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Good In Bed.

SEX-OBSESSED MAGS ARE SCREWING UP OUR LIVES.

there’s an old wives’ tale that goes around every now & then about how men think about sex every seven seconds. now, i’m not sure how old wives research their theories (i imagine a group of elderly ladies prodding a lone male, going, “are you thinking about sex? are you thinking about sex? c’mon! you’re totally thinking about sex!”) but common sense would tend to indicate this is, pretty much, crap. how can guys get on with their day with constant thoughts of rooting going through their brains? how can they fly planes? make presentations? tie their shoe laces? so i’m not really sure the old wives institute for really scientific stuff had it right on that one. sorry, ladies.

but pick up practically any lady mag these days (the kind that tries to sell you bikinis, rather than the women in them), & you’d be forgiven for getting the idea that the female of the species pretty much thinks with her crotch all day long. cover lines promising insane amounts of ways to ****** (isn’t one enough?), pervy, voyeuristic tales about other people’s fantasies, other people’s hang-ups, other people’s uncomfortable, burning sensations. far too many sex in the city references (yes, you’re a charlotte - now please stop), & articles on spicing up your sex life that somehow leave you feeling that unless you’re rigged up in a gimp mask & vanilla-scented strap-on while contorting your way through two-thirds of the kama sutra, you’re doing it wrong.

whether it’s instructional diagrams of “new”, suspiciously porny-sounding sex positions (“this month - the reverse underage runaway cowgirl, with a twist!”), insultingly obvious advice (“surprise - men like boobs!”) or embarrassing “real life” sex stories (“i got pissed & screwed someone i shouldn’t have!”), ******* for dummies is being served up in monthly instalments on newsstands across the nation.

which is all very snigger-worthy, it’s true. but underneath the dumb, number-obsessed headlines & cringey illustrations, something else is going on. sex is being sold as a skill, like cricket or microsoft exel: something we need to bone up on (sorry), study, achieve, impress. a commodity that makes us more marketable while we show off our a-grade blow-job techniques, our portfolio of positions. we need to be coached by “sexperts”, doctors, **** stars, prostitutes. somehow we’ve reduced modern ******* to a stilted, anxiety-driven display of inserting tab a into slot b, then worrying whether or not our bum looks big. which is about as sexy as an ikea instruction card. & not nearly as fun or interactive.

but lady mags didn’t invent sex. neither did the baby boomers. not even charles darwin. we wouldn’t be here today if hundreds of generations worth of our ancestors weren’t good in the sack. once you get the basic birds & bees down, whatever way you want to do it is the right way - it’s not rocket science, unless you’re acting out some particularly interesting kinks. the only person you need to listen to is you, & the person you’re in bed with (or people, i won’t judge).

those old wives & their tales. they love to give advice. so do most magazines. but when it comes to what goes on in the bedroom, i say slam the door fast, shove your fingers in your ears & chant “nah nah nah” until they go away. i’m an adult. the person i’m with is an adult. we can work it out for ourselves. & if we can’t, there’s always wikipedia. to twist the words of rage against the machine, “**** you i won’t **** how you tell me”. good night & good luck.
blehtolife blehtolife 22-25, F 53 Responses Mar 25, 2012

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I fully agree

Wow that was a lot . I agree sex sells . But I'm tired of the adds

Sometimes the truth is best told with humor. You did a relly good job with this piece.

please add me to your friend list

Too funny! An erudite and quite humorous assessment of of most pulp found on the stands at any grocery store checkout. ;)

errrr

Damn...I LIKE you.

That is soooooo HOT!!! Would you please add me...

Perhaps I don't think of sex every seven seconds, but I am 70 now, it is still quite dominant in my mind and one of the reasons I joined Experience Project. I honestly can't recall who suggested it to me but I wish to publicly acknowledge my thanks. This site has been a revelation, there are certain "fetishes", practices, which are not to my liking but I try to keep away from those stories if I can tell what they are going to be about.

On the whole EP has been good for me even if I am not a seven second man. ( I know, "You lasted that long, I thought it was wham bam thank you ma'am")

Thanks for taking up the case... couldn't agree more to your views...

I like this woman.
You go girl.
Marymarthazetta

^^^^ 30 year old virgin! No I don't believe in God. I am not gay. I am relatively attractive and in great shape. I am not insecure about my size. I am not shy. I have a degree in biology and a great job! I have always looked at the culture of dating with a fair amount of disdain here in the U.S. People treat relationships as a form of entertainment and then wonder why their lives are so ****** up! Most have gotten so used to behaving how society expects that they have no concept of what they truly want for themselves.

This was a mighty fine read. You definitely have an Anne Landers quality to your work. I often joke to ,y wife about the cosmo sitting on the stand and she gives me her unique eye roll. Well written and keep at it!

LOL!... I just read this again and enjoyed it just as much as the first time. Bleh ROCKS! :D

<< not saying in the best in bed but been told a many of times that i definitely knows that i;am doing & can say that in order to be good ,you got to Like like what your Doing :) <<

Great story, and I couldn't agree with you more. The thing I sometimes find distressing is that women's magazines are often telling us new and better ways to be sexy, get sex, and have sex, while men's magazines seem to focus more on what they like and why, and how to get it. As a result women's magazines can make women feel insecure because they can cause a woman to feel she constantly needs to be improving herself because she isn't good enough, while men's magazines make them feel secure and confident because just focusing on what they like and why causes them to feel that what they do and how they do it is just fine as long as it works for them.

Well that was an ear full. If you and he like it, then your doing it right. My husband in bed with men says an adolescent boy does think about sex all day. Thank God for sports and Boy Scouts that helped him think about more than sex. Mid life crises is when your mind reverts back to your pre teen sex thoughts he says. And old age is a blessing that you can share your survival techniques with the younger generation. Marymarthazetta Marty my friends call me

Dam, well said. I have never really considered all of the sexual innuendos in magazines. Thanks for the eye opener

Wonderfully stated!!

You got it! Basically, if it feels good do it. Don't "think" the process to death, wondering if you are doing it "right". Any chance of you adding an old voyeur to your friends list? Thanks

Awesome article! I bet you topped your English class :)

That's awesome. And so true

lol you right and good ridden

There was a study done in Sweden recently, where they actually hooked people up to monitor the activation of the areas corresponding to sexual thought. Your skepticism is entirely warranted. In fact, we think about sex far less often than every seven seconds--I think it worked out to twice per waking hour--and was roughly equal for men and women.

haha well if your wife has a high sex drive, she would probably consider you "better"!
no, i don't think so - i think this probably is typical, perhaps even exaggerated for most women - you hear about women all the time who withhold sex to punish their partner for something (the idea of which to me personally just sounds like punishing myself as well!) or who just never want to do it (only after they've gotten the ring on their finger, of course).

i would say i personally exceed that average, but i know i have a much higher sex drive than most women. sometimes i only think about it once per waking hour...but it's for the ENTIRE hour (&amp; possibly the next). &amp; when i'm really horny, i can't stop thinking about it. i'll go out &amp; do things normally, but it's always in the back of my mind, &amp; will pop-up in the forefront constantly.

Interesting ... I am obsessed all the time and I thought I was like that cos I am a girl in bed ... this turns that thought upside down but that's OK. Good to know.

...sorry, i'm confuzzled - why does being a "girl" have anything to do with it?

that was a great read thanks

This is one of the most brilliant, thought provoking work of wordplay I've read all year. Kudos to such a gifted linguist! Evidence that the mind is a sultry vixen when we truly set it free. If you're not already keeping a partner on their toes, I wish you all the luck in future endeavors.

Well written, but I don't think I agree with many of your assertions.

The first, yes, in an ideal world a couple would go behind closed doors and "work it out for themselves." But most people are not comfortable talking about sex, even with their intimate partner. That sucks, and I wish it weren't true, but I would bet that the majority of the time it is. The articles you speak of cater to the majority of people who don't discuss sex that openly with their partner and so they rely on magazines and other sources of information to give them ideas. Honestly, I think the thing that has caused many of the problems is keeping sex "hidden" behind closed doors. This leads to another statement you made that I disagree with....

I very much doubt that most of our ancestors were "good in the sack." Being able to procreate is quite different than being good at sex. Two teenagers just out of puberty that have never had sex can have intercourse and procreate. Do you think either of them would consider the sex they had as "good?" Well, the boy would since for most teenage boys any sex is good sex, but I doubt the girl would.

In my opinion, we're much better off having "too much sex" in the popular culture than going back to the way it was where sex was something to be hidden behind closed doors and never discussed.

Very true and excellently written one of the best stories I have read on XP
It's a sales tactic make people insecure and un happy and they will spend more money on junk they don't need

100% agreed, two mature adults can agree on anything without being told what to do

Researchers tried to pin down the origin of "man think about sex every seven seconds" and found there was no source for it at all.

Put you and me in the same bed, naked, without any knowledge of the 'birds and the bees' and I bet we'd be at before you could say, CLIMAX

Love your writing

Very well written. Knowledge makes all things better. I thank all explorers and researchers who invented wheels. Now I can explore while riding.

Now that is what I call abstrack thinking, well said. Its funny that society has us men pegged. We have heart to love and need to be loved. The idea of being ablke to share our hopes and dreams too.

LMFAO....Damn girl...you are dead on. Of course, you can lump most men's mags in there nowdays also.

The truth is that both males and females think about sex. The only difference, is that males tend to be more obvious about it. I also love the fact that you've called out all of the media that makes people believe otherwise.

So much intelligence and writing skills from a young person!!!!! I do believe there is hope yet for this world and I am in love lol. Keep it up girl the world is yours to master.

To echo another poster, you seem very balanced and intelligent.

Although all you said is absolutely true, I still love browsing through Cosmo at the check out line.

The 'Marquise of Sade' wrote some very raunchy stories,all dedicated to his wife whilst he was imprisioned,they commercialized his writings years later which created a shock! Now that was way back,so today sex and sexuality is being treated like we treat food in a MacDonalds,it's Fastfood,you choke on it,gobble it down,then half an hour later you're still hungry......so, SEX = MONEY!,no mystery there!

The thing is that we guys wake up in the morning with a stiff reminder of why we're here on earth,we brush our teeth,still there staring up at us is the reminder,so we have a coffee,eat some toast and think about how to get to work,okay just a little TV before leaving......then BAM! some half dressed blonde is selling us a screwdriver that can fly,oops! there he is again poking through our boxer,or worst still,our inpractical 'Y-Fronts'!

Quick let's go! So we're out in the street and our minds are wandering aimlessly,a car pulls up,a girl steps out,and just for a fleeting moment as she alights we get a glimpse,a tiny miniscule milimeter glimpse of her panties,her crotch.......BAM!.....it's nothing really,but there is our friend again,giggling and twitching in our pants,shouting vulgar things into our pure and innocent minds like,"Hey guy! did you see that piece of *****,did you see that? Let's party man,let's Go!Go!Go!",....."Excuse me sir but could you move down the line a little...?",as we are hurled scowls and dark glances by a ten strong queue in the bakery shop.......we're not even in the crowded transport system yet but there's a low apprehensive groan building up in our groins,'Please don't let this happen,please give me a break,go to sleep,read a book,call your mother!'.
But we are inevitably walking around with a loaded gun,and at anytime of the day it could go off,no need to aim,no need to undo the 'Safety Catch',no need to even touch it...it has a mind of it's own,like a Supermarket trolley!

We lift our eyes to the huge billboards where bright red lips loom down at us,sultry smiles burn into the depths of our souls for just a bottle of shampoo,we are pointed at,beckoned as red lazer dots dapple our foreheads wherever we go,only to be shot at mercilessly as huge chunks of our dignity are ripped from our once solid structures,downed we keel over and plummet into the abysse of no return,engines screaming and wings aflame, we stumble forward roped to our invisible mistress,and step into the crowded morning lift......she's there,her low cut tight tank top is sprayed onto her chest,don't look......her perfume,Channel No.5 prods at each nostril leaving no more room for the little oxygen there's left in the surrounding air.
At first she won't look up,then her eyes fill our vision,a little flick of her head to arrange her silky hair,her lightly made-up lips part,stretching across her porcelain teeth to reveal an innocent smile as her voice wafts across the remaining few inches that seperate us from a deep enthralling kiss,an ever so soft,"Hello there,I didn't see you,shall we grab a coffee before you start?"......the whoosh! and roar of flames at high speed envelops us,now deafening,the grinding destruction of any form of intelligence has been ebbed away,leaving a burnt out carcass as we see our parachutes burn between our legs....it won't be long now before the bottom of this endless pit is reached,but we submit to our friend,he's there waving around in our trousers,doing the same dance that Brazilian footballers do when they score a goal,he's popped out of his velvet hat,he's drooling as he lisps his demands,"Yeah guy! she is what I call a class piece of meat,maaan look at those lips,introduce us man,hey!,hey!,hey......!",small beads of sweat drip down the crack of our buttocks to make things worse,and we witness a croaking sound similar to a man's voice erupts from our throats,followed by someone stammering,"Y-yeah,w-why not.........I....er,o-k-kay,fine.......",the voice belongs to us but it's dried up in mid sentence,like a train run out of track,our neat ties tighten like nooses of a condemned man high up on the bellows,a loud explosion can be heard in our heads,bright colours form a film that shroud our vision.....a dry ****** invades our bodies as we change posture to hide the huge bulge behind our laptop bag,and there,like in a slow motion sport sequence we see the imminent impact zone,her breast have moved her nipples are smiling,the poised delicate positioning of her feet marks the spot as you look down into the relection of the polished marble tiled floor - her panties,you can see her panties,your fuselage begins to crumple on contact,no time to brace yourself....it's over!

****** for the day,totally waisted for the whole day....try as we might,no man can survive a daily start like that,normally in **** there's the silly music,or a caption,the plastic visually kitch wrapper can be pealed to one side,but this is for real,all our senses are in full action,you can hear her heartbeat,see your reflection in her dilated pupils as the rush grips you around your throat,injects chemicals into your body that don't come in the form of white powder or liquid.So we conceal our damage reports and redress our charred corpses ,some of us become 'Jerks',others become,'Cold and Arrogant',some transform into 'Jesters or painfully unfunny Clowns' and others simply hide away all day behind frosted glass and endless meetings,even when it's lunchtime,they'll disappear!

So my dear 'BlehToLife'.........for a man,sex isn't something he chooses freely of his own will,it's like a pink silk blanket that clouds out the sky,it's trodden underfoot and thick in every molecule in the air that we breathe,we don't see a pretty girl as just something to have sex with,or a piece of meat,she IS our savior,our Mermaids that save us from drowning,Angels that will snuff out the roaring fires on our wings,she is our only comfort from the raging war of suffocating thoughts.......and if she's kind and understanding,void of mockery or contradictions,when she can see our plight and offer a warm reassuring hand in our backs,then she may cup our hearts and go wherever she pleases with us,for she is our only antidote.....LOVE!

Commercial sex is plastic food,but reality and sex has unbound secrets where your inner voice will guide you to a wonderful place......if you don't slip,fall and break your neck on the rocks below that is!!!

MrB

Good article,,well written, with humour and style. Your right,,I don't think about sex every 7 seconds,, every 7 minutes,,ok, now there might be a working theory.

Do you make love or have sex?

when you notice your mind thinking about sex....are there memories of individual people who are present...or is it perhaps another trigger ( triggers for example might be visual ...or for some of us even emotional ...eg boredom, loneliness, fatigue, hunger ) ?<br />
<br />
thanks

hello<br />
<br />
in one of your earlier comments you wrote something like " I find myself thinking about sex often during the day ". <br />
<br />
is this something I am allowed to discuss with you here in this thread or would you prefer it being explored in private messages. <br />
<br />
C

no not at all. that's why i'm on experience project - to share my experiences with others! shoot.

so....after reading your epistle on this subject......what did your parents convey to you about sexual behaviour ....what was healthy and what was inappropriate ?<br />
<br />
C

my dad - absolutely nothing. my mum - a whole lot, but it was all negative. she often through the term "****" around in a pretty degrading way (like a lot of people do), so much so that the term lost almost all it's meaning to me - who was a ****, &amp; how are they *****? i had no idea, but i knew i didn't want to be one, so i pretty much denied my sexuality - to me, it seemed like NOTHING was healthy of appropriate, it was ALL inappropriate. &amp; it got worse as i grew older &amp; it started to develop even more...basically, it had a very strong negative impact on me. as i result, i turned into a massive sexist towards men - something i'm not all too proud of - because i think deep down i was envious of their sexual freedom &amp; believed that they only used it to degrade &amp; oppress women. then one day i stopped, looked around, &amp; realised all the fantastic males i had in my life - &amp; then i met my boyfriend, who pretty much restored my faith in the male gender ;)

you seem to be a balanced and intelligent girl

Insightful, funny and wise.<br />
<br />
I like your style.

Damn i love how your mind works. Never a truer word been spoken.

"once you get the basic birds & bees down, whatever way you want to do it is the right way "<br />
<br />
Well, I am Not so sure about that. I think I will have to go with Martin Mull who said, "I try to always position myself so I can see Hana Mori's signature on the sheets."

Gosh, I am just going to have to get a subsc<x>ription of Teen Scream and Cosmo. I had to ask my daughter who the Kardashians are. I guess maybe I need to get a TV. Watch a little Jerry Springer and ease my way back into 'popper pubic ettikate'.

haha i wouldn't bother - you're not missing out on much.
&amp; that would have been a very valid question. who the **** are the kardashians? just some rich family who are now famous because one of the daughters made a sex tape?

.......My daughter said the father is some lawyer who defended OJ?!? I had never heard of him, but about two months into the OJ trial I retired the tv and news. I came back 6 months later and it felt like I was watching reruns of the news. So I discontined my newspaper and disconnected my tv from outside world. BTW better than Prozac, get rid of ALL TV news and newspapers. But was the daughter any good in the sex tape? or was it just your standard rich girl a few midgets and a great dane, you know typical SoCal

...you discontinued your newspaper &amp; disconnected your tv from the outside world? what was the purpose of that?!?!
i dunno, i haven't seen the sex-tape...&amp; i am semi-keen to look it up. but the idea of kim kardashian's vagina isn't all that nice...

Newspapers and the news on TV do not really give you news. Their main purpose is to make you feel afraid, or in my case totally pissed off.

Once I stopped listening, reading news, I found I was a much happier calmer person. Of course this was during the Dubya years, sooooo just the idea Americans could elect a moron disheartened me, but the run up to the Iraq war was just more than I could take. "They will welcome us as liberators" and Saddam killed 10,000 was just too silly for words, because now probably 400,000+ have died, but of course they died for freedom to...I am sure there is a fill-in the blank here, but I am drawing a blank...eat genetically modified soybeans and have the levels of food allergies Americans have?

Government subsidized genetically modified corn to make high fructose corn syrup so they too can be obese?

Purpose is now my TV has movies that I want to watch. I know I am missing Jerry Springer's Modern Miss Manners Social Etiquette, but c'est la vie

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"sex is being sold as a skill"<br />
<br />
Well for people who have little else to offer, they need something to convince themselves that they are special. You don't need to be smart to have sex. And selling your sexual side is an easy way to get attention without having to acquire any real skills or knowledge. Look at the Kardashians.

haha so true buddy.

I like you. It is almost hard to believe that someone with such wisdom is just under 21. What a brilliant simple statement: "If all guys have over active libidos, their libidos aren't really overactive, are they? Just normal. Women consider men's libidos overactive because we tend to want sex a lot. Consider the women you know. What percentage would guys like to hang around and be with if sex weren't part of the deal? Someone like you, Blehto, would be a delightful female friend, but how about the women who are critical, never satisfied, etc.? Women think of men as having over-active libidos because women's libidos seem normal to them, and that means only being super sexual a few days each month. Since men are, nearly every day on the whole, where women are in the "horniest" days of their cycles, it would seem to a woman that men's libidos are overactive.<br />
<br />
I read something interesting and it might have been on EP. It was not a magazine, or other publication. For medical reasons a woman in her 20s had to take testosterone supplements. After a few weeks, she found herself thinking about sex more than she ever had and as her treatment concluded she felt differently about men and our seeming obsession with sex. She said that if she had to walk around looking at men like that for life, she couldn't be responsible for her actions. Unfortunately, guys, testosterone has somewhat unpredictable impacts on women, and some of them are far less desirable. lol. <br />
<br />
Thank you. Blehto, for your willingness to cut men some slack and get a kick out of being female. If more women had fun being girls instead of getting worried aobut getting ever detail right, they would live much happier existences. The trouble is, with scientific advancements we are turning being human in to being some sort of machines that when you push this button you get this outcome. Life isn't that way, THANK GOD!!!

agreed - the reason so many men are what some describe as "sexist pigs" who are with women for sex &amp; nothing else, is because (generally speaking) a lot of women are themselves sexist, being overly critical of men &amp; expecting them to just disregard their own biology. yeah, they shouldn't be ruled entirely by their biologies (no one should), but at the end of the day you can hardly expect someone's biology not to affect them significantly.

&amp;, may i add, women's libidos generally don't even seem normal to them - society dictates what it is for us (pretty much non-existant), so a lot of women tend to deny it &amp;/or chastise themselves. they then attack men because they hate the fact that meanwhile it is socially acceptable for men to talk about &amp; act on their sexual urges without being ridiculed (&amp; perhaps even with a laugh/high-5).

(p.s. i personally get horny a fuckload more than for "a few days each month", &amp; from what my friends have told me i'm not alone on that one, lol)

&amp; being a woman has plenty of positives, but it also comes with a lot of negatives...as does being a man. the reason "sexism against women" is such a problem is because a lot of women out there are MAKING it a problem - meanwhile, when sexism is displayed towards men, (generally) they will just laugh &amp; (sometimes) even agree, shrug &amp; crack open a beer (or do something equally as manly :P).

slice it anyway you want, at the end of the day men &amp; women are different. &amp; rather than denying this, i think we should embrace it. sure, some of the stereotypical traits of your gender may not apply to you personally, but you must agree they (more often than not) apply to the majority of others ;)

yep, now i'm ranting...lol. appreciated your comment!

I agree with most of this and applaud you for coming out with it. Anyone that gets sex tips from a magazine is an idiot. But remember there was a time when a lot of women weren't having ******* during sex because their men didn't know what they were doing or didn't even realize women could have multiples. So educating ones self on how to please your partner is not always a bad thing,

i know, but i think sex education is partially to blame for that. we all learnt about the male ****** (***********) at school, but how many of us learnt about the female ******? i know i didn't, &amp; i don't know anyone else who has...we're taught that male ******* are the only ones of any real importance. so sad.

Welll...... I think the reason the male ****** is focused on in school (and I assume this does not mean best ways to accomplish it) is because that is the (almost required) component for reproduction. They are teaching about the male ****** in school, because that is how babies are made, not because it is of any more importance than the female ******. IMHO

...well, yes. but my argument is, in sex ed they should be teaching you more than just sex for "reproductive purposes" (coz hardly anyone has it for JUST THAT). when it comes to babies, the male ****** IS more important than the female ******. when it comes to pleasure, the female &amp; male ******* are (arguably) just as important.

There is a dilemma. I will say I agree with not teaching about female ****** in school! I don't believe that in public school kids should be taught how to do sex well, because that will make them want to go try out what they've been studying. And I believe strongly that teenagers should not be having sex. They just don't have the maturity. I do sympathize with the people who say they wish they had learned about how to be good in bed when they went thru sex ed, but I still hold my position. Some people say the research indicates teens are actually better off without sex ed, less unwed pregnancies, etc. One problem I have is the whole field of sex experts is run by a bunch of clowns who are more full of sh*t than the world's biggest barnyard. (See my blog.) I don't want those idiots going in and telling teens a bunch of lies like "there is no such thing as vaginal ******" and "70% of women are incapable of orgasming from intercourse". Research by Stuart Brody and his colleagues shows that when women are indoctrinated with crap like that it negatively affects their outcomes in the bedroom. The truth is good examples of what I term "adult sex education" are hard to find. But there is some out there. Barbara Keesling is a good example. One of the rare good sex experts is in Australia, Jacqueline Hellyer. There are good sex teachers for men like Alex Allman who prefer to write e-books rather than bound copy books

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