down the origin of "man think about sex every seven seconds" and found there was no source for it at all.