But It's A Battle

In the current roller coaster, there are up days and down days. On up days, we do still enjoy each other as a (still) married couple. Not that I doubt we'll still be married, but there are times when it seems held together by my sheer stubbornness not to fall short of my father's legacy (he's been married to one woman - my mom - for fifty years next January). But on good days, if a few can be strung together, our natural attraction surfaces again and we get understandably horny.

For all the pain we have experienced, due to the aforementioned "trauma" to our relationship, sex for us remains off the charts. It still gives me great joy to hone my oral skills for her sake, bringing her to ****** with a "slip of the tongue." The passion is obvious and I find that when we're doing well, the full range of glorious intimacy is expressed.

The battle still exists, at least for me, when positions or techniques are engaged that I know were part of her "detour" outside the marriage. Yes, I demanded to know ALL the details in the beginning. Some suggest that may not be the best idea, but other counselors advised that no detail, no matter how small, should be kept secret. I found that the transparency of it, no matter how painful, was ultimately beneficial. Regardless of how the details of the sexual affair might haunt me, there is nothing - nothing at all - that I can claim she has still kept from me. On the contrary, it only has seemed to reinforce her trustworthiness. Nevertheless, regardless of how healthy her transparency and comprehensive confession was, the details left me knowing about the sexual minutia of the affair.

As a result, when I - or she - does something that I know occurred then, it's a battle to push that out of the mind and regain focus on the moment we are sharing here and now. During that position or activity, it takes conscious effort to "ignore" the memory that this legitimate activity (so long as it's between her and me) took place in an illegitimate context. Hopefully, maybe as soon as a few years from now, I won't have that same battle.

To avoid that "battle," I just need to remain creative to make sure our sexual times include plenty of activities that so far exceed the "boring basics" that occurred outside the marriage, that our marital joy progressively eclipses that bad episode in our life.
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1 Response Sep 10, 2012

Hopefully she is remaining creative as well to bring joy to your marriage. :-D